Finding 10 as a 6
It is is no news to people that I find my wife gorgeous and she is far out of my league in many, many ways but, don't tell her that please. This photo was taken in Milan on our honeymoon a few years ago and despite her looking pretty bored and the shot having been taken from the position of a stalker while she was unaware, we did have a great time there on holiday.
We actually secretly eloped and no one knew we were married until they received a wedding photo in the mail, there was a mixed response because people were happy for us but, they also would have liked to be at a wedding. We don't really live our lives based on other people's expectations of us, me less than her, much to the annoyance of in-laws at times.
The other day in a post I mentioned about putting oneself into environments where there is the possibility of doors opening that lead to where one wants to go and, I think this is how I discovered my wife. I curated her :) I know that isn't the best way to put it, but it is a decent visual for the process in many ways.
If you love art - go to art galleries, if you enjoy the forest - go hiking. Put yourself into environments where you are surrounded by what you enjoy or, what you are looking for. I met my wife on the dance floor and despite me being a 6 at best both as a looker and a dancer, it is a place I enjoy and, a place where there are the types of people I enjoy also. Beautiful women who can dance. Once in the environment, it is just a matter of finding and connecting, and dancing is a brilliant way to get to know someone and the dance communities are filled with a tight knit group of all kinds of people, from all kinds of backgrounds.
It is in this dynamic that the beauty of randomness is found, and that random brings situations and options one might not necessarily expect to find. I can't describe to you well the moment I saw my wife on the dance floor and I definitely can't explain the second I held her hand when she gripped back and we both knew. I is impossible with words.
Of course, she is much more than a beautiful woman who can dance, she is more than my equal in so many ways and she is hands down the best mother a child could wish for. She might not be very patient with me, but with our daughter she is like like a stoic of old. We have our issues like any couple though, there is no such thing as perfect and I am far from an easy person to live with so, there is that.
The randomness of our chance encounters is decreasing in many ways as we spend more time behind screens that are feeding us algorithms based on our search choices and behavior. I wonder whether any of the algorithms would have put my wife and I together though. If we were swiping to find a date while I would choose her, would she have chosen me? Why would a 10 settle for a 6 when there are other 10s to choose from?
Essentially when people are using an app like Tinder they are basing their swipes on arbitrary features of a person that rarely have anything to do with what they are actually after. Poor curation. Of course, a one night stand might not matter for quality of personality, but the chances of actually finding real matches is very, very low as the pool is much too large to discover what actually suits, what one really enjoys. The real world approach of getting surrounded by what we enjoy not only offers a much narrower pool of suitability, it allows for random interactions where it is possible that unexpected wants and needs come up and, a 10 can choose a 6. How old fashioned.
This isn't just for love relationships, it is for everything in this life, all kinds of relationships and opportunities arise when we put ourselves into situations where unexpected can happen, where based on new information we are introduced to what we had never previously considered. Sitting behind screens being fed content limits the introduction of random and therefore, potential also as well as reduces our opportunity to discover things about ourselves that change our opinions and behaviors.
It is interesting as we get the sense that we are having more options opened up to us through the amount of information available, but our experience range actually decreases drastically for the most part as we generally do less and get out less. We are provided a false sense of experience and often it is delivered with filler content that makes us feel we are getting what we want while not actually providing it. Hijacked hard wiring, but that is another post.
There is nothing wrong with spending time glued to screens until it limits experiences that we actually value and takes away quality of life we require to feel that this life we live is worth living. It might not be a relationship with a person that is lacking, it could be the relationship with nature or a skill that is looking to be fulfilled. For me, dancing was something I love and enjoy learning more of and being surrounded by people wanting to do the same is empowering and encouraging. The environment allowed for both learning and love and a combination of them both.
And in my opinion, they are two things worth living for.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
Well done, boy... well done. Just -don't- make the mistake of no longer dating her. Just cause you land 'em don't mean you can neglect them. ;-)
Very, very high maintenance :D
xD
Finding someone who has a similar love of things is special. When your good looks disappear at least you have the interests to keep you together.
They will disappear? Oh no... That drops me to what, a 3?
When you talk of 10s and 6s, are you referring to looks? Galen often says the same about his wife and himself. From a woman's point of view, often a man who is a 10 in looks is not the sort of man that that is relationship material. For me (and I think many others), attractiveness runs much deeper than how someone looks physically. I remember once thinking how one man who was quite aesthetically pleasing was actually rather unattractive to most women (he was a creep), whereas a much less aesthetically pleasing man was attractive to many.
Just out of nosiness, did you meet your wife in Finland or Australia? I love to hear how couples met.
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I am talking looks but in general, she is better than me in most things so it goes across the board.
We met in Finland on the dance floor. I was scared to dance with her because she is an incredible dancer and I am basic level so I stared at her for a while until I worked up the courage to ask. It took a while to work out but eventually, here we are :)
Such an amazing woman must also have good judgement, so perhaps she sees something in you that you don't rate highly in yourself. After reading your post today, I'd say one of those things is the drive to do whatever it takes to care for your family.
So you visited Finland and stayed when you fell in love? :D
This is actually something that has been on my mind a lot lately, Taraz. I spend a lot of time writing, both on here and for other projects, which obviously doesn't leave much time for meeting people and, as I was trying to think up ways to change that, I reached the same conclusion.
I better focus on the things that interest me, go see/do what I want and hope for the best. Sure, you might meet more people somewhere else, but those people are interested in that something else, and then what's the point?
So, this (reassuring) post came at a really good time :)
It was just for you, we are connected :D
I think if possible, learning with people who we enjoy is a better experience anyway and helps with advancement. It isn't really about finding a partner, it is the world in general people are losing.
I think that's true, sadly. Everyone's disjointed and lost, you know, just wandering around not really engaged about anything. It's damn strange. But most won't do anything about that, so...I guess it's their fault too.
Awwwwww <3
Wow you wife is really beautiful. He who finds a wife finds a good thing so you must have really find a good thing. That is your wife. I am still hoping to find my own beautiful wife later in the future. I guess she is getting herself ready for me somewhere that i may not know
Get out into the world when you are ready :)
I find this to be a real problem with kids. They are plugged in at all times when other responsibilities have been met. Even their interpersonal relationships suffer greatly. Way to much time is spent with their eyes glued to a screen. What happened to enjoying the outdoors, sports, just playing with friends. With interactions limited and a waning desire to get involved with others, as they sit glued to a screen, real life experiences have taken a back seat. Social skills are diminished and new experiences are limited as their attention is focused on their iPad.
Yet, people wonder why depression, drug overdose and suicide is on the increase.
I am surely happy I found my match years ago before smartphone were a thing as I would have probably run into issues finding a person with similar interests. I also am lucky that it was before taking a large corporate role in my career because I am sure I would not have found anyone travel for work! Instead, I got lucky at a small office where we connected talking about our nephews that were the same age. Little did we know that years later we would be raising a child of our own! That is how I found my 10!
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It is funny how things work out and often there are competing desires that makes timing impossible. I am glad that you are happy, it makes the world a little better when there are good relationships in it.
Are you saying that for example, someone wants to find a mate, it's not the best idea to just wait at home for a suitable person!? Does one actually have to go and curate one from a public place?
There will be a wearable at some point to do just this.
How cute. She still has you believing you picked her up, when in reality woman curate men.
Lol, they make the decision but the guy builds the bower :D
Indeed live relationships with people and nature are more valuable than the limited interaction of the computer be that facebook, steemit etc. One must get out and mingle to create those moments and defy the alga rhythms. Risk of the chance verses playing it safe behind a screen. Thanks for sharing your photo and post @tarazkp.
Creation is a very good point, people expect it all just to happen.