What does it tell us when we lie?

BACK TO YOU IN A DETECTOR OF THE BABY

I always have mixed feelings about the subject of lie and manipulation. From a psychological and philosophical point of view, I have no answer to the question of whether it would be beneficial or harmful, to build a lie to recognize the lie. Perhaps there is some higher and incomprehensible reason why we humans are so lying and manipulating so successfully. Personally, if I was in your place, I would not read this article in any way. This is not a manipulative replica that aims to boost your interest in it. I just think that acquiring the ability to recognize lies, inevitably turns you into a cynic, and I'm a lucky cynic I do not know. Besides, sometimes ignorance is really a blessing, because after the possible acquisition of such knowledge, you may be seriously injured, knowing how people close to you are lying to you ... On the other hand, I do not see any particular meaning in our personal life being an illusion, is also inevitably transformed by the lie. So I decided to leave everything to your right to free choice. We will begin with a bit of dry psychological statistics, as well as with some basic facts about the lie, hypotheses. According to psychological studies, in any average conversation between two people, EVERYONE of the participants spell three lies every 10 minutes. I give my apologies beforehand to those who will categorically declare that these statistics do not apply to them ... but neither their statement nor my apology will change the facts. According to the most famous, lively lover specialist, Professor Paul Eckmann, we are able to hear only 54% of the lies that are being offered to us ... and which we offer. "Understanding" is a very appropriate word, as it does not refer to the conscious "gripping" of lies, which in turn means that the percentage of lies that we actually "catch" is probably half of the above-mentioned, little. One reason for this is that the truth (or part of it) is always an element of lies, as truth and lie are basic elements of manipulation. That is, there is no lie or manipulation that does not contain within itself truth or elements of truth. In a sense, we can argue that we can not imagine imagining such a lie. Or rather, it is an expression of our unconscious belief that a lie without elements of truth would not be accepted as truth. The truth of the lie in the context of the topic is that it is not a particular problem for a person to train to recognize it. If you learn and practice everything outlined in the following rows, under normal circumstances you will be able to decode almost every lie. The problem is that the relationship between us is important not just the lie itself but the actual motive that has caused it. And relying on true motives is quite another matter. Especially in the cases when the liar himself has conquered (for a number of reasons) the real motif and himself. That is, in our relationships we must react not to the lie but to its motive (or group of motives). So move on to the essence. To designate elements of the body language, facial expressions and the verbal part of the communication I will mention as a lie indicator, I will use the general term marker. It's good to note that this is a basic or shortened presentation that is far from exhaustive, but it includes a sufficient set of tags to help you determine whether, when and in which part of your conversation they lie. For greater clarity, I will number the tags, which does not mean that you are looking for them in the order listed. It is extremely important to read the lie to remember that none of the markers can and should not be interpreted by itself. When we lie, we always use a set of tags, and you need to find out at least three of them in the context of the conversation to conclude that they are lying to you. So: 1. Establish a Line of Truth - Since people are different in their reactions, this is the first thing you have to do before you begin to watch for lie markers. It is usually done by inserting into the conversation questions whose answers you are sure to know. This observation will enable you to identify behavior, gestures, mimics, and sentences structure that are characteristic of the way you communicate. Reason: Some gestures of lying may in general be characteristic of his usual way of communication and need to be eliminated by establishing a line of truth. That is, from that moment on, each marker must be interpreted only in the context of the line of truth established for the particular interlocutor. 2. Pay attention to the overall posture and movement of the different parts of the body - In lie, the overall posture and movements will make the interlocutor's desire for over-control over the situation. This means that you should feel unnatural numbness in movements or even the pursuit of lack of movement. And sometimes you will observe how the interlocutor will unknowingly put a symbolic barrier between you (such as a bag, a garment, a box of cigarettes, or any other object) at the very beginning or at some point in the conversation. Note: Frequently, misconception is that when the hands touch the face, ears, back of the neck, throat, mouth, or scratch the nose and ears, the other person lies. In fact, the real indicator is not the very movement itself (whatever it is), as the presence or absence of a natural reason for doing it. 3. Observe the interlocutor for sweating inadequate - When people lie, sweat more than usual. There appears a slight dewage of the forehead, upper lip, or indentation between the lower lip and the chin. This is the sweat that you could see. What you can not see is the sweating of the palms, the marker for them is the inappropriate, and in most cases, unconscious, rushing rubbing in each other or in the clothes. 4. Take extraordinary attention to the so-called micro-images - They appear as lightning for parts of a second and are generally not subject to conscious control. When detecting and detecting, they issue the truth hidden behind the façade consciously built by your interlocutor. In general, they are extremely difficult to capture without special training, so I recommend that you focus on one of the expressions, which often lasts longer, and sometimes it is the background of the whole conversation, namely: the emotion of suffering, characterized by eyebrows curved upward to the middle of the forehead (sometimes giving short wrinkles on the forehead). An interesting fact is that often, before the act of lying, the lying person needs to "bear" the desired expression of his face. From a psychological point of view, it is justified, as it has been experimentally proven that people who artificially express different emotions such as joy, irritation, sorrow, etc., after a while, start to feel these feelings sincerely. That is, in most cases where a grimace dominates the conversation, it is good to doubt and look for other markers to confirm or reject suspicion of a lie.
With a long, distrustful look on your part, those who are lying to them become unpleasant, and those who say the truth are usually annoyed or disappointed (anger of anger: the lips clenched together, the eyebrows down, the upper eyelid nervous and strenuous, down low down) ; 5. Watch your throat - Frequent swallowing and purging of the throat is a classic indicator of lie (of course, you need to know if your interlocutor is a passionate smoker or not). 6. Pay attention to eye movement - Eyes are a relatively easy to read marker and therefore will give them more space. Contrary to popular belief, the liar does not always avoid eye contact, though the not-so-adept liars actually, quite unconsciously avoided your eyes. On the other hand, a skilled liar can consciously seek eye contact to look more sincere. In such cases, however, his gaze is concealed and insistent, leaving you with the feeling that it is very important for him to believe. Even with professional liars, the sense of tension in sight goes beyond the primary tranquility that they demonstrate. In the analysis, remember the existence of a natural diverting of the eyes from the foreign eyes when the eyes are resting and / or stopping on an inanimate subject helps to focus and remember. Another marker, which is much more difficult to read, but worth mentioning, is that lying is always accompanied by more or less unconscious fear of being dissociated. And here, a purely physiological reaction that is not subject to any control by the liar - fear narrows the pupils, restricts vision and slows the reactions. Sometimes the pupil's shrinkage is just fleeting - like the camera's aperture response. That is, you must be a very careful observer not to miss this marker. Stable and difficult-to-be-controllable marker is also the direction of sight during the conversation. There are six main positions of the view, subject to interpretation (with secondary positions here we will not be dealing). When you ask a right-handed question from your position if your eyes are focused: Up and left - This will mean that it triggers that center in the cerebral cortex that is responsible for visual imaging. That is, if you make someone imagine a pink elephant, that should be the direction of his look if he really tries to imagine a pink elephant. Upstairsand left - This will mean that it triggers that center in the cortex that is responsible for visual imaging. That is, if you make someone imagine a pink elephant, that should be the direction of his look if he really tries to imagine a pink elephant. Up and Right - This will mean that it triggers that center in the brain cortex responsible for image memory. That is, if you get someone to remember the color of the house they lived in as a child, that should be the direction of his look if he really tries to recall that color. Left - This will mean that it triggers the center of the brain cortex responsible for the construction of sounds. That is, if you get someone to imagine the most piercing sound, that should be the direction of his gaze if he really is trying to construct in his mind a sound he never really heard. Right-Right - This will mean that it triggers that center in the brain cortex responsible for the sound memory. That is, if you get someone to recall how his mother's voice sounds, that should be the direction of his look if he really tries to recall his mother's voice. Down and to the left - This will mean that it triggers that center in the cortex that is responsible for mental and physiological sensations. That is, if you make someone remember the smell of camphor, this should be the direction of his eyes if he really tries to recall a smell, a sensation or a taste. Down and Right - This will mean that it triggers that center in the cortex that is responsible for the internal dialogue. That is, it is the look of a person who "speaks with himself in his mind." I will also give you a simple example of how this information can be used as a lie marker. Imagine that a child wants you a cake and you ask him if his mother allows him to eat sweets, and he answers you "Yes" while looking to the left. This will mean that it does invent a response (constructs sound - that is, lies), as the direction of the view shows construction, not a recall of sound. While, if his gaze turned right, it would mean that he recalled a sound, which in turn would mean telling the truth. As additional information to help interpret the view as a lie marker, it is necessary to take into account that for the typical leuver, the above-mentioned eye markers have exactly the opposite directions. Also, when the interlocutor looks straight ahead, and when his look looks defocused and / or motionless, it is considered as an attempt to access the visual memory. Remember also the fact that in some cultures it is considered unhealthy to constantly look at the other in the eye. 7. Reflect the emotional responses carefully - The first observation marker is the time difference between the words and the accompanying emotional reactions; when the emotion is real, the accompanying words are pronounced after the manifestation of emotion or simultaneously with it. When the emotion is not sincere, the words appear first and the emotional reaction follows with a 1-2 second delay. For example, when you receive a gift saying "Thank you" and only then smile, your gift is very unlikely to be accepted favorably. In terms of time there is another relatively easy traceable marker - if the emotions are real they are reflected on the face for about 5 seconds - any hint of emotion or duration above that time is a mark of replay, that is, a lie. The abrupt exclusion of emotional events, sometimes seen during a conversation, is also a sign of some kind of distortion of reality. If you get a quick answer to your question, it's not accidental, and it is usually an indication that a person is lying - means that either the answer is rehearsed, or he thinks in advance for an answer, with the idea of ​​not being caught unprepared. Also, the usual emotional response to unfair accusations is going on in the offensive (responding with anger of mistrust / microrism) while the liar reacts with defense - says something that supports the lie or uses a deviation from a direct response. It is also a lie when the gesture or the expression does not correspond to the words - for example, when, with a frowning face, say "I love you". It is a lie when emotional expression limits the emotion to a part of the person - for example, the mouth smiles, but the eyes and the upper face do not. For the same reason, it is fake and any emotion, in whose expression an asymmetrical expression on the face is observed. 8. Be careful about the way the words are used - indications of lie are: • Use and / or repeat the words of the question when answering - For example: "Did you eat the last biscuit?" - "No, I I ate) I did not eat the last biscuit. " In this sense, the short and specific form of response is more likely to be true, and the extended and generalized, no - For example: "I did not," instead of "I do not do such things." • Speed ​​and inappropriate elevated or reduced voice modulations - Sudden speech accelerating or slowing, as well as monotone speech, bouncing of the voice, and all the unnaturally sounding peaks and drops in tone; W Deviation - This is any attempt to avoid a direct statement or response. Usually, when people lie telling you truths, though knowingly or not, they are not a direct answer to your question. For example, if you asked, "Have I ever smashed my wife?", "I love my wife, why should I do it?", Perhaps the interlocutor tells you the truth, but it avoids the answer to the original question, which means lying - that is, he hath slain his wife; Excessive speaking in an attempt to convince us - Pay attention to the tendency to exaggerate the details. Too many details are an indicator of the hidden (sometimes by the liar himself), the desperate desire of the interlocutor to persuade you to speak the truth; Loss of pronouns - In a story, women use more pronouns, while men usually name a person or object by name. If this changes, it's probably a lie; Ш Use of difficult-to-understand sentences - They are often used in lieu, as they allow for an ambiguous interpretation in eventual "grasping"; Ш Use of humor or sarcasm - To divert the subject; • Leaving the silence to enter the conversation - As unusual pauses, for example, in the middle of a sentence or at no time in the conversation; Hear for a fine delay of the answer - An honest answer comes quickly from memory, while lying requires a quick overview of what has been said so far to avoid inconsistency, contradiction, and adding new details if necessary. However, if someone slows down in trying to recall something, it does not mean that he is necessarily lying; Make a sudden change of the subject and observe the response of the interlocutor - An innocent would get confused by this maneuver and would even try to get back to the subject while the liar will feel relieved and welcome the change. In this case, you will have the pleasure of seeing the liar relax and his behavior becoming less protective. The last marker I will mention is - Denying the accusation with a strong emphasis on every word of the denial ... In conclusion I will give you some additional tips that you should take into account when interpreting the lie markers. First of all, displaying one or more of these signs does not necessarily mean that your interlocutor is lying to you. That is why it is necessary to remember to draw a line of truth. Some of the features listed above coincide with the characteristics of the way the very shy people who can and do not lie at all communicate with each other. Others are also shown when the IL is particularly focused on the topic of the conversation (for example, if the topic is too complex or your interlocutor is experiencing severe stress). This also applies to cases where the subject of conversation is the source of discomfort to your interlocutor. Botox or other plastic interventions can also affect the way you communicate and deceive you by reading the lie markers. Sometimes, when they are accused of something, people go to defense simply because they want to convince you otherwise. Then they look as if they're lying, and they're just shocked by their sudden focus in the spotlight. If you feel a fake in the interlocutor's smile, do not necessarily interpret it negatively. Sometimes it's part of the politeness label, and sometimes it's an attempt to make you a good impression because they appreciate and respect you. Some people are extremely experienced, and maybe even professional liars. He / she may have told the story in question (whatever it is) so many times that it acquires for them all elements of spoken truth. So accept the fact that not every lie can be caught. Most of the good liars build a steady reputation for themselves, speaking the truth most of the time, so that when they deceive their lie they can be seen as true because of their reputation as honest people. Be careful and do not overdo the search for a lie in the words and actions of others. If you always look for a lie, people will start to avoid you ... ... and maybe, it's best to forget about everything you've read so far.

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"The lie swims like oil on the surface of the truth." Henrik Sennkevich