Pits of Despair Part 4

IV

My emergency supply of Ambien ran out by April. As I have done in the past, I took to drinking two beers before bedtime to get to sleep. This is not ideal in a man with BPH but insomnia scares the shit out of me. I even have a Facebook series called "Insomnia Bytes" in which I chronicle my sleepless escapades. Based on the number of reactions, it is my most popular series.

But two beers turned into four, then a half pint of vodka (to save money), and eventually one pint a night. Tolerance snuck up on me and bit me in the liver. By May I basically passed out every night.

My typical day looked like this: Awaken at 9 am to pee and take my medications; Go back to bed and wake up about twoish, make something to eat and take my vitamins; Watch reruns and diddle on my cell phone for 3-4 hours; Get dressed (I did not care how I looked), throw on my backpack and head out for groceries and vodka; Return for another night of reruns, internet, and antenna TV; Second round of meds at 9 pm and something to eat at 10; Make a couple of drinks from Kool Aid and vodka; Pass out.

Repeat daily.

Note that I did not include showering, shaving, or brushing my teeth.

I have a steady income thanks to SSDI but cannot imagine the terror people go through if they had been laid off during the lockdowns. I call the negative consequences of social and political pogroms in response to the pandemic "collateral damage" and young adults suffered the worst.

Imagine entering adulthood and striking out on your own for the first time. They call this "adulting" which is difficult, scary, and challenging on its own. Now imagine having all of this yanked out from underneath you because of a virus that hardly affects you at all. Lastly, imagine the forced isolation. This is the Perfect Storm of Despair.

And Suicide.

A comment in the journal "Lancet Psychiatry" stated in June 2020, that "Those with psychiatric disorders might experience worsening symptoms and others might develop new mental health problems, especially depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress (all associated with increased suicide risk)."

If I had to change one thing in this comment to make it more accurate and truthful, it would be, "...and others WILL develop new mental health problems…" Apparently, a Psychiatrist's favorite plant (with a shout out to the old Radiologist joke) is also a hedge.

Despite my own depression, I spent an inordinate amount of time talking down Millennials from suicide on several social media sites. I referred more people to suicide hotlines in the first three months of the pandemic than I did in 23 years of practice. I was not alone. A physician's job is never over, even in retirement.

We just have to #BeThere.