insatiable pride, December 11th

To err is the first mistake. To fail to correct it, is the second. Often times, moments of weakness fall upon this kid for these very reasons. Many will insist that that since perfection is unattainable, naturally one can stumble on the path. Reflection and time bring humility to my doorstep, and myself to the knees. Pride may be the gravest sin visited upon me. At times, ambition feels right as the culprit, all manner of ramblings sought to be exculpatory, the mark of a veritable charlatan. After all, the storms of life that leave one sodden can be an excuse for the sorry state, yet a strange hubris drives one to leave the house without an umbrella, jacket, nary any means of protection. To this end, a sort of bias serves oneself heaps of praise for part-time achievements all the while, shirking responsibility for the less favorable actions. End-term exams await next week, yet the trees are seen for the forest, and more concerning are selfish exploits this weekend. In the past, my art and portraiture have earned a solo exhibition for the public’s eyes. Beyond thrilled, even these events do not truly portray the carelessness with which I spent the proceeds, or the lack of consecutive efforts to spread my artistry further. Only in the lean times, do my vanity and braggadocios stand out as shameful pushes to deify mine own image. I admit, some skill was shown but little humility expressed, nor diligence in the way of seeking opportunities and arrangements. Through a single perspective of a moment, portraits do not aggrandize the individual, especially as film reminds one of the wide expanses that is time. As one returns to moments captured in the past, analog, as a medium, reminds one that the development of an image is a long, tried and true process, with little manipulation available, as the photo is a etching of the experience, an objective permanence.