Force Control.
When I was in school our teacher told us an old fable. As I recall, it went something like this:
One day the north wind was bragging to the sun about its great strength. It boasted that it was much stronger than the sun, so the sun challenged it to a contest. The sun pointed out a man walking along and said, “Let us see who can remove his coat from him.”
The north wind laughed. It was confident that this would be simple. It began to blow and the man's coat started to flap. So it blew a little harder, but the harder the wind blew, the tighter the man wrapped his coat around him. The wind blew and blew until it became exhausted. Then the sun took its turn. It looked out from the clouds and gently shone its warmth onto the man. The man smiled with relief as he warmed up. As it got hotter and the man unbuttoned his coat and removed it.
I'm sure there are different things that can be taken from this story, but the biggest thing I took from it is that force isn't a good way to get what you want from others. In fact, the more you use force to control others, the more they are likely to rebel or escape this control the moment they have the chance. Over the years we have heard of numerous people who have defected from a restrictive, communist regime the moment they had the chance.
This goes in parenting too. We often have values we'd like to instil in our children, but if we force them onto them, then it is more likely that the moment they become of age they will leave home shun those values because they have unhappy connotations for them. Effectively, force will drive your child away from you. Instilling your values by example and, as they get older, discussion, is often much more effective.
Even when they leave home, they may not put into practice those lessons given to them as they try to find their own path, but if those lessons were given with love they will likely come back to them at some point as they realise where they fit into their lives.
We are all different people and what we enjoy in life and what is important to us is going to be different, even in those people we brought into the world. Without mutual respect and give and take, we will drive others away from us, even if that is the last thing we want.
Posted using Partiko Android
They're too busy following the example we set, to listen to us.
Monkey see, monkey do!
very well (and succinctly) said!
This story was recommended by Steeve to its users and upvoted by one or more of them.
Check @steeveapp to learn more about Steeve, an AI-powered Steem interface.
Thank you.
Lucky children you have MSH and RTB, that their parents should realise this vital connection between 'Control' and 'Resistance', and the underlying presence and role of Fear in this. 🔆
I have seen this play out ever so heartbreakingly in my own life - taken me years to accept. I realise that not only was there a lack of respect for the other (mutual), but I severely lacked self-respect. Not having had a deep experience of respect for myself, I didn't really understand what Respect was. I was therefore unable to accord to another what I couldn't give myself, and the last thing I wanted came about, as surely as if my fears (control/resistance) had manifested it (which of course they kinda had).
Sadly I think that most people struggle with respect. It gets harder when they have different core beliefs from you.
It's interesting how it can play out in completely different ways. One family the children have no respect accorded to them and are pretty much ignored and allowed to do whatever, but are not supported or guided in any way. Then another they are loved, but find the parent's beliefs go against their own nature and the parent struggles to let go of control as they get older.
Perhaps the hardest thing of all is recognising our own failings and choosing to do something about them.
Posted using Partiko Android
Shifting one's perception isn't straightforward. The perception of 'failings', for example, may transmit the notion of 'imperfection' and therefore inadequacy, and be self-fulfilling. I think there are no 'failings' - just the way people are. We always have Choice. I also think that many aspects of Control and Fear get neatly packaged under the label 'Love' but are something else....controls, fears etc.
Yes, perception is key, isn't it? A failing to one is not for another and once it's decided to be a failing then it's often accepted as inevitable. Again, I'm coming back to my eldest daughter when she complains about what she dislikes in her character, I'll say that if she really dislikes that in herself so much, she can choose to change it, or come to terms with it and accept it.
Posted using Partiko Android
perhaps these options have the same requirement - to 'understand' what it is and where it comes from. This can be tricky and triggering, and requires Trust & Honesty IMO. It's difficult to change, come to terms with, or accept something that is little/vaguely known...this can turn into 'changing' (etc) something else, and not 'IT' (or only at superficial levels). Besides, I also think that when something is 'understood', then the flow of Insight finds its own path and the natural re-adjustment which takes place is itself the 'Changing'/'Coming to terms with'/'Accepting' - simultaneously and without more effort than that required to confront the issue Fearlessly, and from 360o in the first place.
Congratulations @minismallholding! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click here to view your Board of Honor
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!
I remember this old fable! Great perspective @minismallholding
It came to mind as a family we're very fond of has been experiencing problems with mum not being ready to let go. Ironically, in her quest to keep her family with her she is driving them away and it's heartbreaking.