"Tiny Snake" by Richard F. Yates

Tiny snake is VERY small. Not like atomic small, but quite, quite small. (I'll include a "thumbnail" below so you can see just how tiny we're talking.) However, despite his tiny stature, Tiny Snake is one of the most venomous creatures in the known universe! One bite by Tiny Snake contains enough poison to cause a 1972 Buick Skylark to burst into flames, instantly! (It's a party trick Tiny Snake has performed on several occasions---usually after one too many shots of Fireball.)

But, despite Tiny Snake's potential for death and destruction, he's one of the GOOD GUYS, as Henpeck, Washington, (and all of Cowlitz County, and occasionally Broken Ankle Point, Oregon, when Tiny Snake goes there to check out their Saturday market), is under his protection!

"From who?" you might ask, and I would answer, "You mean, 'From whom?' because you need an objective case pronoun for that question, not a subjective." And you would look at me with disgust, not just because I know the grammatical rules but mostly because I chose not to answer your question, which I obviously understood despite your poor word choice. You would glare at me for a few minutes, then ask, in a low, growling voice, "From whom is Tiny Snake protecting us?"

And I would nod, approvingly, and say, "From the multidimensional, hypnotic, dream zombies." And you would huff and throw your arms up in resigned, abject frustration and start to walk away...before remembering that one really scary zombie dream you had, which you'd almost forgotten about, where the zombies had those freaky, glowing, green eyes, but they were chased off by something... And you'd start to look very pale...

And I'd nod again, and you'd quickly excuse yourself to go have another drink...

Scary zombies are no match for super-poisonous Tiny Snake, even if they ARE hypnotic and have weird dream powers...

And---here's that thumbnail I promised:

(Ha! Get it!? It's a REAL thumbnail! Zing!)

[Grandpa joke powers, DEACTIVATED...]

Alright, you can go about your business. Just watch your step, and be sure to leave a shot of Fireball out on your kitchen counter at night as tribute to our tiny protector!

---Richard F. Yates (Holy Fool)

[P.S. - The art for this piece is ink on notebook paper with digital embellishments and color. 2019. The thumb in the second picture was found in my alley, but nobody else was using it, so I thought I would...)

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