Married Life... Adjustments and Advice

When I (Ping) and my hubby, Pong, decided to get married, it was hasty decision as do you want an ice cream?

---

A Brief Story How We Started

He actually asked me to marry him on our 5th day boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Without ring or fancy drama, while having conversation in the park, he just asked me Will you marry me?. I barely know him, he’s brother of my friend, I am from Luzon and he’s from Mindanao, I am Muslim and he was a Christian but without hesitation I said YES! I actually don’t know if he meant it or just a conversation. We go on without any discussion or planning etc.

Then on our 15th Monthsary, me and my family went to Ras Al Khaimah (3.5hrs drive from our place, Abu Dhabi) and stayed for 5 days. Our means of communication were phone calls and Facebook Messenger and we realized that it’s hard to let the day pass without seeing each other. (Sounds Corny and OA, i know!)He used to pick me at work, we’ll have dinner together, then walk me home. I highlighted the words used to coz now that we’re married, he no longer picks me at work… he’s now busy cooking. YEAH! I’m Lucky!!

When I went back from Ras Al Khaimah, he told me, Pakasal na tayo! (Let’s get married!) and again I said, YES. Then next was, When? Next month, so you’ll be June Bride? and again, I said YES that’s how it started. We had 1 month preparation, guest lists, motif, venue, food, cake etc. My mom even asked me, Are you pregnant? What’s the rush for? I also don’t know what’s the rush for, I just felt that, this is it!. We were 27 y/o that time, we’ve good and stable work, I just thought that, maybe it’s time!

To make the story short, we had hasty decision in getting married but never I regretted it as he is really sweet, caring, lovable and responsible man.

---

MARRIAGE

Ang pag-aasawa ay hindi parang kaning mainit na iyong iluluwa kapag napaso

Our Tatay-tatayan (father figure friend) once told us

Marriage has stages,
1-5 years – Getting to know each other
6-10 years – Married Couple
11-15 years – Parenting
16-20++ years – Friends
He even toss a punch line, 20+ years –Neighbours LOL

I will never forget the advice given by Consul in @arrliin’s wedding

Never argue in 2 things: MONEY and S#X

Then the rest are advises about: love each other, understanding, patience, never sleep without settling any problem, be responsible, learn how to forgive and so on…

---

OUR LIFE TOGETHER

I really am one of the lucky ones who already met their Forever. He’s responsible and caring, has flexible patience and understanding. I actually didn’t feel much difference from Boyfriend-Girlfriend to Married Couple, aside from of course we’re now staying in one roof and he’s the only one I see before I close my eyes for sleep and the moment I wake up in the morning. I am not saying that we have perfect life together, we also have our flaws and we do argue sometimes but we never make it big issue. We ensure that once both tempers are already cool, we sit down and talk about it.

---

ADJUSTMENTS

There are few adjustments that you need to keep your mind always open to understand and be patient about it.

These are very common samples and I keep on hearing these from friends or elders. These are very small issues that you can talk together, small issues that can be big thing in future if not corrected early.

Wet Towel that he/she will just dump wherever – tell him/her to properly hang it, not just keep it in you. You may say it 3-5x but believe me, somehow he/she will learn to hang it properly after sometime.

Dried Toothpaste all over the sink or flashing the toilet – again, talk to him/her and tell what you feel about it

Toothpaste which is pressed in the middle not at the end – for OC person like meee this is somehow tolerable, you can talk to him/her or just accept the fact that’s how he/she does it. Hehehe

Fixing and arranging beddings – you can talk about it or just delegate the responsibility, in that case no argument will arise in future.

Same goes with cleaning the house and bathroom, doing the laundry, cooking, folding the clothes and other major household chores. Though I would suggest doing the cooking and folding the clothes together, it can be one of your bonding. That’s the best time to talk anything under the sun or folding clothes while watching movies/series.

---

ADVICES

I don’t have enough knowledge about it, I am still learning too… We’re only 4 years married and we only had 1 or 2 arguments but based from other experiences too:

1. Tons of Patience and acceptance – you don’t have to change him/her the way you want him/her to be, you just need to accept his/her flaws and love it.

2. Be Responsible – not just in financial aspect but the responsibilities of being a husband and a wife. Let’s share the responsibilities, household chores specifically, not because she’s the wife, she has to do all the things including looking after the children. Be a Man, help her too, I understand you’re tired at work but being fulltime wife/mom is also not easy what more if she’s working too. Share the loads, assign the responsibility at early stage to avoid grievance in future.

3. Be Open-Minded and Understanding – be open minded with possibilities and understand the person with his/her actions. If you’re on his/her shoe situation, absorb the situation and think why he/she has done that don’t just judge and nag.

4. Never Nag – everything can be talked about at low temper, cool down, breath then talk. You will not understand each other if both of you have high temper, one has to pause and listen.

5. No Over Thinking specially girls – we girls tend to over think things and react according to what we’re thinking but possibly not the real situation. Guys are not so emotional and showy like us, they have their own way on how they react and do things. So Over Thinking + Over Reacting is not a nice idea

6. Don’t be Insensitive but also Not Sooo Sensitive – be sensitive with your actions as you may end up hurting the person you love and same way, don’t be soo sensitive to be easily hurt in just one word he/she says. Accept his/her flaws and LOVE IT! It’s total package, you love him/her so you’ve to accept and love the flaws too.

7. Communicate – simply what you want and what you need, he/she is not a fortune teller to guess what you want or need. Just simply talk!

8. Settle any argument before you sleep – just for simple reason, when you wake up the grudges in your heart will still be there that will already ruin your day, the way you talk and react on whatever situation you’ll have with your partner. Worst are those small arguments will be piled up then one day you’ll just burst into anger.

9. Never Get Tired of Saying I LOVE YOU even you already lose all your teeth and hair turned to gray – first, you have to mean it. Second, it’s a reminder that this person never fail to amaze me. Third, it’s a comfort for your partner to know that you still love him/her in spite and despite of.

10. Take Time To Bond – it’s not because you’re already married, you have to focus on married life only. You have to keep your connection intact. Bonding is not necessary going out for a date or movie, simple things that you love doing together. It could be cooking, watching series, talking about anything. Just a small talk to keep your relationship healthy.

There are lots of advices that we can talk and share but I think this blog will be too long to read. LOL

I would love to hear your advice and suggestions too, please comment below.

Thanks for reading, Steem On!