How I Went From Atheist to Putting Everything on the Line for God

Hi all,

I would like to share my story of my philosophical evolution. I am from Delaware, where I spent the first 21 years of my life. As a child, I was not exposed heavily to any religious belief systems and strongly believed there was no God. My god was science. I found the study of nature to be especially fascinating and gravitated towards math, chemistry, and especially physics as the foundations of how I viewed reality, and still do.

I went to public school and excelled in these areas of study, which led me to become a chemical engineer, though I knew relatively nothing of what that entailed when I made that decision. Throughout high school and college, when I expressed my beliefs most strongly, I was adamantly atheist. I felt that the universe was so vast that the sheer probability of conscious life, humans, evolving from happenstance was adequate explanation. There did not need to be a God.

After graduating, I became a patent examiner at the USPTO based out of Alexandria, VA for the next seven years. I shared my views with coworkers frequently, idly talking about various things. It was during one of these conversations that a coworker and friend, Tyler, asked me, "How do you know?"

I had to admit it to myself: I didn't. But I was only willing to admit it so far; for years after I would then call myself, "Agnostic, but I don't believe." This, to me, showed that I admitted that I did not know. However, it still ultimately maintained the belief that there was no God; I was unwilling to go further.

Over the years, I started to move around, telecommuting. I moved to Las Vegas and later to San Diego. Throughout all this time, I did not believe that the Big Bang model was an accurate description of what was happening. I studied the current beliefs because they fascinated me and especially the basis of those beliefs. It seemed to me, based on patterns in the universe, that the Milky Way galaxy should orbit another larger mass, just as the sun does and as the Earth does and as the Moon does, and so on.

I knew that the Big Bang model came to be as a result of a specific observation: all distant redshifted galaxies. This observation was interpreted to be the result of motion, but gravity can also cause redshift. I felt that because the Big Bang did not include a structure where the Milky Way orbited a larger mass that it was critically flawed. As I researched the known problems associated with the Big Bang, I became more certain that something was missing and the model was not even remotely describing reality due to its extravagant claims of "expansion of space" and "dark energy".

I felt that gravitational redshift should produce all distant redshifted galaxies due to this structure of the Milky Way orbiting a larger mass. However, if the Milky Way orbited a larger mass, then it would produce a dichotomy of half of the galaxies having their light redshifted as it travels to Earth and away from the object and its gravity stretched the light into a redshift--those galaxies in its direction--and the other half would be blueshifted by gravity as the light from those galaxies traveled to Earth and towards that object and its gravity compressed the light into a blueshift.

This dichotomy plagued me, but I could not shake that it seemed logical for our Milky Way to orbit something else more massive. For as long as I can remember I thought about it regularly, coming back to it repeatedly, certain that it made sense. But the observation did not. Everything I could come up with was inadequate in explaining the correlation of redshift per distance that we see, known as Hubble's Law.

I just so happen to listen to the same musicians repetitively. When I find new music I like, it can be what I choose to listen to everyday for months on end. In the spring of 2014, the band of choice just so happened to be A Great Big World. I loved their interest in space, their voices, their messages, and their piano. I have played piano since childhood and so I bought the book for their sheet music of the album, Is There Anybody Out There? and so every day for months I was listening to the album and learning their songs on piano, unwittingly ingraining their songs into my head.

As I was working from home and making my own hours, I would spend a lot of my time watching documentary after documentary on whatever topic I found of interest. I didn't really want to be a patent examiner forever, from the beginning it had really just been a way to use my degree without having to be in a complex chemical engineering position, but I also didn't know what I wanted to do so I continued while seeking a way out through allowing myself to follow my interests. I also watched videos of class after class for free online courses from coursera.org and edx.org. As I learned more of the extent to which we believed necessary in order for humans to evolve on Earth, I became more and more open to the possibility that there was a God. The beauty of everything was so vast, I could not help but marvel at the intricacy of it all and become more open due to the overwhelming complexity of it all.

It was at this moment in time, when I centered myself and was open to both possibilities of God and no God, but attached to neither, truly agnostic, that my life would be changed forever in an instant.

At the end of a quarter of that fiscal year in 2014, when my deadline for work was fast approaching, the most pressing thing for me to do was to complete what needed completed. We had soft deadlines every other week where numbers were monitored but not "set in stone" and hard deadlines every 3 months where any work after the deadline would go into the next quarter and our numbers for that quarter were finalized. To not make my numbers in any given biweek was not drastically important, but to keep my job I had to do a certain amount of "counts"--review a certain amount of cases--by the end of each quarter. Instead, one night at 1am, over the last weekend of this quarter when I still had much work to do, I was lying in bed thinking about the universe. I was actively trying to think it through: How could an object the Milky Way orbits produce all distant redshifted galaxies?

That was when a lyric from the song Already Home, both my favorite song of theirs to listen to and to play on piano, popped into my head: "I will bend every light in the city and make sure it's shining on you."

I sat up, extremely focused, and rushed to my computer to start writing. I knew that was what I was missing: bending light. Without any more specifics reasoned out, I quit my job and completely focused my attention on trying to explain how this object bending light could somehow produce the observations.

Quickly I was bouncing the idea off of people, getting feedback and direction. No one was as moved as I was; I realized I needed more. If it was right, then, a much more complete model had to be worked out. In the early stages, I had no actual idea how bending light was arriving at the observation, only that it made too much sense to be wrong. It was not until I realized how gravity produces electromagnetism that I understood how bending light could play a significant enough role to produce the observations. The light was not merely bending slightly, but rather was bending so drastically that it was physically traveling in a vast Figure-8 orbital. When I saw that it provided a very reasonable explanation for how gravity could cause electromagnetism, I knew that I knew. Nothing anyone said or did would ever change that because it reduced physics so drastically that it literally had to be right. And I have only grown more certain since.

Over the next few months, I worked on explanations for observation after observation, trying to bring each into consideration for further demonstrating how a very simple model produces all observations.

The model, as it would arise, was extremely simple. The universe is infinite, which means there are infinitely large and infinitely small masses, and the force of gravity alone then manipulates these masses into the universe as we see it. It is that simple. In fact, the masses themselves are even the result of gravity, just like a star, and so it reduced all of physics to being just gravity.

It was at this point where I was faced with the question: is this scientific proof of God? Gravity, it could be said, literally creates the universe.

I could not escape the reality of the situation: a song had told me. What I am describing is the most sought after understanding in all of science. It is the goal of physics. It is commonly referred to as The Theory of Everything, which is also called The Holy Grail of Physics. These are just terms that people across centuries have associated with the idea of it because it is so sought after that it is common knowledge that such an explanation of how the universe functions may exist. And a song had told me. It was like the story of an apple falling on Isaac Newton's head that led to the law of gravity, which may or may not have happened, but in this instance it certainly had happened.

When my physics theory was reasoned out, I looked at gravity as the cause of all things. But we don't know what gravity is. Only that it is. This led me to two options: either gravity is the end of the line, and it was a huge coincidence, or there is a God that is actually Conscious as the cause of gravity. I was still too skeptical to immediately accept God, but for the first time in my life I truly considered.

My theory, over time, came to evolve into what I called The Universal Principle of Natural Philosophy. Sir Isaac Newton's most famous writing is called The Mathematical Principles of Natural Philsophy, where he describes the law of gravity and the laws of motion. As my theory used only classical mechanics, but was applied more universally to encompass the infinite universe and critical observations such as electromagnetism, I named my theory after his. The only difference was that mine recognized that masses are able to be both infinitely large and infinitely small, and the small can physically pass through the large. It was both an ode to him and a demonstration of the importance of the specific area of natural philosophy, which I had realized afterwards was ultimately what I was doing.

It just so happened that at this time the new Cosmos series was airing. The episodes that talked about Isaac Newton went into some detail about his life, and I found it especially fascinating that he actually spent most of his time researching prophecies and esoteric knowledge. This is when my research was redirected from physics into prophecy and all beliefs I could get access to. Even when I had first realized the universe to reduce to gravity, I had no interest in reading the Bible. However, when I began to delve deeply into Isaac Newton's life and realized the degree of focus that he himself had put into it, I dove in headfirst with a completely open perspective, seeking understanding. He was in some ways my idol, after all.

Of particular interest was Hermeticism. Newton's interest in Hermeticism directly led to my interest in Hermeticism. From this, I came to know of The Kybalion. It so accurately described the physical universe and a very reasonable idea of God, The All, The Mind, that I was very willing to be open to the idea that, if there is a God, that God is Everything.

From prophecies came world events, conspiracy theories, religions, beliefs, everything I could dig up. I meticulously read the Bible, not just one copy but as many translations as possible. Importantly, I went into it with a very specific hinge: God is Everything. Every time I read something that seemed like the interpretation of the translator was skewed towards their beliefs, I would look carefully through other translations for more open language that more clearly matched my scientific hypothesis of God as the cause of gravity.

From this process, I saw various versions of the Bible would regularly translate an idea with a warped perspective of God leading to their own conclusions of what was being said. Many other translations would not be so specific in their interpretation because they were more literally translating what was said, whereas the copies that were more specific would always show their bias towards a particular interpretation. Especially prevalent was translation of a verse to be more immediately read as relating to Jesus. A capital letter here, a rewording of a verse there. They all showed that certain translations, like the King James Version, would direct the reader towards a certain interpretation.

The New Testament is particularly interesting. When I read through it, I had done so much research that I had a solid grasp on what God's limitations were: none. And so I was open to the possibility that Jesus actually lived and did the things it was said he did. The critical misinterpretation, though, would be in what it means. Maintaining my hinge that God is Everything, I read it with a hypothesis that if Jesus were able to do the things he did, then he knows the same Infinite God that I had come to know. He had fully realized himself to be God. The unspoken element, though, was that so is the rest of the universe.

Notably, he speaks in parables. These parables are all able to be interpreted that he is God and the route to savior is through him. They are also able to be interpreted that God is Everything and the route to savior is through that God. The mere fact that this is the case demonstrates that he is very specifically speaking in a way that allows the free will interpretation of the individual to determine what he means. He could just teach people directly but instead he does it in a round-about way. Distinctly, the words of Jesus are proof of his existence because they are so deeply demonstrable of his knowledge and awareness of God and his understanding of the importance of knowing we have free will, since we are God. The problem comes in interpreting that he, and only he, is God. This is the epitome of idolatry and he knows it.

The more I researched, the more conclusive it was to me: God is real. As I went out into the world, to my friends, family, strangers, anyone who would listen--I was so focused on the idea that I had to share my knowledge now that I kept pushing and pushing and pushing people away.

When I quit my job, I had been saving for years for retirement and to buy a house, so I was in a good position financially to not be too worried about anything. Especially because I felt that my arguments were so strong that people would listen almost immediately. I rushed off to Israel for three months--repeatedly extending my stay, originally for two weeks--in search of someone to hear me out. Surely, I thought, Israel was the place to be heard and now was the time.

I learned a lot in Israel. While there, I tried to share my perspective on Islam with students at Aish HaTorah, a free Jewish education center in Jerusalem, as I also studied the Quran closely. The more I listened to people's beliefs, the more I saw the lines being drawn. God is Everything. There were classes where the focus was on why other religions were wrong, and I realized that this was a result of human nature. When we limit God, we look for reasons to exclude outside ideas. This is done to reaffirm our present belief systems as true, and how this is manifests is through seeking reasons why outside sources of knowledge should not even be considered.

There was an extreme focus, for example, on the sons of Abraham and who he was told to sacrifice. The Torah speaks of him being told to sacrifice Isaac, while the Quran speaks of him being told to sacrifice Ishmael. Therefore, it is said, since the Torah is older it is the true source. Thus, the Quran is not a credible source. However, this is an example of how we can jump to conclusions and thereby totally disregard the remainder of what a source has to say. Simply because one says Isaac and the other says Ishmael does not mean that they cannot both be true. The Torah is not an exhaustive story of every detail, but rather only various details are mentioned and the vast majority is left unsaid. Much of the wisdom in the texts come not just from what is said, but also from what is left unsaid. It stands to reason that both could be true. They do not have to be, but the act of disregarding them entirely as a result of such arguments like this is commonplace. This is how we stay divided.

I argued that perhaps it was intentionally that way, each telling a separate, true and sufficiently related story so as to make the reader have to overcome a test to determine if they would jump to conclusions or not. If they did, they would stay divided. If they thought it through, they would see that they can coexist.

Additionally and importantly, both texts are looked to as basis for decisions of what is right or wrong. When one is the main source, we feed ourselves a skewed perspective on reality, alike to focusing on one pixel of a picture and claiming the image of a sunset is "the color red." Then, when other pixels are seen to not be red, they are said to not be part of the image. Clearly no one would do this for a picture visible to the eye, but we do this all the time for the infinite picture of reality.

When I finally came home, all my energy went into making my first YouTube video, explaining my theory, Theory of Everything: The Universal Principle of Natural Philosophy. For months I worked on it. It is by no means perfect, but the information in it is extremely thorough and I am proud to have made it so readily available, given that it is from someone who had no idea he would ever be doing such things and I just did the best I could. All along, my goal has been to teach to the layman because I felt it was simple enough to be conceptually understood. My research paper, for example, is littered with hyperlinks to every new concept I mention to help those of many backgrounds.

Ever since, I have committed myself to learning from experiences, seeking further understanding with intent, and thinking through everything that happens as if it is God's Will. And I see hidden messages in everything. Because everything is God's Will. Everything happens for a reason and just because it is not immediately understood does not mean we won't understand. I have done many things I would never have dreamt of in a search for deeper understanding. With every circumstance that has presented itself, I have thought it through from various angles to try to seek the messages within and been able to grow substantially as a result. I am no longer who I was three years ago. The way that I look at the world is so drastically different that I am a new person.

I have so severely rearranged my priorities that I no longer have any form of income and have burned through all my savings. I have let my health falter and am in dire need of focusing on myself again. I need help. I have put my entire life on the line, my financial health, my personal health, and my mental health in an effort to share and expand what I know to assist this world.

In terms of things going on in the world, nothing is more important than this. I may seem biased, but I just know it for what it is. I am at the end of my rope and don't know what to do. I have taken a leap of faith that everything would work out and the days pass without me getting the attention I need to have this be my life path. If everything is true, then things will work out. I took out my retirement, a long process, and received the money when I had under $100 remaining. I sold my car only to realize that if I hadn't I would have ran out of money the day after. Perhaps when I fully run out of the remainder of what I have left, something will arise. It sure seems like it. But I don't want to assume that my struggle will be over anytime soon.

I need help having my story heard and my research known. The science comes first, and this is my focus, as it is what makes the rest of what I have to say have weight. I have taught physics on street corners and had many people amazed at how much sense it makes to them, but I need a larger audience. I present an extremely valid and reasonable argument based in logic and pattern recognition, and I know that the scientific community will have to take it seriously when it is a commonly known concept. And when they do, any attempts to fundamentally disprove it will fail because it is just how things are; they will only reinforce it and when they do, the world will know God.

With love and appreciation,
Steve Scully

To learn more, please visit CascadingUniverse.Org.