Life Journal: How Am I Living with Different Pains in My Life

I remember when I was just a new dialysis patient, my problem first wasn't pain but an almost equally worst thing a dialysis patient can experience like having a urea breath almost all the time, being waterlogged all the time which makes me feel like I wanted to cry, being so nauseated because I wasn't getting a good dialysis as the dialysis machine itself has some problems and I thought it was still OK, and terrible cramps as the dialysis takes more than 5 Kg off water from my body.

I also suffered from severe anemia which disturbed my sleep for so many years. Anemia made me weak and also made me lose my appetite most of the time which made me lose more energy aggravated my anxiety and made a vicious cycle out of it. And all that I had to endure for so many years which is quite unthinkable for some of you but I hope that you extend your understanding on this subject.

But I somewhat passed all that as I am having a better appetite because my hemoglobin somewhat miraculously is not dropping so I am not anemic anymore because of that. I am also sleeping well today. But still I am losing weight despite all of that.

Now a new product of my condition emerged. This thing didn't happened overnight but maybe about 11 years ago I started to get weaker and weaker until today. Maybe it was caused by my uncontrolled parathyroid which m nephrologist didn't advised me to have a look at it. In turn my bones developed changes. At first my upper teeth developed a gap, then my lower teeth. Then I noticed my chin got bigger, little that I knew that Leontiasis was developing.

Then my back suddenly ached after my sides ached which had me bed-bound for weeks as I can't get up as my sides ached. After being able to walk again my height continued to decrease and developed a pigeon-chest appearance. I noticed that my gums are starting to get bigger, as well as my facial appearance. I felt some pressure on my face and now it developed like what you see today. It also made me getting trouble eating.

But my back and my joints are causing me much trouble and it is coupled with weakness so I can't walk normally. These gives me a mental burden and I am handling it by just sharing my experience here and I treat it as my therapy. I also need medications everyday because of my progressive disease itself and I get support from here so I can afford them and not being a burden much to my family. I am also trying to get treated by a competent doctor. I am there but hoping it is all not too late.