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RE: Internal Ocean - Original Poetry
My favorite part of this poem has only been tightened by your edits and your more focused approach, the line breaks and the stanza breaks and the way you almost shield your cards and only put them down right when the reader needs to no about them, and no sooner.
Just some clever stuff that, I think, gives the scene of the windstrapped ship a touch more frantic-ness.
Fun read, @raj808, thank you for sharing.
Thanks carmalain7. Yes, I think it needed restructuring. Especially the run on line between verses gave me pause, and inspired the final edit and a full verse restructuring. The run-on didn't work at all. Thanks for the feedback m8, I appreciate it :-)