You started promising. ..but you got lost on your thoughts... and the reason that happened, it's because you haven't lived life yet... Witch makes me think you must be a teenager, struggling with parents issues, identity crisis... and that's OK.
If you are a older person, and you still struggle to find meaning of life ,then... it's too late... let the others around you live... That's the meaning of your existence, make it count, stop polluting, put yourself to rest! You will never find the meaning, even if you get high.
I could go on forever, detailing... but chances are it will be meaningless, Soo I better go back to leaving... :)