The Daily Poem! #3 - Patrick

in #poetry6 years ago (edited)

Today's poem, about a car crash and a supernatural (?) encounter, took me a little bit longer to finish, so it has become tonight's poem. Here is tonight's poem:

The topic is the hardest part! Your suggestions greatly appreciated 🖤

I've challenged myself to write a poem-a-day for the remainder of February (and maybe into March, we'll see how it goes...). Now that the Daily Doodle is a thing, and I know that I'm actually capable of creating and posting a brand new drawing each day, I'd like to see if I can do the same with poetry.

The hardest part for me is often coming up with a topic! So please, if there's something you'd like to read a poem about, post your idea in the comments below. No topic too trivial, too deep, or too weird. It could be anything from "the meaning of life" to "used bubble gum".

Patrick

So...
that happened.

There was time to scream
But I didn't.
I gazed at the pretty, welcoming lights
Not blinded
Mesmerized
Thinking
I won't be able to stop myself
Drifting into them.

It was like watching a movie
On the big screen:
Larger than life
But smaller
Tailored to fit the mind.

First the jittery fast-mo closeup
Followed in sequence by the strobe light pop of airbags
The choreographed blur of a world just beyond
The sanctuary of the car's metal-and-glass-and-plastic body
Silence
White noise
The squeal of tires
Each sound
Crisp
And distinct
As if mixed to worm its way into ears
And echo inside of heads
More intimately than sounds
IRL.

The fade out.

The cut.

Scene 2:
Try the door.

Never once did I consider death.

Wait.
Am I hurt?
Feel my face
Chest
Arms and legs:
Breath hurts
But not too bad.
Nothing else.

Try the door.

When the shaking starts, it's as if somebody else is doing it for me.

I call friends who live close enough to make it to me, friends I was on my way to visit. They're coming.
Everyone who passes slows down to ask if I'm alright, has anyone called for help?
I'm alright.
Thank God for airbags.
Thank God it wasn't a smaller vehicle
One with a family in it

Children.

I talk with the driver of the tanker truck.
I walk up and down.
A man sees me fiddling with the stuff in my car.
He tells me to sit and relax
He doesn't want me going into shock.
I think:
Wait.
I'm not in shock?
Ok.
I nod to show that I understand
Even though I'm not sure I do.
Whatever it is he's worried about
It sounds bad.
I sit and relax.
I sit and relax.
I sit and relax.
I sit...

I fidget.

I get back up and pace.

Shaking.

A truck pulls over, further along the road, in the dark. A figure climbs out.
It walks up to me, talking.
Is that your car? I nod.
Are you alright? I nod.
Was anyone hurt? I shake my head.
It's a man, dressed in a dark leather vest and a richly colored, puffy shirt
Wearing a kind of top hat
And strange jewelry.
He has shoulder length, loosely curled, silver-grey hair
And a beard to match.
He shakes my hand warmly
As if we already know each other
Asks me my name.
He has an Irish accent.
I tell him.

What's your name? I ask, suddenly finding my tongue.
His eyes catch mine, hold them.
It's Patrick.

I think
Just as Rosie thinks
A day or two later
When I tell them the story
Laughing out loud
When she says it:
YOU MET A LEPRECHAUN!

Still holding my gaze
He gently shakes his head
Well.
He says:

You're lucky.

Now I think I must be in shock.

He tells me that life and health
Are the greatest riches
Material things
Can be replaced
But I can't.

Flashing lights pull over
Further up the road.
His head swings around to look at them.

I think I should go he says.

He gives my arm a squeeze.
An affectionate squeeze.

Then he trots back to his truck
And is gone.

I never see him drive away.

I think:
Leprechauns don't just walk up to you
And hand you their treasure.

And maybe that's true
And maybe it isn't
But what is true is:

When one looks you in the eye
And tells you you're lucky
It wakes you
Like the snap of a hypnotist's fingers.

Even a starless night
Contains rainbows
And at the end of each:
Gold.

©2018 Bennett Italia

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I really like how you induced the same feelings in me that your protagonist is going through. This was a bit of a disorienting read. And at the moment of panic, your writing did a great job of evoking that reaction as well. Really enjoyed this, not your cookie cutter poetry-slam poetry - you have crafted something really interesting here. Much love - Carl

Thank you so much @carlgnash!

This one really did take a lot of work, so I'm very grateful to know that it comes across as intended. As I wrote above to @poetrybyjeremy: "The pacing was extra important to me with this one, because I felt it had to fit the sequence of events, and the odd speeding up and slowing down of time that seems to be accentuated in situations like this. It took some work, but for me the words now seem to fit the memory..."

I'm so grateful for your feedback and for your support! Thank you!

oh cool I see now reading the comment above that this is based on a true experience, really nice job recreating this!

Wow! I have been reading a book lately, Call Me by Your Name, and this writing reminded me of it. The short sentences, abrupt, sometimes followed by a much longer and pensive thought, then abrupt again. Well-paced, I could read it out loud, paced. It rolls of my tongue easy.

Interesting how you got the leprechaun in the story. A bit unexpected. Quirky, I like it. It was cool how you introduced the leprechaun in a flash forward. that was a nice touch.

There are so many clever things about this. Even the repetition of the 'sit and relax', feeling phased out. Not being aware of being in shock. This is just sublime!

Thank you so much Jeremy!

The whole thing really happened... pretty much just the way it's written.

The pacing was extra important to me with this one, because I felt it had to fit the sequence of events, and the odd speeding up and slowing down of time that seems to be accentuated in situations like this. It took some work, but for me the words now seem to fit the memory...

Thank you so much again for your reading and your feedback :)

Welcome! And congratulations on being curated :D

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This post has received a 1.7 % upvote from @boomerang thanks to: @bennettitalia

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Great write. Your Poem was Included in The Daily Dose of Poets United. Thanks for your contribution.

Thank you @angelveselinov! So glad you liked it :)

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