You Figure It Out... What Comes After The Rain?
About the Poem
After the Rain is the story of a young battered woman facing the reality that her life has to change. It is presented in a minimal style using carefully selected words to set the mood of the scene and move the story forward. In the end, it reveals to the reader to concept of courage.
House Call
After the Rain
Swollen roots break
down the sidewalks.
Night crawlers
drown in the gutter.
A young woman
is haloed in blue.
She clutches her child
and calls the police.
A suitcase is packed
with less than she owns.
He hides in the park,
lost in his whiskey,
the buzz of cicadas,
the sound of a siren.
Author's Note
When I first began writing I had little understanding of the craft. I wasn't aware that I used too many words and tried to tell too much of the story. I started reading more poetry, exposing myself to good writing and I began studying with other poets in online writing workshops. In time I learned that as a writer I had to give the reader more respect, that they didn't need to know every detail to see the whole story, but only a few. I learned it is like leaving a trail of bread crumbs for someone to follow, that the reader is smart and will fill in the spaces, that what you don't say often says more.
Above all I learned that the reader should never be bored. After all, there are only so many ideas or themes for a story, so to keep the reader engaged you need to avoid overused images, you need to present fresh and unexpected details to get them involved in story.
If you missed my post on minimalism Click Here.
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Well said and bravo for a lovely, interesting poem. There are only 4 poets on Steemit that don't bore me to tears and who show consistent improvement.
@mindhunter started his own tab called nuggetized this poem definitely makes the grade.
Thanks @cathi-xx I appreciate your kind words and agree you have to search for good poetry.
Swollen roots break
down the sidewalk.
For me, this was one of those Vonnegut beginnings you mentioned some time back. It stole my attention and kept me into the whole scene. Darkly enjoyed.
Thanks @prufarchy, I can't tell how long I wrestled with the word "swollen." I kept wanting to use "knuckled roots." I ended up with "swollen" because I wanted the idea of soaking up rain. Best to you.
Knuckled would have been beautiful as well, but swollen (in my humble O) created a parallel between the outside environment (sidewalks), and the situation the main character seems to have gone through. Also, it evoked thoughts of swollen family roots breaking foundations, which is another great symbol that drives the theme right home.
Always a pleasure :)
Just thinking out loud guys. How about "swelling“?
Hi @ace108, I am not always tops on my grammar and I am also sure that "swelling" was on my short list for this poem; but I believe in this context "swelling" would be an unwanted gerund. I could be wrong and only mention it because it is a mistake I often make. Perhaps others could say for sure?
Well, it your message and you will know better. :-)
I was just thinking maybe the ...ing continuous tense will give a perception that is still going on if that could be the intent.
Hey @ace108 I didn't want to leave you thinking I didn't appreciate your comment, I always love feed back. It is always difficult to know when to break writing rules and when not to, sometimes breaking rules can make a powerful image.
Me too. I appreciate feedback too. Good or not so good.
I got some good feedback in one of my recent post in the poetry challenge.
Of all the options I have considered, someone manage to give me one which I had not. So, learning something new is good. Always room for improvement. :-)
It would be an adjective gerund but there's nothing wrong with gerunds in poetry if they sound right. Poetry has no grammatical rules.
Personally I think you did good! "ing" has a light sound and "en" is moody which is exactly what you required. I also prefer the sound of "swollen" sidewalk to "knuckled" sidewalk.
My only edit would have been to lose the "s" on sidewalk because you get the 'k' sound rather than a lispy sound and it goes nicely with break. You gotta imagine you are a famous poet reading to an audience!!!
You've got a great conversation going here thanks to your poem, Pru and Ace-this improves us all, I'm honoured to join in.
Thanks @cath-xx, I was just getting ready to readdress the issue with ace108, I didn't want him to think I didn't appreciate his comment. Yes, there are lots of times in poetry when rules are broken for good reason. In fact I was thinking about maybe addressing that issue in tomorrows post. Good idea about the "s"