Don't let me wake up

Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.

I have used this quote several times in my posts I think even though the work of the person it is attributed to goes well over my head. I haven't the foggiest as to what Stephen Hawking research was about and for the most part, those that claim to, are probably under an illusion.

The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.

For me, Hawking was someone who game me hope. I don't mean for humanity, that is likely doomed but rather, for my own time here on this planet. I actually look up to the words of many of the people who's work I am too dull of mind to understand as for the most part, it is the most intelligent among us who have the most hope for humanity and almost without exception, that includes the concepts of a healthy community who support each other.

But Hawking was a bit different and even though I knew of him, I never really looked to discover who he was as in my opinion, one cannot know another, especially through the words of popular culture. The reason he had an effect on me was his disability and the way he coped with it. If he can do it, I can do it was my thinking. No, I am not disabled or at least, not that disabled.

When I was in my mid-teens however, I got very ill and went from the athletic kid in the family to the bedridden in months. For a sixteen year old, it tore at my mind as it ripped at my body and there were many times I would go to sleep at night hoping I would not wake up again. Many nights. I call on those times often for personal inspiration as they were among the hardest I have faced so revisiting them is a reminder of the bullshit I might call difficult now. Some choose to forget, some lock it away, some use it define them, I use it to empower me when I need.

I remember one evening laying on the couch and seeing an interview with him and I watched as he struggled to speak through the computer about the most incredible of things, some I did not grasp, some filled my mind with ideas and some, were the kinds of things that made me feel that I had value beyond my body. That, even though I may never move without pain again, I wasn't worthless.

However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.

So, I moved. I was not in a wheelchair, I was not a complete invalid yet so why, why was I sitting around feeling depressed and sorry for myself when there was so much I could be doing that would still be along the pathway I had chosen? No, I couldn't move as fast and I will never reach as far as I may have otherwise but, fuck that shit, I had a chance to live and even though it wasn't ideal, it was life. I had things to do and sitting around was going to get them done.

Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it.

So I got to work and started moving joined a gym after being pushed by one of my brothers and slowly, slowly started feeling better about myself, even though physically, not much improved. What was the biggest shift was instead of internalising and identifying with illness, I started to observe the world around me again. I had been this way before, there was no reason it should end because of pain.

Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.

It didn't matter what, I observed and watched and created little theories once I had gathered enough information that I felt confident enough to make an uneducated guess at it. Pretty soon, despite the discomfort, embarrassment and limitation of illness, I started to enjoy myself, I began to feel like life was worth it and the desire to not want to wake up in the morning was a distant memory.

It is funny how we can feel so trapped and oppressed by our circumstances that we do not take an objective look at ourselves and really take stock of us, the situation and our immediate opportunities. The cage we place on ourselves are of our own making no matter how much we feel it is not and no matter how difficult things can be, there is always room for curiosity. Can I make it just a little bit further than I have today? We shall see tomorrow.

In my mind I am free

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]

Quotes by Stephen Hawking