Sky Burial
The concrete carcass unravels
violently under the lens;
skies moving sideways,
wine anointing the brow of
the chosen, one
rotting apple;
a dropped needle,
the abandoned
monophony, phonographs
running in circles -
The sun dawns a shroud of mourning,
billboards alight, twisted metals dancing
interpretive fever dreams in drag.
Paint me every shade of fire,
stroke me across the skyline,
tie your lips in mine
double knot and pull me tight,
drag the knife across my skin,
set my eternal soul alight.
an excerpt from the climactic third movement in a piece i'm working on that i was encouraged to share in its present form by my friend and iron sharpener, @geekorner, before reworking both this excerpt, and the longer piece within which it resides. feedback encouraged.
"Paint me every shade of fire,
stroke me across the skyline,
Tie your lips in mine
double knot and pull me tight,
drag the knife across my skin,
Set my eternal soul alight."
That sounds like a very good morning. :) Astute and sensitive words paint their own pictures. Well done!
I was about to highlight the same lines - checked the comment section first - and sure enough, someone else called them out.
WOW
Alain, you can thank @geekorner for bringing this poem to my attention. I haven't been keeping up with the sheer volume of posts. This - this - BEAUTIFUL!!
omg Carol, you do me far too much honor -
thank you thank you!
Sensual and evocative and resonant with the real. Well done!
Loved the polished work. Looking forward forward to the whole epic.
I need to read mooaaarr!
Intense, and poignant, meaningful. Reminds me of a few of my own, but you have a harsh edginess here that I have never quite achieved. Thanks for sharing!
probably the blade ^_^
thank you so much for the kind words!
haha, oh but I love blades! Maybe I need just need a good sharpening. ;)
and:
Are both very clever. Breaking "The chosen one," yet forcing you to read it, and on the other hand, "The sun dawns" reading the same as "The sun dons," I think these two alone are worth the price of entry.
But, as you know, if the rest is crap, I'm not afraid to say it. Yet this piece felt mostly complete even when I first touched it.
The feeling of the abandoned places, yet the artistry and loveliness of them shine through in this piece, like one gleaming piece in a rusty swing's chain.
If there is enough rough, there's got to be a diamond or two in there somewhere, yeah?
Honestly, to hear the picking up of the feel of abandoned places and the artistry in them means more than I can put words to. So much of the weight of section in particular is in the symbols filling in the space between the narrative and the meaning.
Your time you lend to my scrawlings, and your aid in making them more than scrawlings, means so much to me, Guy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts - on the good and le crap!
Wow. Very powerful. I don't know what it's about but I got imagery of the 9/11 disaster. I was tempted to turn my head to view the page sideways to see if we got the NY skyline.
Could this be 'the chosen' or 'the chosen one'? Whatever, it was nice to wonder. And the 'rotten apple'. Big apple and its corruption?
Cheers. I enjoyed that.
Anj
Wow. What a passionate piece! 'Paint me every shade of fire, stroke me accross the skyline'
Fantastic words.
Delicious tone set throughout this movement, weaving layers of meaning in with vivid, potent imagery.
Eager to see the full piece polished and integrated!
This is lovely, Good job
Beautiful words.I believe this came from a very deep place
"Drag the knife across my skin,
Set my eternal soul alight"
Those words suggest eternal freedom and peace after death.
Great job,i am glad i read this
Love the words they are Mediforicaly powerful well done thanks