"What kind of Guroo are you, anyway?"

There was a time when I was hanging out with a bunch of 'new agey' types of all stripes.
For example, in 1998, I hitchhiked to the Hanuman Temple in Taos, NM with my dog Clarence in the back of a pick-up truck for a Maha Shivaratri. From there, we went to various 'ashrams' and 'retreats' where I sat squat-legged listening to some 'guru' along with people who'd paid obscene amounts of money to do the same thing.

Eventually, I started asking the 'gurus' the secrets to their enterprise.

Once they realized that I was asking:

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but enlightenment in this time and space seems to mean having the ability to get 100 people a month to shell out mounds of cash to come sit in silence....how do I do that?"

They all responded with the same basic, yet sanctimonious answer about how I'd learned all I needed to learn with them, and now it was time I needed to see where, "My path went NEXT."

Eventually, I came to learn that was Guru speak for:

"Muscling in on my territory huh? Well, hit the road kid.

Eventually, I realized that there is no guru that could ever teach any spiritual lessons that can be learned by consuming a handful of psilocybin mushrooms or smoking some dimethyltryptamine. And with the insight one gains from such heroic doses comes the ethical infrastructure to not be willing to fleece people who are looking for real answers with meditation workshops, yoga retreats, and Enlightenment™.

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