I exist in this world

in #personlast year

I have always lived in the deepest places of my heart, my dreams, my hopes, my feelings. I was alone most of the time. The people who were with me physically never actually existed. Once, while I was sitting on the beach, a girl about my age sat a short distance away. His eyes were on the beach, his phone was lighting a cigarette after a cigarette with emotional music in his lap, tears were pouring from his eyes. As if I had no problem of my own, I found myself being a partner in it. He told me, he was relieved, I just kept quiet, forgetting myself. Maybe I was a little balm for their pain, but there was no one to be a balm for my wounds. Then he asked my name, but it didn't matter if he knew my name. Even though he knew, there was nothing that would change in my life anyway. I was alone again and I would be alone again...


Days followed days, every person I loved (!) left one by one... I fell in love and they left, we were friends for years, they too left. Those who once gave my life left me like that. So what are we going to do with the words? Established dreams, beauties? You killed them inside of me too. I no longer have faith or hope. The seed doesn't grow, if you pour water, it won't grow...

I'm afraid of my tomorrow, I can't trust anyone anymore... Because everything depends on a few words. I'm so tired of fake smiles, smiles, happiness... Hear my voice now, I'm disappearing! I'm done! I am in this world too. I don't want to disappear with a piece of paper behind me, with a few lines of writing in it. I don't want it to be said that an East has passed through this world, it has always rebelled somewhere within it and gone. I want that wound that constantly bleeds inside me and never stops. Because if that wound doesn't heal, I don't have much time left, I know I can't take it anymore...

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