very much enjoy the shape of your lines here and the editing on creating the perfect shape to guide the reader through the poem really shows.
The Cupid lines, and those that follow in answer, definitely caught my attention the most. The character you created here aches of loss and longing, and you do such a great job capturing the ethereal nature of each.
I really like some of the imagery, especially "cloak of anguish" and "An answer coming in echoes of loss." I do wonder, the question marks from your self-editing, did you intend to keep them in to show that this is both non-poetry and unedited, so to speak, or did you wish to take them off?
I do like the poem and the image it is painting, but some sentences just need help, in terms of English, so I do hope you'll put in the work so more people could enjoy your creations. Good luck with future poems (and non-poems :D) as well!
Yup definitely some areas you can smooth out! You have some pretty good use of language, you just need to blend/form it together a bit smoother!
"For I always but lose what I find" would read better like *For I always lose what I find" or perhaps "For I've always lost what I've found, whether gold or"
Please keep posting! You definitely have potential!
My first love goes to the graphological effect, and then the cover photo... Nice one Chidi, this is just brilliant!
I find myself silently wishing the emotions expressed are all but fictional...
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STOPHey Chidi,
very much enjoy the shape of your lines here and the editing on creating the perfect shape to guide the reader through the poem really shows.
The Cupid lines, and those that follow in answer, definitely caught my attention the most. The character you created here aches of loss and longing, and you do such a great job capturing the ethereal nature of each.
exceptional piece, Chidi, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading.
Hugs.
Hey Chidi!
I really like some of the imagery, especially "cloak of anguish" and "An answer coming in echoes of loss." I do wonder, the question marks from your self-editing, did you intend to keep them in to show that this is both non-poetry and unedited, so to speak, or did you wish to take them off?
I do like the poem and the image it is painting, but some sentences just need help, in terms of English, so I do hope you'll put in the work so more people could enjoy your creations. Good luck with future poems (and non-poems :D) as well!
Thank you for the feedback.
This was unedited. Will put in more effort.
Hugs.
Yup definitely some areas you can smooth out! You have some pretty good use of language, you just need to blend/form it together a bit smoother!
"For I always but lose what I find" would read better like *For I always lose what I find" or perhaps "For I've always lost what I've found, whether gold or"
Please keep posting! You definitely have potential!
Thank you for your feedback. All suggestions are noted.
My first love goes to the graphological effect, and then the cover photo... Nice one Chidi, this is just brilliant!
I find myself silently wishing the emotions expressed are all but fictional...
Thank you for reading, Ada. Fiction or non fiction, who knows?😂