A fear of commitment

I have commitment issues. These are even more pronounced when someone tries to force me to commit and any relationship that attempts to do this, is going to be rocky. When it comes to a romantic partner, commitment is not an issue however.

I cannot commit to a school of thought though, any particular methodology or even pattern of behaviour. The reason is that along the way of life, I am yet to find one I can completely agree with. I do find many though that I largely disagree with but very few that are totally trashable in my opinion. There is always something of value within but, not everything within is ever always of value.

No way, way.

If there is a way I run my life by, it is probably very difficult to pin down completely as there is no real method, just thoughts. Some come, some go and some are time sensitive. A method that is useful for me today may not serve well tomorrow so why would I continue along its path?

This doesn't stop people of course from trying to box me into a system. Many read what I write or listen to what I speak and based upon that particular narrow view in the moment, they judge me as something. I am not something, if anything, I am nothing, or at the very least, mostly shapeless.

This shapelessness is not permanent however as I will form, dissolve and reform many times from moment to moment. Some of these shifts will be minor some may be major and it is possible that what I appeared as twenty years ago, I only mildly resemble now and tomorrow, that me is completely history.

There may be however wider and narrower paths that I walk but there is no way I can actually know which I will adhere to in any particular moment until the moment presents itself and my actions are made. In retrospect I may be able to fit a general path to some particular branch of philosophy or direction but going forward, I cannot.

I do this, but then that

I do not think that I am alone in this behaviour yet many commit themselves to a 'way' yet, do not adhere or often, do not even know what that way technically is that they committed to. If they were to stand back and observe their day to day actions, their chosen path is a fantasy of the mind as the actions do not meet often enough to claim it in reality.

I often find that observing the larger, more visible traditions of ideologies are much stronger than the day to day actions of them. One may go to a holy place to pray, yet on the street they do not act in accordance with the doctrine. Can they claim being a practitioner if in practice they do not practice?

Exclusively inclusive

This is why it makes it hard for me to commit. There are times where a pragmatic view serves my needs well, there are also times where a fantasy does the job. Is this wrong? The set of rules we use are continually under pressure from a changing environment and this is likely to always be the case.

I have been in a range of situations in my life that I have looked at objectively and not immediately seen a way out. At the time though, I told myself, 'It'll be alright'. Where does this statement lay on the scale of a methodology? Optimist, idealist, pragmatist?

How could I possibly know that whatever it was would be alright since I did not see a way out. This makes it a fantasy of the future. But, in a practical sense, without immediately seeing a way out, what does it help me to resign myself to an out of control fate?

So the statement suspends the realistic view but is actually a practical approach. Practical for me. An illusion to give me enough hope to keep moving and consider the next move in practice. This may be a methodological mess perhaps but, it has worked effectively enough in the past that here I am, still able to look back at it and analyse a little of the mess.

Write, right?

Something that @rezantroy mentioned to me on the phone the other day was based on a comment he saw on one of my posts. He said, 'Some people think you are the article and the article is you'. I found this interesting.

People like to be able to pinpoint and box in others with their judgments and at times, they may be right depending on immediate context. But, if you observe over extended time, the likely reality is that there are a hundred different personalities and approaches that one person uses to navigate their world. Even if they claim only one.

It is like listening to me speak to my one year old daughter and then saying, 'That guy has a really low vocabulary'. This would be a true statement based on the circumstances but, it would also be an untrue statement if the same situation is observed five years, ten years, or twenty years later.

Seen my box?

With my limited background in philosophy and psychology other than my personal experiences with each, it is likely that there is a box for me. My plan is though that it is going to be a very, very big box that contains many tools and many personal options to face a changing and challenging world. Tying myself to one particular tool limits my range and may leave me without a tool for the job in some circumstances.

When people say, he is, she is, they are, I am, what they are saying is their belief in that moment of a situation they may not have invested very heavily into understanding. A judgement. We all do it of course as it is part of the human way to navigate our world but, it is not always accurate when compared to a timeline or a more objective view.

Black label

This constant labeling of people is actually quite a harmful act as if one starts to believe the label (as they so often do) they start to dig a trench to sit within and the label they have accepted as 'them' may not be a suitable approach for all situations within a lifetime. This is their responsibility to sort out of course but, continually trying to box everyone in isn't helping matters as the repetition can affect even the most individual of minds.

What I assume is that because a person has placed themselves in a box, they need to know what box others are in for comparison purposes. If the box isn't immediately apparent, they will construct one in their imagination based on a limited amount of information, but may never know if they are correct. They will of course assume they are right though as after all, it is their own imagined construct.

I have lots to write around this topic and a few different views of it that I will get to in time. What I wonder though is if we put others in boxes that limit them, do we do the same to ourselves?

Taraz
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