Part 4- managing overwhelm and discovering psoas muscle

I'd not discussed pain on social media before and amongst friends. I'm always seen as the strong one so being vulnerable and not together is uncomfortable both for me and others.
Also pain can take over and become addictive and people can use it to gain attention, so being aware of the public display of my pain on begin to try to step away from the pain on the social media but still wishing to document journey believing i come beat it without traditional medicine.

Posting 12th february
Ok...i need to get my shit together
Seriously....
I refuse to let this overwhelm me which it has been doing.
I really was not prepared for what has been happening. Now it's been a while I see this has been controlling me, not the other way round and at the end of the day I create everything that is me.

I am so sorry for the recent posts
Things are going to change

So from now on I'm not in pain but
I am experiencing sensations
That's essentially what i am feeling sensations that are bringing up emotions
Pain is a word I am ascribing to these sensations. And pain is a loaded word with expectations around behaviour and responses.

I learnt this in vipassanna and was able to sit with what at the time was my biggest pain, from my past, in my back shoulder, which later learnt was the masculine side. I already knew instinctively that the back is pastband i always had a senses it was to do with deep family stuff but hadn't associated it with men. But i did have a lot of beef with my father especially. And he had been a pain in my lufe foe as long as i could remember. In vipassanna you learn to sit with your sensations, not judging, not attending, acxepting and observing them within the wholeness of every other sensation gross and subtle in your body. I was finally able to do this for 1 hour and the sensation, the pain changed, massively changed going from pain intensity of 100 to around 15. I let go energetically. And feelings about my relationship with my dad also changed.

And now with recent massages, i am easing it out physically energy from a new part if myself.
It maybe Time to find another 10 day vipassanna

So im reading alot about psoas muscle...
Physiologically the psoas muscle affects the length of the leg.

I was born with one leg significantly longer than the other. I don't remember any of this but have been told. My dear dad refused to have his daughter have a limp. And I am eternally grateful to him for finding a shoe maker who over my childhood years built extensions to the shoe of my shorter leg so that I didn't have a significant limp for the rest of my life. The extension was lowered each time I got new shoes, which over a period of years straightened me out.
It seems likely that the straightening was probably located in the psoas muscle which would have tightened and constricted over a period of years. I wonder if my leg will get longer again lol I also have a scoliosis of the spine. Which I totally don't acknowledge so have no issues with. And it's interesting that what i am seeking in my life and have been for sometime is balance.

Emotionally the psoas muscle is connected to our flight and fright system. Which is pretty much everything involved in readiness to run or fight.
Breathing digestion back legs knees all of it so when we experience fear or anxiety the psoas contracts and curls in readiness but if not activated all that tension is held there, physically and emotionally, as fear and anxiety are emotional responses.
This huge deep muscle literally holds all that unrepressed emotion and how many of us in our daily lives feel fear stress anxiety with no ability in this modern world to run away or fight. Releasing tension is this muscle will very likely release old trapped emotions.
As my journey to my second life was about overcoming fear and terror, wihich i was successful in doing but i can only imagine at a physical level what is held inside me.....
Oh yes I do, I am just getting a taste of it now...

I going to continue practising meditation to manage the emotions as they arise and release not become part of them
As this is both a physical and emotional (metaphysical) experience

I am also changing my diet..
Taking fish oil capsules
Morning Tumeric, ginger, cucumber, lime infusion
Cutting out red and processed meats (goodbye sausages...my dear friend lol)
Anyway for now I will continue with massages
Gentle exercise, swimming, yoga
Attend TRE session

Again this is only a sensation created within myself, If I made it I can manage it
Again sorry for the previous postings
I didn't fully understand what was happening and was completely caught in it all

Thanks for your kind messages and love
❤❤❤❤❤❤