Family trips/Original poem [100 Days poetry challenge (Day 89, Poem 87)]
Family trips
Family trips
while the halogen lights were repeated on the windshield.
My son; behind his mother,
and my daughter behind me.
Humming songs
magically they wrap themselves in the air.
Abstracted in my thoughts,
I come back to me when they call me playful voices
in the joy of children's dreams.
I believe that I exist again at a young age;
game,
singing.
How wonderful it is to be a child,
how wonderful it is to feel loved.
Is there anything more beautiful than traveling as a family?
Separator
Poetry written for (100 Day Poetry Challenge) organized by @d-pend made for Steemit
6/4/18
It is good to see that you are still writing so prodigiously. As far as I can see you have been one of the most consistent writers in this competition. Again, congratulations on another wonderful piece. You seemed to have gotten over those dark times and have presented us with something very lighthearted.
The family is always a wonderful topic to tackle, especially in these times when most things seem so glum. I have a few suggestions. These are simple editing mistakes which I am sure is due to having to meet a daily deadline:
I assume that his is the word you want here. A simple yet understandable mistake.
I am not certain if repeated is the word you want here. Maybe it is a misreading and might I daresay, misunderstanding on my part. If that is the case, please explain your choice of words. Again, as always, and enjoyable read.
How should I say? Remember that I work with a translator. Thanks friend
Just change her to his for the first line.
For the second, I would say: While the halogen lights shone through the windshield. But this is my suggestion. I am not certain what exactly you were trying to convey. My greatest issue is with the word repeated.
But because I have not read the original version, I maybe overstepping my boundaries.
Thanks for the suggestion my friend. As for halogen lights, the idea is that the lights of the opposing cars make us feel uncomfortable when they come from the front.
It is actually one of life's most productive pleasures. Excellent idea sing to those good moments.
Thank you sister, remembering the happy moments to take out the negative thoughts
Yes friend cordero there's absolutely nothing more beautiful than family good write
Thanks friend
It can be good indeed, I do enjoy. It is easier than staying home especially if you have young kinds like me lol. Hmm where to go this summer.... beach beach and parks it is for me.
The beach definitely.