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RE: Lies for a better child
Implanting entirely fake memories into impressionable minds is betrayal, in my opinion, however good the intentions. What if a child later discovers that the narrative about what happened in the life of the child repeated by the parent cannot be true? Trust will be gone. Valuing truth is one important bullwark against turning life into a free-for-all with no regard for anything external. Perception of goodness is notoriously subjective. If we don't value truthfulness, we will silence that little voice in the back of our minds telling us not to lie to ourselves. Dangerous waters.
There is a generation of German children who had to at some point face their parents and ask, "how could you not have known?"
What about political or religious truths that people train their children in various ways to believe, are they truths or opinion?
It is interesting to consider what we teach our children without actually considering what we teach our children.
In my opinion, it's something very different to lie about a child's personal life history than let them absorb the political or religious ideas that we hold. They are about the world and not central to the relationship between the child and the parent. Children will question their parents' political or religious ideas as part of their normal development in adolescence. But it's not a good idea to implant fake memories or life histories into their minds. Normal people don't do that.
This depends heavily on how it is taught and what the consequences are doesn't it? Not everyone lives in Finland.
Is there a level where it is okay or not? a child walking in on their parents in the bedroom? How does that generally get explained? Is it a lie that changes their memory of that event?
Finland is hardly unique in this regard. At least a billion people can be considered part of Western Civilization.
Of course, there are levels to everything. What you do in that case is explain it in some age appropriate way. The kid will connect the dots later. What I've been saying is that you shouldn't construct life histories for the child with no regard for what actually happened.
Even the smallest change or reframing of the narrative is construction and can have profound effects on action and be completely untraceable to that point later in life. Is radical honesty the answer and then, does it start from birth?
Notice the part "...with no regard for what actually happened". I've been talking about entirely fake narratives as in making up stuff that never happened. While there is always room for interpretation that space is not limitless.
None of it is entirely fake though, same as the false cases of abuse. they start from truths and then lead away, one small step at a time. With inattention from parents, perhaps more are making small steps away each day as they themselves try to get more time to satisfy their wants.
There are incentives at play aren't there?
Yes, it's all a little blurred on the edges. But as a general principle, staying truthful is important. Truth, beauty and justice are values that no civilization can afford to be too cynical or careless about.