Proof of human origin without religion, evolution or aliens

When scientists examine evidence and propose a theory the logical results of course have to be subjected to irrational criticisms. How else can we free science from ideas that are just to uncomfortable to be accepted. Of course everyone is still free to create a hypothesis as deliciously weird as one desires. Specially after failing to make it sound desirable we can be sure that non of these will ever be scrutinized professional. It is only the unacceptable idea promoted by the professional that has any chance of overcoming the irrational arguments discrediting it.

Humans are awesome at turning their experience into fuzzy logic but we have a huge blind spot for the amount of relevant data we've used in creating our intuition. Usually the more one knows about a topic the more reluctant to take a position on it. In most academic arenas the truth is only that what has been formally published and further scrutinized in the journals. The professional scientist will even bend to the absurd if good publications are made and survive scrutiny and/or replication.

By that process it is logical for falsehoods to accidentally survive the process. Or as Sheldrake put it: Give me one free miracle and ill explain the universe. If you talk about these uncomfortable topics the scientists usually get very angry which is a time-tested natural defensive mechanism that is as effective as unscientific.

Maybe you are there already and have a strong urge to close the page reading this mockery! Culturally that will certainly be an effective method of disposal but you have to admit it hardly a refutation. You can open and close the page as often as you like without it accumulating to anything scientific.

But enough with the introduction. Lets get to the "facts"!

The story started long long ago around a tree. It was a special tree we know as the Marula tree or the Sclerocarya birrea. We don't know the year but its fruits ripen between December and March. On the day in question, as usual, the nutritious light yellow fruits with white flesh attracted many animals as did its hard seeds with their delicious nutty flavour. Since the fruits naturally ferment they may contain a good amount of alcohol, good enough for the animal kingdom to get quite drunk. A boar or hog on his buzz looked at a chimpanzee who was at least intoxicated enough not to be able to run away. Of course, even while sober a hog will fuck anything. Being sufficiently intoxicated he didn't care much what it was, as long as she didn't run away it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Such attempts at hybridization are of course not always fruitful but this time around the half pig half chimp offspring managed to survive. Against popculture ideas hybrids are not infertile but they do usually suffer from reduced fertility. The violated chimp went back home, had one or more babies and the alpha accepted the female ones as part of his harem. The kid was terrible at climbing trees but without the thick skull her brain could grow much larger. It did however take several generations to accumulate enough chimpanzee dna to make the new species viable.

Eventually the humans went their own way as their search for food was quite different from the chimps. They developed the worship of big statues and buildings, areal bombardment, cell phones and the internet while all the while wondering where the f they came from. They could see the similarities with other apes but they had a number of unique traits that couldn't possibly have a monkey origin. Specially that skin! Who has skin like that? It certainly wasn't any of the apes. What is up with that weird pointy nose bone?

Then one of them, specialized in hybridization, enumerated the many similarities between human and pig anatomy. The other humans were very upset by this idea, it was frankly offensive.

They were like, look scro, we know we have little to no evidence but evolution wins the popular vote. Everyone is comfortable with this idea so it must be true.

They even went on to grow human organs in pigs but that's a story for a different blog post.