Introduce myself Chapter 2
After losing my business again and a bloody encounter with my now ex partner, 6 months of dodging cops that weren't even chasing me, and hopping trains across the country, I finally landed back in Alabama. I was skinnier than ever, strung out, and half crazy.
I didn't realize it at the time but I had been living without one very important thing for quite a long time. In fact, I've since come to believe that this one thing is more important than all others. Love.
My mother and grandmother of course took me into their arms and then their kitchens and made sure I was fed.
I think back on that time and I feel a bit of shame.
There I was, 29 years old, feeling worthless, the king I thought I had been was long gone; replaced by a fool. I withdrew into myself and as the drugs left my system, and I couldn't help but feel loved my outward search for happiness was slowly replaced with an internal one.
In the absence of drugs or fulfilling work I began a stretch of artistic expression like I hadn't experienced since I was a teenager. Here are a few of the colored pencil pieces from that time:
I settled in every day after work and produced hundreds of hours worth of total shit, but out of that came a handful of quality pieces that I was proud to put my name to.
And speaking of work it was around this time that I got the dumbass notion to join the navy. Maybe I will get into that whole damned debacle one day, but suffice it to say: I wound up moonlighting for a certain agency on a certain military R and D facility for the next three and a half years.
In all that time I never saw any direct result from any of my actions until near the end. One day like any other I was on a jobsite with 7 other contractors when we saw something a little strange. To me, it seemed no big deal but nevertheless was something that was absolutely "need to know". So when we returned from lunch and I overheard 2 of the guys telling about the incident to the new crews, I had little choice but to add their names to my report.
The next morning a couple of spooks showed up, flashed badges, and escorted the two men I had reported out of the building.
We never saw them again.
I heard through the grapevine that while they had been arrested, they were never charged. The were held for many hours and questioned and eventually released. Seems harmless, right?
Well, their punishment was a lifetime banning from federal facilities worldwide without court summons or a few special circumstances. What this meant for them was in reality a complete change of lifestyle. It meant finding another way to pay for their kids college, their medical insurance. It meant that the highest salary they will likely ever earn will be less than half of what they made working for the government.
Say what you want, but this knowledge very quickly began draining my soul.
Somewhere along the way I had become a pacifist. I was surprised at myself at this revelation actually.
Just ten days after this incident I had an appointment to renew my passport, I had turned in a notice at work, and had a one way ticket to Lima Peru in hand. Less than a month later I was sitting on the beach in sunny northern Peru, surrounded by beautiful women and scenery, less than $200 in my pocket but I had never felt so free in all my life.
One of my last nights at home:
And one of my first nights in my new home:
The next part of my life was definitely one of great change. I started down the path to self love, and found all kinds of crazy love along the way.
My first time swimming in the Pacific ocean was with a humpback whale on this coast. We went to war with the Army over the ownership of the Hostel I was living in, I had a close call with some militant gangsters with black market grenades, several torrid love affairs, one of which resulted in my waking on a bus in the mountains of Ecuador covered in blood from my nose to my knees, no glasses, no phone, no money, and no idea what had happened the night before.
So if you want to read on, you'll have to wait a couple of days more!