A Friend's Suicide Note (uwu)
Today, I've went through a really emotional day and it was caused by someone who I don't know in real life...
Background
Prior to finding steemit, I've been part of many online forums in which I've interacted with and promoted steem on to get more users onto this amazing platform.
Today I was browsing the forum as I usually would, to find to my discontent a suicide note. Unfortunately, I've had to deal with a few of these on said forum I browse but most of the time the community is able to mitigate the problem which always puts a smile on my face. A sense of euphoria rushes through me as I realise, 'I've potentially saved a life'.
The reason I feel the urge to share this with you is that the user that has had these suicidal tendencies has decided to log out of his account and leave the forums and it seems like no one can contact him at all.
The only thing I am hoping for is that he saw my thread promoting steemit and has joined the community and will see this and realise how time will heal his wounds and cutting his life short would not let him discover the beauty of the world that is around the corner.
The Note
Yea, I've taken about all I can take. Over the course of 1 month, my life has changed completely(for the like 10th time or something, idk) and it's not for the better. I get so much shit daily, and my brain is so fucked up.
I can't think normally; I can't eat normally, I can't have a normal or even joyful life. Everything is just bullshit after bullshit, I can't catch any fucking breaks, and I have n o t h i n g to live for whatsoever.
The only reason I've put this off for so long is that I knew my mum would blame herself if it came to this, and I love her too much to put her through this.
But things change.
So, as of today, I will do everything in my power to self-destruct(not many synonyms for suicide, doing my best.)
Sadly I can't buy a firearm, which is the only way I want to go out. However, I will do everything it takes to get myself enough money or get myself in a situation that I have a gun on hand to do the deed with.
It's been a long time coming, and no, you can't talk me out of it, so don't try.
This will be my only 'suicide note.' I don't want one for any of my family to see. If they knew what I was going through it'd just make it worse.
However, I wish I could've given my 'friends' one so they'd know what they did to me.
Final thoughts: Fuck/love you maddi. My mind cant form normal thoughts anymore. I'm fairly certain I'm mentally ill, but I have no fucking clue which one, if any.(I'm probably just being a whiny bitch like usual)
And no, I don't think I have depression. I've tried everything I can to try to make my life better. When that didnt work, I thoroughly(very thoroughly) researched like 50 mental illnesses to see if I could find treatment, but none of them fit me really well(best bet was schizoaffective disorder but idk)
My Response to this
This sounds pretty similar to my life when I was younger and it's the fucking worst. You get up every day and get no fucking affection from anyone. Your parents constantly argue and I thought to myself sometimes 'if I fucking kill myself, will that make them stop?'
I've been cheated on so many times and you don't understand how much it hurts. All that time and effort you put in to love and care for someone is all wasted.
I thought before, what's the point putting so much effort into this thing called life when I get nothing good out of it. All I get is pain and suffering.
The only thing that has kept me alive living was music and friends.
Also, I knew if I did carry it out my parents and family would go through utter hell and I don't want that for them just for my own contentment.
I'm not afraid of death, I'm just scared about those who have to live in grief for the rest of their life until their death bed.
I kept pushing through and finally as I let time do it's magic life started getting better.
It was no longer as bleak and obsolete as it was before.
Open Yourself Up To Someone
I know you tried to do it on the forums and all you got was satirical and mocking responses from moronic prepubescent kids but don't let that bog you down.
Start talking to your family about it or call 1 800 273 8255
There is nothing better than spilling your guts and letting all that emotion you had building and brewing inside yourself and having sometimes loving, attentive voice on the other side.
You have so much to live for... Please don't do it.
Keep pushing and striving for a better tomorrow and it will all get better. I promise you.
I doubt he will see this or it will get any exposure but fate may bring us together.
I know I made a post about how hoping is useless but that is all I can do in this situation
I have experienced a loved one wanting death over continued suffering. They sought mercy and relief. How could I blame them? Suicide is a personal choice, and those who make it should not be condemned. It's their physical life to end.
Ultimately though, to me at least, it is a selfish act. To the person suffering though, they never see it that way and could not possibly see it that way. We seek our most basic needs first, and ending our own suffering is a very powerful motivator.
Again, I don't blame them. The people who do it though leave behind victims. They have emotionally wounded the ones who loved them. I have never been in a situation where I would seek that type of ultimate release either.
Suicide is not an option for a warrior. I would rather die in battle than take my own life. To each their own though. Not all people would choose that path.
I totally agree that some people have some powerful motives to commit suicide and to carry out the act some may see them as truly powerful and robust characters.
I, as you said, would rather die in vain in this battle that we call life than put up the white flag and be a surrender to death.
Good awareness. These things go on more frequently than people realise.
You've done such a good thing!
It is agonizing that this is happening every day.
People persist in going on with their daily life but behind closed doors, people feel so much pain, agony and anguish.
Some people think it is obscene that someone would decide to take their life. You may think it is so valuable and precious but to them, it feels as if no one cares as they live in solitude.
Spend more time with friends and family.
Socialising Saves Lives.