Very nice and sharp comment with the plus of personal feelings and experience sharing.
Sorry, my friend but only today I got the time and mind to give an answer that needed to be meaningful.
When we don´t solve our own problems we will always find them reflected in the other and vice-versa.
Antagonism is the main problem between conflicting roles, and we feel trapped, suffocated and alienated from our own will, by our own unknown and forgotten traumas, and most of the times people use the "blame" of the other for ourselves being what we are.
Blame and guilt are part of the Jewish-Christian values and culture hidden in a game of mirrors, where each one sees his problems with a mirror that reverses the image to the other, and strangles the energy flow between two human beings
Surely people who travel back in the space of infant dreams and memories, learn to find the unbalances of sexual object identifications normally expressed in the hole of antagonist behavior between of our parents' roles as male or female. (gender doesn't matter here)
There are no Twin souls, but complementary ones, so we must not look for people with our values, but for the ones that complete ours by the opposition, like a law of the systems.
Passivity always meets dominance, masochism finds sadism, active meet passive, etc because we are chaotic attractors always calling for something that fits in our holes of character.
Meaning the more I know about myself by finding my hidden traumas the easier is to find someone that is not oppositely psychologically crippled but ontologically balanced at the same level but without psychopathological traits that augment the normal anxiety of life and in the interpersonal relationship.
Our mother can be very a male-oriented character and our father a very passive or absent, but in the end, in early infancy, we normally identify with one of them us our hero, but later we must "kill it" by finding out what was pathological in his or her behavior, that extended to ours.
And we must not forget that in early relationships, we tend to find someone similar to our "hero" of infancy, but after that day if there were pathological traits it is like we start to hate the person we love, and we don't understand why.
And one more time my friend, thanks to you and a few for the feeling that our writings are not just words in a tomb on cyberspace, that nobody reads.