BTW, "Cis" is not an acronym. It's a prefix.
As for the piece. I started thinking you're splitting only the verbs. Cutting off the string of verbs and the feeling of forward movement they give by cutting them up, chopping them, splitting them up. Dividing. Choppy, bumpy. Fast-flowing but bumpy.
And then I saw it weren't so.
You know? I think this piece is more than strong enough to not need this device. I can see the use of it to protect yourself, young Alain, from staring at what you wrote and shared, too clearly. If separating the stains from the hands.
I think your words stand strong enough on their own. Do not add when it is not necessary. Flourishes are for when you are not sure your message is strong enough. And it is.
I do like the repetition of "soiled." If I had to pick a theme for the piece, that would be what it is. "Soiled." Dirtied, by others. Dirtied, to hide the tears. Dirtied, to make the tear-tracks clear as they try to wash the soil away.
Hit me up if you decide to edit this piece. I do feel it can be made tighter, even harder-hitting. Though yes, I know it might hurt.
splitting the verbs was the original intent, and then it became what it became; through your eyes, I can see now: a crutch. Initial intention, mired with lack of execution.
You might be right, my friend. This is all something I've come to terms with and printed on my identity, but rarely if ever printed on paper - spelling it out is possibly more terrifying than writing - maybe it feels more permanent?
Yeah another that could very well use some rounds of edits, and also a piece I am very happy to have written. Will be happier when it finds itself - for a piece like this, harder hitting would be not only the preferred, it would be the appropriate.
Thank you, Guy!
"The only thing scarier than not being understood is being understood" might be a cute play on Wilde's quote, and it might be in bad taste to quote myself, but I've found this to be so true.
When I comment on people's poetry and they tell me I see right to their core, I shuffle my feet. It's not just the uncomfortable position of being praised, or even knowing I hold tools to hurt another, but knowing it is also an accusation.
So it is scary to reveal yourself. We live life, and while we're constantly told that sharing of ourselves is fine and lauded, what we're shown is that we'll be punished. We'll be hurt. So hurt, for doing so.
And there's a difference between letting people read between the lines, cocooned in plausible deniability, and stating it for all to see. One is much more open. Much more fraught. Like when I wrote of my depression.
As for the crutches - that is how we learn to walk. The only question is whether we're eventually willing to abandon them. I suspect you'll rely on crutches a bit more during this challenge, because editing is how we sometimes take them off, and because of the time pressure. The question is whether you'll rely on them less than you had before by the time this journey ends.
And again, I'd be glad to help you edit.