Burning Eyes — A poem about sleep deprivation in iambic pentameter
Burning Eyes
The eyes that sleep have found no rest tonight.
They beg and scream; o, how they want to die.
If only for an hour in bed to lie,
then nothing more; surrender to dreams' might.
But time reminds me of the days to come,
the fruitless days I'd have to bear for naught
should I forget the treasures that I sought;
no, I shall sing along to duty's hum.
But as temptation calls, I close my eyes,
and for three seconds they remain unseeing.
I open them and pain invades my being,
it burns enough to lighten up the skies.
Hey Sharon.
Love the ending.
Poems aren't really my skin, but maybe Im just a tough hunk of ice :D
Cheers
:) Thank you. And don't worry. :) I spent a long time not liking poems and I still don't think I like them the way normal people do. In fact many poems the majority praise I find dull and unworthy of my attention.
This kind of emotional poem, however, really grabbed my passion. It's like a word filter to let out my thoughts in a "purer" way. I don't write many of them, but when I do I'm really proud.
UPS!
I'd love to do a 'sensory deprivation chamber', it is totally dark, submerged in water up to the face, in some versions, 98.6* F temp. control and total silence... See nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing but yourself. They say you start to hallucinate after a while. WILD
Hahahahaha, I also feel like that sometimes. When I read my old stories I know they're mine not because I remember them but because of the kind of images I have in my mind while I read them.
It might also be self-delusion, but many people have told me that, when listening to my stories or reading them, they can "perfectly imagine" the events. I know everyone has their own version of the stories, but it still flatters me quite a lot to hear that.
What is UPS?
I think I'm misunderstanding you.
Anyway, thank you very much for coming by, your kind words of support make me happy and glad to know you.
Edit: And about the sensory deprivation chamber, I'll have to remind myself to think about what you said when I write next time. I have a nice idea for a theme to write about. But I'm going to sleep. I'm still sooo sleepy.
Yes, you misunderstand! Basically up-votes... :P lol
Those are great compliments, btw. (that people give you)
Plus you are quick to take the hint,
I asked if you had listed this in our Post Promo. I clicked it right away!
:)) Thank you. You're making me feel great haha <3
Goodnight.
Thanks for sharing that @cryptosharon. Your post really stand out in the sea of content on Steemit. I can tell that you are a sincere and kind person and it really shows on your posts and comments. I commend you for that as it is seems that quality is becoming more rare in this day and age. Please keep up the great work! :)
:) Thank you for checking it out and for your kind words and evaluation. I hope that what you say is true, that I'm filling a need in Steemit. I will keep it up and see where this takes us.
Absolutely! I will make to frequent your page. I hope you will do the same for me. Cheers!
I will certainly keep an eye on you although I don't trade anymore or watch movies hahahaha. I'll follow you anyway and see what your blog brings. Thank you for the support.
Thanks for your support as well! Maybe I will throw some poetry in there sporadiclly to keep you on your toes! :p
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by CryptoSharon from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.
Thank youuu, @minnowsupport. <3 Your help is really appreciated.
@cryptosharon...
Jeez. Your unseen hustle and hardwork touches my heart
"the gain in your pain can even lit up the skies"...
Lol whoa😄👍
Hahahahaha :) I'm really glad you liked my poem. Thank you for showing your appreciation.
I love this because I re read it four times and still am searching for what or why there is this pain. this poem does something there - it talks about pure emotion without directing you to a reason why exactly. Is it a person, a hurt, a physical pain? It mentions "Treasures sought" but Im still searching. I love that you can evoke some emotional feeling and have no idea why - like Im here Im connecting with you, even though I cant explain it. Very powerful.
Also can I just add that I am blown away by the traction and following youve gained in such a short time! I have to ask for advice there because really it is quite admirable!
Приветствую
я проголосовал за вас и подписался
надеюсь на взаимность ))
Привет, @ ivan2018. Надеюсь у тебя все хорошо. Спасибо за ваш комментарий, и я рад, что вам понравился мой контент. К сожалению, я не говорю ни на одного русского и должен использовать переводчика, поэтому я не могу проверить ваши сообщения/контент.
I love how your poem continues to develop, although am not sure how it makes me feel.
This is the first time am reading your work... am impressed @cryptosharon :)
.. i could learn a thing or two from you ;)
Thanks You
It does :) This development is a descriptive narration. Each stanza describes a different time. The first one is a moment of contemplation, realization, self-observing. The second one describes resolve. And the third one is the consequence of failure, together with nice imagery. Together they make a time progression and that's why it's a narration, but it's almost unseen. It's just a useful resource and it should not make you feel anything on its own but in conjonction with the rest of the resources.
I hope we can learn a lot from each other. I'm really looking forward to knowing much more about how the system works and you still seem to be unintentionally withholding some secrets from me :D
oh! Great! thanks for taking your time to carefully analyze each stanza to me! i really dunno much about poetry i only write what comes to mind though!....
its a good read! ...
i hope to see more of your works Sharon :))
You learn it by reading stuff about it :P It's a bit hard to find if you don't know where to look, and I'm not a good library guide. I like brainstorms too, putting all my thoughts into paper. However, they're often very disorganized, so I like to write things like these where I force my disarrayed thoughts to work for one purpose.
And I will keep publishing for as long as I'm satisfied here :) And I'm currently very satisfied. So if you're checking me out you'll always find something new.
ok Sharon!.. i got my eyes on you :p
I am not into poems really, but I enjoy reading them and yours was nice reading ñ_ñ
:)) Thank you. I've gotten many positive reviews. I'm really happy that I made something of good quality.
@originalworks