Human Potential Hacks: We Can't Do a Don't! The Powerful Difference Between "Doing" and "Don't-ing".
Thought in a Shot
This principle has deeply affected me as I've been actively applying it more in my life. It seems simple (and in theory it is) but in practice, it has had powerful results. This philosophy was shared with me and now I'm wishing to share this with you all!
I've heard this advice expressed in many ways, in many teachings.
Like a favored saying:
"You can't do a don't." -Marshall Rosenberg
It is very hard to not do something! Like "Don't smoke cigarettes," "don't eat 'bad' food" , "don't be greedy", etc. Or, Don't think of a red elephant. (Did you think of a red elephant?)
When we think about what we don't want we invite that into our reality by thinking about it.
When we think about what we do want we engage an opportunity to take action and create it!
A Bit Deeper...
Let's say we want to live in a more beautiful world.
But all we think about is class struggle, violence, climate change, politics, deep-state, powers-that-be, etc... All these things we didn't want! Then chances are we would get consumed in everything we don't want.
When I had this mindset I found myself spending countless hours (I was at a job that provided me untethered uninterrupted Internet access for 8-10+ hours most days), investing most of my life into researching and fully understanding everything I didn't want. It consumed me, all I could talk about with others were problems, all I could think about was negative, I became depressed and apathetic. I saw the world through a lens of 'dont's', and problems! This helped me to understand the world more fully, but it didn't give me a 'do' in which to take action.
This mindset had me accustomed to saying "no" and I got really good at knowing what I didn't want, leaving me with a void (holes left over from all I had rejected). Nature loathes empty spaces and soon my void was filled with more things for me to reject.
People often criticized my actions, observing me as "apathetic" or "unreliable"; And, right they were. Because, all I knew at the time was what I didn't want. I hadn't taken the time (to learn a process: finding the roots of my needs) to understand what it was that I wanted to do... So, all I could do was don't.
Then, through a radical shift, I started to think about what we could do differently. What could I do? This was an exciting idea. Now, instead of researching problems, I get to think about solutions. What do I want?
Now when I talk to others about this I receive more positive responses as I'm suggesting a life of more, instead of a life of less! I began to see my relationships grow as I connected with others who wanted the same! For the first time in my life I was truly passionate about something; engulfed in the ecstasy of creation, I now see the world through the lens of possibilities, a world of wants(a world of do's)!
A Little More...
What sounds better?
"Don't eat so much meat, because it is possibly bad for our health and our planet."
or
"Do eat spirulina, because it is a carbon negative protein source that has all the essential minerals and amino acids for humans to thrive, it has more than 30 recognized health benefits, and it's over 3000x more productive than meat production per gram, thus making us healthier and our planet too!"
Which one is more capable of having an impact:
The first statement that at its best will leave a void and, at its worst will reinforce prejudices, cause confrontation and resentment.
Or, the second statement.
Which, at its best could transform a human life, at its worst, someone may be one step closer to possibly tasting spirulina...
The best part is, once I started thinking in do 'suggestion statements' I have found myself to be more willing to take my own advice. :)
This has the same effect when I share my experiences with others! It encourages more excitement, more fulfillment, more experience, more life! Opposed to preaching less, and recommending sacrifice. (I have damaged a lot of relationships with all my 'well-meant'-sacraficialdon't statements!)
This also applies to the idea of sacrifice, which is a fatal flaw of many of our major "progressive" movements today and why I believe, they don't sit well with so many people. There are many that tend to focus too much on everything we shouldn't do and all the things we "need to give up", and how "bad" everything is. Rather than on addressing how much happier and more fulfilling doing alternatives are!
TL;DR:
Try this out! If you desire to change a behavior in yourself, instead of saying what you don't want. Find out what it is that you do want and go for that!
Just remember:
"You can't do a don't..."
I hope this idea has the power to aide some of you as it has helped me!
Rieki
Word-Smithing New Societies
Whatever we focus our attention on becomes our reallity😁 it's all to true. Thank you.
Yes exactly! Or maybe our attention is our reality :) ?
Thank you!
I agree. Finding out what to do is really the trick. If all one does is learn what not to do then a vacuum will definitely form and "nature abhors a vacuum". Aristotle
Exactly :)
I wrote a bit about discovering our needs. I put it in a 'decision making process' but, really it's more than that! Here was the latest :)
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STOPIt's honestly something that makes so much sense but I still find myself struggling with this every day. It's hard trying to reverse the training I have received since conception. No matter the stage in life someone is telling you know. But the nice thing is it seems like my hearts voice is being heard and I'm hearing a lot more dos
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STOPI've certainly been all about dropping what I don't want in my life and to a small degree taking on things I do want. I never really thought about looking at the do's in quite such a positive way though, so thank you for this.