Musings XXI
There are some disagreements that aren’t worth holding grudges over. With enough exposure over the years; most individuals become tolerable in social settings. As a reminder, I’m a very friendly person and I make a conscious effort to get along with everyone.
Are you around acquaintances that feel the need to voice opinions that are entirely unnecessary? I’d like to think that we’re all in agreement and say that stating the obvious dumbs us all down. Which is why I’ve chosen to keep certain thoughts to myself and I like to flex that right in arguments. Sometimes silence is the deadliest weapon.
Do you have a friend that enjoys making a big fuss when there are eyes on them? Yes, I’ve got a few friends like that and I’d also like to call them ‘sometimes’ friends. Don’t get me wrong, I think they’re lovely creatures in their own right but I’ve got a specific taste for long term companionships. As a result, there are times where they are welcome and other occasions where I’d like to avoid them by dropping off the radar.
I took a public lashing recently. Vocalized concerns were actually insults in disguise. If you’ve ever been to Minnesota then you might have heard the expression “Minnesota, nice.” Well, it’s actually “Minnesota, passive aggressive.” Take note of that and don’t forget it.
I don’t appreciate backhanded comments so my face flushed in response and I felt enraged. My brain was firing at an immense speed. Rational thinking folded in roughly with raw unsettling emotions. Anyone can make the split decision to bite back immediately but it takes a lot of self control to stop yourself and to think about their feelings instead.
Is it unfair to have someone’s feelings of anger and frustration projected on to you? Maybe even ideals that don’t like up with your own? Yeah, it’s fucking annoying. Even more so when that person is ignorant to what’s going on. Who knows, they could have mentally taken themselves on a trip to erase what fault could be placed on them. Some things should be taken into consideration. I’m not saying that you should give these people a ‘free pass’ but practicing compassion brings forth it’s own rewards.
I like to catalogue key points from the confrontation and once the situation has slowed in momentum then I’ll address it. In this specific case, I’m choosing to ignore it until it’s brought up. I know this particular friend enjoys confrontation so ending it peacefully is more impactful than raising a hand. I’m also taking a backseat from the relationship and the my reasons are a clear reflection of where I stand. I think it’s unfair to push people into positions where they should feel guilt because of societies outdated views and I think it’s shitty to do it in public because that can weigh on a persons psyche.
All very true... I think I am having the problem of doing art that people assume is all about them... and I just want to be like.
No
It's my messed up life... I mean sure that person is in there, but the reality is that people have a compaction problem emotionally. Meaning more and more problems become compressed as it ways on us. The pressure builds and stupid people just say shit under pressure.
Hopefully the blow means less when you know the out burst perhaps wasn't about you in the end but their own misery. Misery tends to need to come out, as it drives people nuts. That is why you do the musings...to get shit off your chest, right? Is this not a public space too? Can not this person realize who they might be and this might way on their psyche too? We are all a little bad to one another... especially the people we, even a little bit, care about... because those people just assume you will be around forever and we do it to them too.
We just are toxic to one another sometimes. It happens in friendships a lot. I don't know the whole story so I am just talking out of my own bias asshole on this one.
I think you pull the plug when the respect is no longer there. If they can disrespect you deeply it is time to move on. But I am just a chilly bitch about respect so I again am just talking out of my bias asshole on that one too.
“I think I am having the problem of doing art that people assume is all about them” -I think that’s a true art form in itself which will make more sense as I continue.
I took great care in writing my thoughts here discretely. It has the potential to hurt those who want to be hurt.
People notice things when they feel compelled to question themselves and the motives of others. I’d like to think that my musings are kind of like an exercise for the mind. Do you share these feelings, does this sound like you, how would you react and have my words made you curious about yourself and those around you?
With my friends..the words may not hurt but I take breaks when I think personalities/opinions will clash. It benefits both parties. I also know them all well enough to know what hurts. I guess that’s a special trait. I’m also very forgiving because we’re all fucked up and not everyone is okay with accepting anyone who is less than perfection.
Who wants to be perfect, right?💜. I always thought it was a bit over rated haha.
Silence is the deadliest weapon, especially in this era of ghosting. I will walk away and take a breath, and depending on the situation, that breath may take several years, but I like balance, resolution, if I walk away from an argument it's so I can come back to it without emotions and speak objectively... At least that's what I'd like to think I do🤔
Minnesota nice? It's funny, when I visited Minnesota to see my wife's best friend, we stayed at her parents. For breakfast they made eggs and I asked for someone to pass the salt and pepper. Turns out having pepper is not common in Tibetan households so they didn't have any, which was fine. When we came home from visiting Mall of America, there on the counter sat a HUGE container of black pepper, they had went out to Costco and bought it just to appease me... It was the weirdest nice, almost ridiculous. It's probably still on the shelf for the next time I visit, though her friend has married and moved to Duluth.
Personally I can't stand passive aggressive, I know that's what you mean, in Germany I knew a girl who constantly talked in barbed lines you could never quite call her on.
Ghosting...I hate the sound of that word. It’s been abused and I feel dead inside when I hear it.
We both handle arguments in a similar way. So when I think about using silence, I think of it using it for it’s ‘shock’ factor or even maintaining a calm demeanor. I’ve been yelled at by strangers who have wanted to scare me with their booming voices and they become confused when you’re not matching that energy.
The black pepper situation is hilarious. Not sure if that’s entirely a Minnesotan or if that’s simply a cultural thing.
Passive aggressiveness till this day will throw me off. I’m the person in the middle that see’s a harmless conversation happening and then both parties will tell me days later that they’re angry, they refuse to forgive and they don’t want to get over it. They are beyond reason.
I prefer job site politic, your angry, you yell, you take a walk, you come back and apologize, life is different when you depend on people you may not like to get a paycheque... But most are willing to be amiable and don't want drama.
It is very difficult to catalog those who are really friends of one, usually I try to understand most people and their way of thinking and many times, I am confronting different points of view we have with my co-workers, there are people who always they will talk about one behind their backs, but that is something that almost does not affect me, if it is of some defect that has of my person, because people will always judge our defects more than our virtues. the only thing that I do not like many times is that they invent things of one and those people, the general, I take them away from my social circle.
Have a nice night, the bad days are not here to stay.
Yeah, my social circle is also very tight because I can’t tolerate people being vicious without a cause. I also think that work gossiping is the worst. I’ve had employees who would constantly come to me with complaints and tell me that these issues must be resolved by me because ’I am the boss.’ I kind of laugh at the demands and the pointless thumping because the issues can be resolved by both parties involved. They just don’t want to deal with it because they’re scared. I kind of think that these situations rise from boredom or the lack of confidence. Glad to hear that you take the high road. Have a good night!
This really resonates with me. I think a lot of people simply love confrontation and testing peoples boundaries, it does seem to be a part of overall human nature. But not my nature. I've built up strategies with dealing with such folk but it usually tends to boil down to avoidance. It takes too much energy otherwise, a real drag, man. I'm a hippy at heart but once someone oversteps into the territory of cruelty, then I drop them. It can be lonely, but theres no other way I would want it. Let others suffer fools.
Love the candor @vermillionfox
Not in my nature either. Cutting people out of your life never gets easy. I think back on the ones I’ve left behind and I still have no regrets. I’m much happier and I continue to wish them all well.