I can't get no...

in #philosophy5 years ago

I was talking to someone last week about relationships and he who is currently single, would like to find someone and settle down. The problem is that he travels a lot for his work which makes it difficult to meet potential partners and of course, for the settling down part. This is a common position of humans, there is the want to achieve something but the behaviors don't support the accomplishment of the goals.

At a basic level, if we are unable to put ourselves in a position where we are not going to come across the opportunities that lead us to where we are going to go, it is akin to trying to get rich by winning the lottery, without buying a ticket. It is not impossible, just highly unlikely to lead to where we think we want to be. Opportunity is found from our environment and therefore, what we surround ourselves with matters.

Of course, this doesn't just happen with relationships, it happens with all things we consume. Essentially, we are consuming the experience around us and the adage, you are what you eat really does hold true. It is difficult to become a mathematician, an athlete or a musician without exposing ourselves to the practice of the field. It is also very difficult to have money without the right work or save money while filling our attention with advertising material.

The environment we put ourselves in becomes a catalyst for our behaviors as for the most part, we are highly influenced and manipulable. This means that if we are not careful with who and what we surround ourselves with in our lives, we are likely to end up either mimicking or being programmed to behave in ways that might not lead us to where we want to go. At some point though, the programmed habit is so strong in us that we identify with it and believe that we are it.

When we believe we are our actions, it makes it difficult to change because change then becomes "losing" who we are and if you haven't noticed, people don't like loss. However, many people might lose their future hopes and dreams because they are unable to lose themselves now. This is exacerbated by the fact that we aren't very good at identifying our needs, desires and of course, fears.

What we need might not be what we want and what we want or need might be impossible to have if we fear to do the things that lead to gaining them. These are internal conflicts that we rarely identify and when these stretch across large swaths of time, it is even more difficult as it feels like there is always tomorrow.

A good example of there is tomorrow thinking is when it comes to investing into uncertainty. We fear the loss of our investment so we hold back until we are 'certain' but the more certain something is, the less return it will offer. When it comes to something like a trend, an earlier adopter has the most to gain but will also run the most risk of losing their investment, whether time, money, effort.

This is likely a good reason why one should never invest what one isn't willing to lose completely which is another way of saying, never invest with what one actually needs. This is a challenge of course because most of us don't actually know what we need and therefore go after more of what we want. This means that we are potentially risking needs for desires and if we get our desires filled, we may still not be satisfied because we are still missing what we need. Much like how eating empty calories doesn't satisfy hunger.

Going back to relationships, there are a lot of lonely people in this world who are longing for connection and intimacy but are not putting themselves into environments where that is possible. They use consumptive distractions that satisfy wants as a surrogate but rarely feel full, engaged, satisfied. They might be consuming the want for money, the pleasure of food or the numbing of entertainment.

If we knew what we needed well we would likely drop the consumption of desire and pick up the trail of need fulfillment instead. This sounds like another chase but it is only a chase because we weren't listening in the first place and instead embedded ourselves into environments that weren't conducive to supporting our needs. The interesting thing is that we can have all of the accouterments we could ever want but still feel dissatisfied if one need isn't met. This is the definition of need.

Of course from a survival of life aspect we might not need much but as humans, we are not just physical creatures, we are also psychological and emotional beings who are able to imagine things in the past and future as well as learn from sources we will never experience. This sets us up for a great deal of conflict if we are unable to recognize the difference between need and want and unable to overcome our fears of failure, loss and behavior.

We each live our life and our experience of it is uniquely ours but as we start relying more and more on groupthink and algorithms looking to satisfy average and economy, the less we are likely to discover our needs or create our personal world in a way that surrounds us with ways to get what we need, not just what we want.

I wonder, if we could accurately identify our needs and objectively look at our behaviors, how much of what we do is counter-productive to satisfying ourselves as individuals, how much of our world is engineered in a way that it keeps us chasing desires that will never fill our needs and how many people are working hard but will never get to where they want to be because they can't let go of where they are.

If we take a look around our lives we should be surrounded by the things that lead us to where we want to go, the things that catalyze the thoughts that turn into behavioral change and the circumstances that lead to opportunity.

Have you designed your life to be as favorable as possible for where you want to be? It is easy to have excuses why not but it isn't that hard to make small shifts that will compound against each other and grow into something more. The world of consumerism doesn't recommend looking at our needs though, it is engineered to fill desire only. What that means is no product will ever satisfy us completely by design, that is up to us.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

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Yes yes yes to all that.

So much to comment on, but I’ll pick this one:

However, many people might lose their future hopes and dreams because they are unable to lose themselves now.

Who is this self that people are not ready to lose?

All of what you describe about needs and wants is a battle between ego-self and higher self to me. One wants short term satisfaction and the other long term fulfillment.

Most of us are too identified with the ego - our “self image” - and that’s soo hard to “lose”.

But it’s in the letting go that all development happens. To me the word de-velopment actually is just another word for letting go (of our identification with old conditioning that our true self got en-veloped with).

Letting go, losing all of our judgments and limiting beliefs and things we thought were true about ourselves, others and the world - that’s where the magic happens.

That, and of course living with intention, always focused on what you want as your North Star, while at the same time embracing the moments when life throws you curve balls and gives you what you need instead :)

Posted using Partiko iOS

All of what you describe about needs and wants is a battle between ego-self and higher self to me. One wants short term satisfaction and the other long term fulfillment.

I see it the same but many don't really want to go into that level of conversation, we definitely aren't taught to think along these lines.

Letting go, losing all of our judgments and limiting beliefs and things we thought were true about ourselves, others and the world - that’s where the magic happens.

We have the tendency to tie people to action so we do the same to ourselves. We build identity around arbitrary traits and behaviours as well as our successes and failures to create a view of ourselves that we believe is us. We condition ourselves as much as we are conditioned.

That, and of course living with intention, always focused on what you want as your North Star, while at the same time embracing the moments when life throws you curve balls and gives you what you need instead :)

Aim without expectation, adjust and evolve as life changes.

Aw! Hope to see you again in about 12 months ;)

Or did you mean Taraz? It’s not clear here haha! But still. See you at SF4 😄
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i met you silly! of course i meant you.

Guess my ego needed to hear it twice 😂

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Yeah, it's one of the first lessons they give in economics 101: don't sell them what they need, sell them what they want.

There should be consumer 101 to counteract the effects. Buy what you need before ever buying what you want.

Yeah. But then you won't see any luxuary goods at all anymore. But realistically, even if people get consumer 101, they will still buy what they want, not what they need. It in the human nature.

One very important reason why our culture, or perhaps cultures in general, does not encourage genuine self-discovery is because if the average person engaged in self-discovery, it would kill massive revenue streams enjoyed by the wealthy and powerful.

Of course. Consumerism only really benefits a very narrow few financially. A very, very narrow few.

It does benefit many in the sense that consumption is part of economic growth making higher earnings possible for many. But what it has nothing to do with is freedom. To be fully engrossed in the consumerist lifestyle is to live hand to mouth regardless of income level. That system has a hierarchy where the top positions are occupied by the corporate elite.

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Depends how you look at it because it also drives a debt cycle that is untenable and forces various types of economic slavery.

That's what hand to mouth living is all about.

You nailed it so well it's giving me shivers... Which means... o_O

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Sometimes I get things close ;)

While I fell into the normal trendsnof consumerism in the past, I have slowly been coming back to position myself with my needs and wants for the betterment of my family. Temptation continue to move me at times towards having things that are not need and which will set me back at my goals but then I remember what a achieved life could look like and how my daughter watches me set the example so that has help.

There is a balance woth all things but ehen it comes to satisfying for pleasure, it is very easy to run over. Having something like family as a reminder helps tremendously.

Well I guess people could consider investing in an inflatable

Many are I think. These days, robotic ones too :D

Who could tell?

The best way to recognize a real woman is to start doing something with the potential woman next to you.

If the woman tells you're doing it wrong, it's a real woman.
If it's quiet or compliments you, it might just be a realistic sex doll.

What if she makes noises like an angry chicken?

This is just a guess, but..
it might be an angry chicken?

Not sure.

"We may still not be satisfied because we are still missing what we need."This phrase seems really important to humans.Maybe that's why we gotta "seize the day."

Seize the day and do what we want or what we need?

It means 'carpediem'....i guess both of them

I know what it means, I am just saying that most people are already doing what they want which is likely why there are so many discontent people in this world.

There is no limit to one's desire like eating a lot but feel permanently hungry. i think.

There is control of desire though.

Indeed we are what we eat. When we hang out in the barbershop we're bound to get a haircut. Our environment does influence us. . We can choose to overcome our environment if we wish to take the risks. Change can be uncomfortable at first but it is an investment in our growth. There are risks in relationships and there are risks in the stock market. Generally the higher the risk the greater the opportunity for the reward or loss. Enjoyed the photos attached. Thanks my friend @tarazkp

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