Dream Countdown #1: Modeling

Growing up I was that little girl who always loved to dress up. I always had to wear a dress to church and heaven forbid if anyone tried to tell me what to wear--even if I was wearing plaid and polka dots. Thankfully as I got older my sense of style changed as I grew more interested in the fashion industry. Modeling quickly became a dream of mine but sadly I never pursued it. Growing up in a conservative Christian home, modeling was not openly received by my parents, so Instagram became my modeling platform.

SMILE AND POSE
It's easy to make people think that your happy and your life is going great through the lense of a camera but there is a deeper story behind every picture--behind every smile. For me it was the fact that for that short amount of time each photo shoot I could forget everything. All my fears, my worries, my self hatred, my anxiety--all that was brushed to the back of my mind. At that moment I could pause my brain and just dream.

NOT AGAIN!
Whenever a great photo opportunity arises I never miss a chance to get the perfect shot--even if it means I have no photographer and must resort to a selfie, which happens a lot, meaning I hear "Not again Crystal!" from my family members. Or even "why don't you ever smile?" In fact, growing up, I always had the nickname 'Mona Lisa' because I never wanted to smile for pictures. I had a hard time falling in love with my smile and pictures that were more sad and mysterious always spoke to me more. Though that's still my favorite mood to portray in pictures, I have since learned to love my smile. Why? Because I'm now discovering how to be happy with who I am and the life I was given.

I'M A GIANT!
When I was 16 I was taller than my older sister who stood at 5'2. By 17 I was taller than my mom who was 5'6. I felt like a giant! I loved to wears heels but every time I wore them I became taller than every guy I knew. I stood out and that was the last thing I wanted. To make it worse, by the time I stopped growing I was 5'7 and taller than my dad. All I wanted was to be petite and short like my older sister but instead I was--well--not. I thought guys only liked girls who were pretty and short. But because I couldn't change my height I tried to change other things about me. I was just headed on a downward spiral of self hatred that was ready to destroy me. Thankfully I was saved from that and now I actually love my height! Learning to embrace and love my body for how it is makes me a better model because self confidence is now portrayed in my pictures instead of self hatred.

BE BOLD
My advice to other aspiring models out there is-- be bold. Don't put your imagination or ideas in a box. Try new things over and over again until you nail it! I don't know how many times I tried an idea and it never seemed to work but then one day it just clicked and I was never happier with a picture. In my pictures I like to showcase my different characteristics and personalities. I may like to be up to date and trendy but there is also that old fashioned, Audrey Hepburn, side of me that I love as well. So let your pictures describe you and most of all have fun!