It is easy to lose when we are so fixated on winning...
When it comes to human interaction and dealing with each other, I have had the conclusion for awhile that if we are too fixated on winning a debate, argument, discussion and "being right" we can in fact LOSE. We may not know we lost, but due to already being certain we know a thing we LOSE the opportunity to LEARN.
I've mentioned in my time on steemit that the most valuable debates, discussions, arguments (good kind) you can have are when they are civil and they are with people that disagree with you. This is only true if you are open to being wrong.
It is also important to know that being wrong doesn't have to be complete. You can be wrong about some things and still right about others. In fact, truly the ultimate and perfect discussion debate would be an encounter where each participant was right about some things and wrong about others. Why do I say that? In such a case if the participants are open to being wrong and questioning their beliefs then they ALL LEARN. That to me is the closest to WINNING we will ever get.
If you actually are right and you don't learn anything new, and the person you are talking to is open and learns from you then that is not a bad outcome. That is more of a neutral outcome. One person learned, the other did not.
The losing propositions are when none of the participants learn anything. This is what will happen when the participants all are already certain they have the answers so they don't really listen or consider what other people are saying. That is a loss. That is a waste of time for all parties. It was an opportunity lost. This occurs far more often than it should.
Another danger is to start looking at a discussion and assuming someone is not open. Your job is not to focus on whether your opponent (other participants) are open or not. You can't read their mind. Instead you need to monitor yourself and say "Am I open to the possibility there is something here?" It can also include questions such as "I may not agree with that completely, but are there some parts that do seem to mean something?" If you truly want to WIN then you should be asking "How can I turn this conversation into a learning experience for myself?" In reality, you can only know what you think, and therefore that is what you can actually control and monitor. Focusing on telling the other person what they think and making assumptions about things can spiral into hostile unproductive moments. Most people don't like other people assuming how they think, or worse telling them what they are thinking.
There are a few things that can come up in discussions as well.
Appealing to Emotions. "X shows they don't care about other humans" as a justification for something. This is appealing to emotion and opinion rather than actual evidence. Such things are common. Yet they prove nothing and they take away from a discussion in an attempt to virtue signal and/or express how you are right and the people that don't care are wrong. It also assumes you can read their minds, know their motivations, and know everything about what they do and why. This is unrealistic.
Deflection. People can deflect away from a topic and aim it somewhere else. This does happen. Yet we should not immediately assume someone is deflecting. Perhaps it is relating to the topic and we simply need to give them a chance to show the relation. Remember we should focus on how we can learn, rather than being so fixated on whether we are right or not. If we are defensive and not open to seeing the relation, and if we are looking for things to poke at then we can be shutting the door on learning opportunities.
There are many other factors that come into play, but I believe I've said enough for now. This is something I occasionally feel like writing about. I hope it is of some value and offers some things to consider to all of you. I look forward to learning more from all of you.
This can vary. I do find that being open to infinite potential and probable scenarios is quite an elevating means of conversing with someone, while also being an actually evolving state of mind and beyond.
However, you can actually determine what someone else is thinking - at least on a cerebral level - not only with telepathy, aura reading and other methods similar methods, but also with analysis of their character and such. Varying by how thoughtful and skilled one is in such things, as well as who you're dealing with and their own current level of thoughtfulness, one can discern quite a few things about the other.
So, I would say that it's convenient to try and discern what, how and why the others are thinking, but in ways that are meant for learning and not imposing on the other. It's also efficient for relatively accurately discerning whether or not someone is being manipulative, emotive, intellectual or/and other character-related facets of their incarnate being, aside from it being a thoughtful thing to do.
Actually you can't. You can use probabilities within your mind to come to LIKELY things they are thinking. Yet it is not certainty and can be wrong. So one should always operate from such assumptions about another person's thoughts with caution. In general it is not a good idea to tell the other person what they are thinking, or imply that you know what they are thinking. You can react to such probabilities about what you think is likely going on in their mind without conveying that you can see or predict their thought. While your probability of doing so may be high for some people, it also can be wrong, and regardless projecting such ideas can be very counter productive to any discussion.
Obviously, yes, it's a matter of probability. That's implied by the idea of infinite potential. It also implies that everything and anything can happen. Whether or not it does happen in particular contexts and situations that's another thing.
Also, why not tell someone what I think they're thinking? If I were to say it in an arrogant or imposing way, then yeah it'd be an ineptitude on my end. Even if I were to say it like that, if others might be offended or/and would react poorly to that, that is their own problem. Besides, regardless of how it's said, it might make them question their current thought processes, so it might help them in the long run. Bursting people's bubble can help them expand their horizons. If they had a bubble, I mean. If one doesn't have a bubble, then they're naturally expanding on their own.
Anyway, if I were to say it like I usually do, in the sense of adding to the conversation in a meaningful way or/and perhaps make another aware of some of the thoughts they might not be conscious about (assuming I'd be accurate), then it's an entirely different approach. I prefer that people speak their mind, regardless of what their thoughts are.
Because unless you have a lot of interaction with a person so that you know them that well you are being rather presumptive, arrogant, and when it isn't even close to what they are thinking it can be rather annoying that the person has the audacity to assume they know what you are thinking. It is naive, it is arrogant, etc.
Why not ask if they are thinking something rather than telling them what they are thinking? That simple change can make all the difference in the world. One way can make you come across as a knowit all asshole, and the other actually ASKS rather than assuming. Also consider TELLING people what you are thinking and then going off and writing or saying a lot of things based upon that is an incredible waste of time if they were not thinking that at all.
Yep I like to bust the bubbles of people who think it is okay to imply they can read minds. ;)
You can do WHAT you are implying as far as bubbles by ASKING rather than assuming. That's a big part of the socratic method. :) Sure it may slow you down while you wait for an answer, but personally I think that is better than totally misrepresenting someone elses thoughts and going off on some long discussion based upon that misrepresentation.
I did mention that I'm telling them what I "think/interpret" them to be saying, while obviously being open to other alternatives.
In other words, I'm not saying "Hey, you are thinking this and that's that! Don't try to tell me otherwise!". Indeed, that would be arrogant. What I'm saying is "Hey, from what I've seen of you thus far, it seems likely that this is probably what you're thinking in these particular regards. Are you?" Of course, the question and the answer can be expressed vocally or/and more indirectly, through non-verbal means.
Personally, I don't care about how people see me and I'm always myself when interacting with anyone, as I consider honesty to be one of the more advanced forms of genuine, natural respect towards both one's self and others. While some people have been put off by this (which is their freedom, by the way), I've also met people whom I would call genuine companions. However, that was more of a welcome side effect, but making close acquaintances wasn't ever my interest.
Anyway, why wait for an answer to come straight from their mouths? I mean, yeah, they can be honest about their thoughts, but there are also situations where one might either try to be manipulative or/and maybe not know themselves well enough. Regardless of any interpretations' level of accuracy, it's still a nice way to exercise the analytical parts of the mind (whichever level of mind we might be talking about).
It’s true man. Sometimes wining is not the answer. What’s the point of winning if in the end you lost everyone arounds you.
In the short time our mind might be happy after winning it. But in the long run our hearts knows what we really wanted. So as I suggest we better have clear vision on what’s is more important than just winning.
I LOVE succinct, power packed articles of truth like this! Your second paragraph is GOLDEN. (I find those to be of the utmost value as well) Wish more people internalized those words of wisdom. Just followed ya and resteemed. Sorry I haven't done it sooner. Peace, my friend!
Appreciate it. You already know I follow your work. Here AND on youtube. I don't do the facebook thing, so no there.
wow grate job, thanks
Hey dwinblood, I find this to be extremely true. That's why I think it is important to know who you are talking to and not just start debates that are wastes of time and energy and leave to parties with know new information but angry.
I wrote something new I think is interesting and would love for you to check out. It is something I usually wouldn't argue for but recent experiences have changed my mind on things. Let me know what you think. Thank you.
that's a great philoso phy
Your write up is one of the best i have come by.every single thing you wrote is the truth.we should always give room for learning and make others learn from us too,we learn everyday because we can't know all in justca day.thumbs up for @dwinblood
Interesting!