"But life is closer to what it is actually inside me"
I've wondered the same thing but didn't have words. Thank you. This is the perfect explanation. Has descovering/questioning this made you function differently? What year are you in school?

I live in the US and have watched what elementary (primary) and middle school has been teachingbmy friend's kids. It's so hard to stand by and see these amazing kids be hardened, indoctrinated. They are unique and sensitive, open and loving and now they are struggling to fit in at school with peers but mostly staff. The youngest, in 5th grade, is starting to act out and 'play the game' and somehow is now seen as doing really well. The oldest is being crushed in 1st year middle school- 6th grade.. it's being called ADHD and brushed off. He struggles with focus a lot but so much less when he can be himself and is actually engaged!