MAKE ME YOUR WORLD

in poetry •  2 years ago  (edited)

I decided to try a bit of love poem today, I guess I suck at that. Nevertheless, feed your eyes on this, your comment and critique is gladly appreciated.
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Let me be your wind
Breathing lilting cool melodies
That set your heart in motion

Let me be your moon
never leaves you in darkness
Reflects light in your sadness

Let me be your star
Small, sparkling with bright light
Far above the world in great height

Let me be your flower
Piercing your heart with sweet scent
With lasting fragrance than incense

Let me be your rainbow
Decorating your world with glowing radiance
Building up your colour-studded heavens

Let me be your tears
Draining down traces of your worries
Showing flashes of your emotions

Let me be your smiles
Reflecting the gladness in your heart
Shining your face like burning flames

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My dear, the personification and metaphors are amazing, you really write so well, wow

Thank you, it's nice to have you read it
Just a try out on love poems

This is a sweet poem it has a light touch and is all in all enjoyable. For some reason the last two stanzas feel a bit off though, although the imagery is good but it to me just feels like they are not as centred as the others ...

Yes, thanks, nice to have you read it
I think why you feel it's off is because it lacked the rhymes like the other stanzas

most likely yes now as you say it lol the flow is different because of it ...

This post has received a 0.14 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @banjo.

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