-Sea Stars- My favorite photo from 2018 and a bit about the man behind the camera.
-Sea Stars-
My favorite image from 2018.
2018 was a challenging year for me, after going hard at trying to make a living from my photography for about 3 years I hit a wall about a 3rd of the way through the year and found myself worrying so much about the business side of things that I wasn't even doing any photography. Well I was but it felt forced, I felt like I just had to be creating content. I ended up just chasing my tail not knowing what to do next. I was feeling un-inspired and with little financial backing left to help fuel the business I stepped back and let things slip quite a bit.
Which was actually the best thing for me to do.
After completing the NEIS program I decided to go onto Centrelink payments so I could continue working on my photography full time.
This was fine at first and allowed me to keep shooting and being creative.
At the end of 2017 I scored a short-term contract with a fit out company helping them to reconcile their image assets into a new database. It was easy work that I could do from home and it paid well and the financial freedom was welcomed by both my partner Emily and I after scraping by for the last few years while we were both trying to build our businesses.
But at the completion of the contract and no work in sight I was back on Centrelink and that was the pretty much the straw that broke the camels back I think… And I’m glad it did.
The other thing that has been going on this whole time is my own personal development. I have been battling PTSD and a myriad of other neurosis that have come along with it for about 14 years now and in this last year I have really found myself yearning for the daily stress and anxiety to be over, which led me to focusing on myself and not so much my art or my business.
So towards the end of this year I started meditating daily, journaling and making sure I was doing some kind of physical activity whether it be body boarding, mountain biking, hiking or just lifting weights every day.
This had a profound effect on my mental clarity and I started to feel much more present and less trapped in the blender that are my thoughts.
I started to see a counsellor nearby until I had secured an appointment with an EMDR therapist in Sydney who I have now been seeing since November. (Thank you to everyone who bought one of my photos when I was trying to raise the funds for my exhibition and the therapy; I have so much love for you all!)
The therapy has been great and has exceeded my expectations of what therapy can achieve. (Due to past experiences)
In saying that though it has absolutely rocked me and I have spent large parts of the last couple of months just crying and journaling and processing and it’s been pretty bloody shit at times.
BUT this therapy is shifting things for me. I’m gaining new perspectives and letting go of negative thoughts about myself and others in the situations that have caused this hell.
And how freaking good is it to be able to cry? I feel like I haven’t cried in years. And I probably haven’t, and I haven’t ever cried enough to let all this pain out. IT FEELS AMAZING!
I don’t know if this is too much to share but I’m doing it anyway. This is the man behind the camera, behind the images, behind the art.
So what’s install for 2019?
Well firstly I’ve enrolled in a Fine Arts and Design Degree at Uni, I’ve been applying for jobs endlessly and nothing as come up, so to me that’s a little hint from life that that isn’t the direction I should be going. And when I sat down to look at Uni degrees and within an hour I was enrolled in this course and a Diploma (Which I have decided not to do as well… I think.) I feel like this is the direction I should be moving in and I may as well be learning and expanding my skills and knowledge around what I enjoy doing and hopefully this will open up some new pathways down the road!
I’ll have heaps more landscape photography to share with you all, no doubts there. One goal I have for this year is to do heaps more Astro-Photography and Videos so keep your eyes peeled for that.
I’m in the process of building my own home photography studio, well actually it’s built I’m just waiting on some spare coin to buy some black fabric to block out windows etc. So I hope to be teaching myself all there is to know about Studio photography. And I’m looking for guinea pigs to take photos of, wait did I say guinea pigs? I meant models!
So thanks everyone for all your support over 2018 and beyond and here’s to an awesome 2019!
And to anyone else out there who struggles with mental illness, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you got this!
If you’d like to know more about the man behind the camera I have been blogging about my journey and you can find it here:-
https://byodiversity.wordpress.com/