ok here are the difficult answers, from my perspective. about community, about success. about direction and courage and perseverance despite the odds.

i work at being me, at being here and present, even when there are days that i feel like i want to leave because it hurts too much to stay. i work at trying to communicate, and keeping my eye on the reasons i joined steemit and discord.

not for the money. but for the belief that the world needs a better plan to move forward that includes sustainability, caring, community and purpose.

i came here a year ago and did something new to me. im an introvert. a yuuuge introvert. but i joined in. i got involved in the community. and i gave. i gave and i tried and i cried and i cared and i fought for what i believed was right til my ears bled.

but in the end it wasn't enough. people got mad at me for asking for what i wanted. for pointing out things i thought weren't correct in the system. and then i failed. not because i didnt try. but because the "me" i gave was too challenged by the need to adapt to what was required.

now i am trying to pick myself up and find direction. im afraid to put myself into anything else because of the past, and i feel many people are reluctant to trust me because they believe i should be a certain way that i really dont comprehend.

i am who i am.

i dont know that i will ever try to be a success again. when i was reaching for that success, i got slapped down and told i should accept what i have and not want more. i didn't match their ideal of who i should be to fit in.

trying to be a success means opening the self up to failure, and that hurts. it comes with loss of self, feeling like people take your work and your dreams for granted. people tend not to see you beyond your role, or only as what you can do to help them. perceptions suck.

i might not be "the best i can be", because im tired of trying to live up to expectations i can never meet. i do what makes me happy. i struggle a lot with direction, but im still trying.

in the end, i believe we should NOT be measured by what we do, because that can be judged. "shitposter" versus "whale".

i believe that showing up and trying, even with what others call "a sucky attitude" should count. we arent all born with the same graces. we are all here in this melting pot experiment. I am working on being part of the whole.