As some of you may know,
I’ve been reluctantly sharing a bit more of my life recently. Well, nothing could prepare you for this, and there’s just no easy way to say it, so I’m just going to pretend that I’m typing this on the reef with a couple of my shrimp buddies and knocking back some WhaleAles.
So, the krill gal you’ve heard a bit about,
BlueBerry Krill. Well, when I talk about her my shrimp buddies clam up and sort of look back and forth at each other like I’m exaggerating. Makes me want to roll my eye.
Well folks, here’s the thing.
You don’t get a Krill like that without a fight. It wasn’t just that she was a redhead, or that she had a cute thorax and a super toned exoskeleton. No one is just going to hand her to you on a platter. And just to shut up my stupid, drunk shrimp friends I showed them some dtube vids of her when she was on Keeping Up With The Krustaceans.
The very first night I saw BlueBerry Krill
was in PlankTown at Shadows Pub across the way from the Steem Whistle cafe. She was singing on stage and I was just mesmerized by her. Hypnotized.
I promise I will tell you all about that night soon,
but I wanted to skip ahead a little bit, because I’m just not ready to talk about the night I met her yet. Please, give me time.
While I was staring at her on stage
with just that guitar and one light on her, I didn’t even realize I had walked to within only a few feet of the stage. I was just standing there with my mouth open. She was singing this song as if she knew me. She was strumming my pain with her finngers. She was Krilling Me Softly.
And, well, this Orca had her in his sights
but I was totally oblivious. This Orca comes up behind me, and even though it’s totally illegal to carry flags in PlankTown, this Orca suddenly has a flag in his fin from out of nowhere. Well, at least I don’t want to speculate. Now, I can’t even see this because he’s behind me. Shadow cleared her throat loudly behind the bar and the Orca dropped his flag when he saw Shadow’s double barrelled flag pointed right at him, and literally charged to 100%. Now I know what an Orca fart sounds like in an underwater bar. But then he jumped me with zero warning. I didn’t have a lot of choice but to fight, and I gave it my all for two reasons. One, I wasn’t crazy about dying, and two, BlueBerry Krill was watching.
So, I gave it everything I had,
and believe it or not, I gave better than I got. I don’t look like much, but really, that’s my superpower. I went PlankShit on that Orca and I ended up under his eyelid swinging for the lashes, and he more or less smacked himself into unconsciousness trying to get me to stop. For a while they thought that Orca wasn’t going to make it. They had to patch me up and I needed some PlanktoPlasm, and then they transferred me to PlankTown’s town jail.
So, I’m a little hesitant
to put it out there that I spent time in jail, but it is what it is. I know I let my MinnowMama down, she really tried. But BlueBerry Krill visited me in jail and I got the Krill in the end.
What good are life’s experiences as a musician if you’re not going to write a country or blues tune about it.
I ended up teaming up for a co-write
with a really great friend by the name of Merle Hagfish, he’s from over New Zealand way. We ended up writing MinnowMama Tried.
I also want to send a shout out
to the rest of the band, Plankie and the Dollfinns, for doing this track for free because they knew I couldn’t afford this one. WhaleAles on me at Shadows Pub later. Love you!
I just want to say, I love you MinnowMama, thanks for sticking with me and praying for me every day.
The first thing I remember knowing
Was a steem whistle blowing
And a young plank’s dream of trying not to hide
On a steem train leaving town
Not knowing where I'm bound
No-one could change my mind but MinnowMama tried
One and only rebel plank
Shoulda gave me a good spank
MinnowMama seemed to know what lay in store
Despite all my Sunday learnin’
Toward the bad, I kept on turnin’
'Til MinnowMama couldn't hold me anymore
And I turned twenty-one in prison doing life without parole
No-one could steer me right but MinnowMama tried, MinnowMama tried
MinnowMama tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied
That leaves only me to blame 'cause MinnowMama tried
Dear old PlankDad, rest his gills
Left my Mom with all these krills
She tried so very hard to fill his fins
Working hours without rest
Wanted me to have the best
She tried to raise me right but I refused
Lyrics adapted by TheBugIQ from Merle Haggard's Mama Tried
Vocals by TheBugIQ
Guest appearance by @shadowspub
Image courtesy of GSE