[aNomad´s thoughts] Is Nostalgia denial of the painful present?
Are we hard wired to crave the past times?
One of my favorites movies is Midnight in Paris, a true Gem written and directed by Woody Allen. The whole synopsis of this piece goes around the idea of craving to live in the past, in a different period of time. The main character played by Owen Wilson, truly believes he is from another era and he was just unlucky to have been born in a time where he doesn´t belong.
Have you ever felt that way?
You know, when watching an old movie; perhaps while reading a book; sometimes when you listen to classic music? I bet you have felt this way at one point of your life. That sensation we get of not belonging to this time, that maybe if we were born 20 years earlier our lives would be completely different and we might have achieved our goals or perhaps met that girl of our dreams... or at least life would be different than what it is today.
But, how can we feel nostalgia for something we haven´t lived or experienced?
I believe we can feel a craving for those past times even if we didn´t experienced them but I wouldn´t call it nostalgia, nostalgia for me it is that feeling we get when we miss someone, something, a specific place or a situation.
- Do you remember how you felt when you were a kid and you used to spend Christmas with the whole family?
- Can you still picture those saturdays when every week you played football with your pals?
- Is it easy for you to feel again those sensations you got when opening Christmas gifts in December?
- How do you react when those evenings with your first love come to your mind?
You see, that is nostalgia. That feeling of sorrow you get when you compare old feelings against what you are feeling today.
The past is always going to look better, to feel happier. But that´s only because we tend to idealize those situations, the people, the places, the experiences.
But hey, nostalgia is like an old girlfriend. We will always remember the good stuff but, the moment you get back together, you realize why you broke up with her.
To be honest, I was a sucker for nostalgia
I was in constant sorrow. Even when I knew that it is all a mirage, for me the past was always looking better than the present. At least my past versus my present - I don´t know about your past, perhaps it was shitty compared to your present - and it doesn´t matter if my present seemed perfect, it was never going to be enough, I would always feel like I miss something, to feel like I should´ve done things differently or maybe enjoyed life more.
Last year, around this time of the year I read a book called Remember, be Here Now and it changed my life completely.
I started to enjoy the present and, no matter what, stop thinking about the future or the past, just being Here and Now.
I can´t explain you how I got here, i guess you have to read the book. The thing is, I still have felt nostalgic at some point, I can´t help it, maybe I am hardwired to want to go back in time and enjoy those moments, or perhaps to change them, or possibly just to remember how I felt when I was living them. But the important part here isis, even when I´ve felt nostalgic, it doesn´t hurt anymore.
It´s as if I learned to miss without the pain that missing brings to our hearts. I guess this life lesson came at the best moment in my life, because I´ve met so many people, visited so many places, experienced a bunch of sensations and feelings that, if I felt nostalgic for each and every one of them, I would be depressed all the time.
I am not going to lie, I do miss things or people from time to time, but being so focused in living the Here and Now, sometimes there is no time to miss, otherwise, nostalgia would attack you that very moment, where instead of enjoying the moment, you used that time to miss the past.
But, If I have to be completely honest, if I had one superpower, I would probably choose being able to travel in time, not to be able to win the lottery or maybe do something differently... I would just relive my life the same way it went down but this time, I would always remember to enjoy the moment, to maximize the experiences I already lived, to get the most out of every place, person and feeling that came my way, I would focus in being happy, without worrying if I was happy before or if I will be happy in the future.
I take myself to those places some days. My past. I don't want to relive my life. Those good times and bad times from back then were important. If I feel like it though, there are a few things I can do to go back in time.
I don't mind picking up an old Nintendo game I used to play a lot when I was young. That takes me back to that world. I'll also hop on my dirt bike and hit up my old trails and back roads. I used to spend a lot of time in the middle of nowhere on a dirt bike. It's easy to do it all again. I find it helps.
I happen to do something very similar, I was searching for some old playstation games and for years I couldn´t find them. Lucky me found them a few days ago and I´ve been playing as if it was 1998 and I realized it was about nostalgia, I wanted to play them to remember how i felt 20 years ago.
I´ve been wanting to visit my old school in Mexico city and the places I used to hang out in, I think that will help to bring back some good memories...
I have a good childhood days. Days wherein we never worry of anything from within our environment because we felt like everything is good without any essence of bad complexities. We played a lot with friends and other kids in our community.
Why I said this, because I have not seen those days in the current children nowadays. Most of them were kept inside the house because parents are trying to protect them from harm. Protecting our children is not a bad thing, in fact it is required, but to deprive them of the learnings that they can have from interacting with children and people outside the roof is something that is unacceptable.
Just worrying about who is going to be the goalkeeper that day or maybe who would roleplay the hero this time, I can relate to those evenings with friends.
I have a nephew who is not allowed out of the house when it is too cold... I remember I used to go out without a sweatshirt when it was cold as Patagonia and nothing happened to me, if anything I developed some body defenses.
The funny part about my childhood is that the freshest memory I have in my mind is when my mom didn´t buy me a happy meal in Mcdonalds when i was about 9 years old haha.
We dont have awareness of mcdonald or jollibee during my childhood. Its not that it doesnt exist but we were too poor to hear and be acquainted by it. It's like the news couldn't reach our end because simply we could not just afford. Instead of wanting to for those food, we'll just spend our time hunting for some wild guavas and raw mango.
Those days where i miss that someone i can't be with are my most nostalgic moments but as you said:
But the now is the only chance we got, not even the future because we idealize it too and it also looks better than it really will be... i got the believe that life it's just what it is and we might not really be sure of what will totally makes us happy.
Exactly, has it ever happened to you that you put too much expectations of a place you are going or a person you are about to meet, and then when it happens you get disappointed because it wasn´t what you expected? It´s the same here, you are totally right!
Totally, we even imagine how we're going to feel, but any of that really happens haha. (not always)
hey anomad, what a touching post!
first off,
i love that book! seriously changed my life as well ;even inspired a tattoo!!
i do think we can think of things to move away from pain or discomfort in the present moment, but also just to enjoy or savor something again. i also think it helps us hone in on what we want in life..we think about those things again to bring back inspiration, perhaps, to recall and sometimes to know how to live better now!!
some of my moments i miss most are scattered all throughout my life. i definitely remember the feeling of christmas mornings and other times spent with my family. there's a held feeling. sometimes when i've been lonely on travels where i literally am very much alone, i'll go back to moments to comfort myself. perhaps that is a coping mechanism, but it seems to come naturally b/c sometimes even my dreams will carry these memories and i'll wake up with them!!
some people in my life have been very special to me too and for whatever reason, they're no longer in my life. sometimes i wake up from dreams with them or think about them and remember the good times we had. a lot of my savoring comes from that. but, it's also good to live in the present as you say... and savor this moment.
i think this is incredibly beautiful and it gave me chills:
yeah!
I would love to see that tattoo!
I agree, sometimes a little trip down memory lane can be helpful to see where we are and to see where we were.
Traveling alone for sure is one of the moments where you are most receptive to these kind of memories, oddly I enjoy being by myself even though most people can´t stand it.
Thank you for that last part! I struggle sometimes when writing because I love the finish with a strong thought but sometimes its hard to find the words or the way to put an idea in paper, but yes, I love good post endings, Im glad you liked it! :D
What a wonderfully written and well thought out post!
I experience nostalgia almost always -- in the music I listen, perfume I smell, places I go, food I eat, and even movies I watch! Lol. There are just too many memories to remember in the simple things.
I used to be like you as well. Wanting to go back in time, wanting to relive the past, wanting to bring old people back. But life doesnt come with a time machine so I have no choice but to live in the moment and try to enjoy it as much as I can.
Sometimes old memories still put me in tears, and sometimes they make me smile. And that's the best thing about nostalgia -- it will make you remember not just the painful times, but also the happy times. These memories remind us of the lessons we learned a long time ago. And sometimes they also remind us how far we have come.
Thanks for giving me a time to contemplate, sir.
I used to have a good smell, no I don´t, but I can totally relate to that! Smell are also a great door to take a trip to the past!
Oh, I have like 6-7 movies I rewatch when I need to get in certain mood, those movies are my door to a mindset, we so similar in that aspect :D
Oh yes, I dont want to go back, if i had a chance I would, but im way too focused in the present to actually Want to go back hahaha.
I agree, memories allow us to see where we were and where we are now, and to compare a bit and have some introspective about where we want to be (but without worrying too much about the future!).
Thanks for dropping by my post and taking the time to reply!
It's always a pleasure reading your blog, sir! Keep inspiring people. :)
This says it all. There are so much incidents in my past that I wish I could go back to but what I miss the most is the bond and friendship I shared with my boys from my hood growing up.
We would play football, draw on the beach sand that someone had kindly poured on our front yard and forgotten, we would build castles, climb trees, gorge ourselves with fruits, then we would get assistance whipped by our parents for coming in late. 😂
It was our daily routine after school and I cherished those moments. We are all far apart now; some married, some busy with work and some just living far away. It's kind of sad, you know.
Ahh the old days when we used to spend evenings with the gang, of course I had some of those, I can see what you mean. Did you guys also used to fight about who had to be the goalkeeper? In Mexico no one wants to be it, everyone wants to score goals haha.
I used to get the same, no cellphones back then so your mom didnt know where you were, if were late you would get punished or whipped haha.
Yeah, life makes us take different paths, unfortunately we have to cherish those moments because they will never come back...
😂 that's so true; no one wanted to be the goalkeeper. I was lucky though, I have short arms. 😂
Your ma used whip you too 😂 the world is sure the same at times. Most times, the sound of my dad's car entering the street ended my game. "Wisdom is profitable to direct ."
Yeah they will never come back. I don't even chat or call them much, my gang I mean. It's just sad and the same time good too. We are grown men with wives, kids, bills, jobs, 😂 but we will definitely never forget.
This post has brought me some really good memories. Thanks man @anomadsoul
Hola compadre, me identifico mucho contigo por tu forma de expresarte sobre la vida y como actuamos a medida que pasa el tiempo, pienso que las nostargia es la que nos ayuda a seguir adelante, que humildad de tu parte que cuando dices que quisieras tener un viaje en el tiempo, quisieras disfrutar más de los detalle de la vida, eso es lo que llena tu alma. Felicidades
Our nostalgia often paints rose-colored lenses memories of our past. Just take our first love. we remember it fondly and with reverence and we buy in to the trope of first love never dies. We try to revisit it and we are also reminded why they did not work out and often the memory is shattered.
I have lived a life of regret and depression so I take each day that I live past December as one that needs to be lived for others, to let go of my selfishness and be a person who enjoys the life that I share with them now. To live without regrets if I am to die tomorrow.
It's funny, I fantasize a lot about going back to the past, but with the knowledge I have today. If I could go back to one point in time, I would go see my grand parents before they died. I would appreciate them more than I did as a teen, and I would make sure to tell them that I love them very much.
My grandfather was a very wise person, and would always lecture me and my brother about life. He used to say "if you do good to others, they will be good to you". He was not a religious person at all (he was an atheist), but he was a man of principle and morals. If I cold go back in time, I would have a real discussion with him about this. I wouldn't get annoyed with him as I did when I was young. I would take in every word he says and truly listen, with all my heart. I regret not knowing him when I was mature enough to understand him. He left me a letter before he died about some advice he thought I needed to become a decent adult, and that letter made me cry so much. One advice I can give anyone who is reading this: please listen to your elders, as they know so much more about life than we do. I can't turn back time, but I can think back at my grand father's sermons and reflect about the wise words of this kind and compassionate man who left this world way too early.
Pain is also relative , often subjective . So objective comparison isnt valid in my opinion . Nostalgia is pretty much objective and doesnt differ that much to the degree of perception from person to person . Hence , my opinion would be " Nostalgia will always make your present painful (relative )" Otherwise nostalgia doesnt exist.