These Wretched Feelings - poem

These wretched feelings I have, you will never understand
These wretched feelings I never want you to have
I'm very beneath the remains of my walls and I can't breathe

Help me, I scream, I drowned in the power of my illness
I'm not okay I've never been okay, I'll never be okay

I cloth the table not caring you feel that
I began bleeding because of it The little color I have left in my face disappear as I turn as wide as a dump in the winter snow

My lungs do not exist in these moments only my head
You tell me to stop being can't stop a roller coaster when the people are turning upside down and back up over and over in loops

Humanity looks down upon me as if I'm an alien from millions of light-years away

I don't want any pills I don't want to breathe in and out no I don't want to stop crying I can't And knowing it's my fault that I'm like this is crushing me and twisting my insides

Everyone pretends to be like this, but they would change that in a heartbeat she knew the truth

You want to rip your brain out of your school just you have five seconds of peace
You don't want to take your medicine because nothing helps

You don't want to go to therapy because they pretend to care it's their job And these wretched feelings are all I have
They're not curable these are two feelings will never leave me alone
They're my friends