Without having lived
He looked up with eyes wide as the sky blurred in the ripples on the surface. The dying evening light seemed bright compared to the darkness that approached from behind. His arms extended out and forwards from his body as if reeling in slow motion from a blow to the chest, except instead of backwards, he was knocked downwards. He was calm. He had given up. He had resigned from his life.
Just moments before he had struggled with all his body could muster, beaten with his fists and clawed with his fingers in a vain attempt to grasp what was impossible to hold. He screamed but all that came was muted gurgling.
He had travelled too far, gone out of his depth into a place where his skills were grossly inadequate. His confidence held had been replaced with immediate fear but now, that too had subsided to the point of nothing. Now, all that remained was a feeling of surrender, of serenity.
It was here that he realised that there was nothing to fear, even though he knew not what would come when the sky above would be bright no more. In those final seconds he had accepted his life, accepted that it would end. Once acceptance had set in, it was then he knew it would be okay for, there was nothing else it could be.
Imagine the headlines: Boy drowns on his 8th birthday
That boy was me yet here I am to write this now, as in the final moments of resignation, a fifteen year old jumped in to save me. I remember him pumping my chest to get the water out. He knew what he was doing as he was trained, the son of the owner of the swimming complex, friend's of the family.
We were there to celebrate mine and my brother @galenkp's birthday. The rest of the family were in another pool playing and I had just learned to swim in a shallow kid's pool and had decided I was ready for something larger. When I became fully conscious again and after I regurgitated the water in my lungs, I said to the boy, "Don't tell my mum." My fear of her scolding was greater than that of death it seems.
But, in those minutes I faced death for the second time in my life that I can remember. There have been several since but it was in the mind of an eight year old I concluded that death is not something to fear, it is something to accept and when it is time, when all the fight is gone, something to surrender into.
But, only when the fight is gone, only when you are certain that there is no other way to survive, no other way through. Up until that point for me, it will be tooth and nail as long as it is only me that will take the punishment.
It is because of this event amongst the others that I know I do not fear death and, I know I want to live. My biggest fear is to close my eyes, sink in to the darkness knowing I hadn't fought my all. I fear dying without having fully lived.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
This is so beautiful. The whole story is... I fear that, too...I really don't know what to say. There are so many who choose to waste their lives, like they get a thousand of those, but they really don't. They just exist, like they don't care about fighting, about living. I think that's truly sad.
Most seem to spend an ordinate amount of time avoiding life, looking for distraction. I think it dulls the senses to life itself and breeds complacency.
Yes, I think so, too...but why? I mean, yes, life can be hard, but I think the only thing worse than the pain or disappointment you might go through, at some point, is being numb, not feeling at all.
The more medication, the lower the pain tolerance I guess. With a life of avoidance, the slightest discomfort seems unbearable so many increasingly pull away.
You're so nice for commenting on this post. For that, I gave you a vote!
I guess so...I don't think I could do that, it would be too much to know I am wasting my life. But of course, I suppose they don't admit this to themselves, so that makes it sort of okay...But how do these two types of people ( the one who chooses pain and to live, and the one who pulls away) interact?
Not sure, perhaps their paths don't cross that much in the real world or, perhaps if known already, they pull away from each other. I have a saying, grow together, or grow apart.
I suppose there's no chance of the desire to live rubbing off on the other, is there? They can't realize "the error of their ways" and change?
Because, I know someone like that and you seem to be right, it's rather a case of growing apart...
I had to laugh at the "don't tell my mum" bit XD It reminded me of a story I was told my someone (can't remember quite who now) who was doing one of the long overland drives to a country town when all of a sudden a kid on a bike came out of nowhere. The storyteller was doing 110kmh on this country road so after clipping this kid on the bike and managing to stop in a hurry they of course assumed the worst as they rushed back.
The kid had somehow managed to bounce and escape relatively unscathed (aside from some abrasions from coming off the bike) and the first words out of their mouth was apparently also "Don't tell my mum." Priorities XD
Glad you lived to tell the tale!
With the amount of close calls so many kids have, it really is a wonder how many of us survive to adulthood.
When I was about 20 or so, I told her about this story and she was shocked I was able to keep it a secret at all, let alone have some others keep it also. :)
Impressive, most impressive.
Is that your kid in the photo?
It is my little one from the autumn baby swimming. She doesn't go now but I wanted her to be comfortable in the water so she won't end up in the middle of a pool somewhere like me.
I support you until the end very nice post @tarazkp
I don't know how that is going to work out for either of us
Look! I was really surprised by that close experience with death, how tremendous is the innocence of a child, it worries you more than your mother would be angry, your story is tremendous, while I read it I had goosebumps, I also remembered when I was a kid that I almost I drown in a pool, but in this case my father saved me, for that reason I do not fear death because I saw her face to face.
Nice post.
It is obviously a great philosophy.
It is an educative value for all steemians.
Thanks @tarazkb.
I will wait for your upcoming post.
I appreciate this contant.Exactly this is very educative blog.Eveybody should follow such a role.Keep it up
It's a good story, my friend
well it has not happened to you
This is an interesting thought. Now, do we ever really know when that moment comes? Or we just keep fighting no matter what? Not out of fear, but out of hope?
I really like this, because one can relate that to so many other aspects of life. To try to do a great work before it's all over; for peace lies in being proud in what you did, and that only comes if you know you did a good job. In my opinion at least.
Great post! Draws you towards reflections.
At age seven, I had a drowning experience...I was swimming under water and as I reached for the edge of the pool, my hand grabbed my older sisters 'boob' Laughing with ones head in the water is not advisable...Regards @averageoutsider