PARODY: nutfuck Elon Musk wants to hack your brain, fuck it with a piece of wire and steal your Cheeto out of your wife's ass while he's at it - all that this Friday on Neuralink
Two years ago I wrote a piece of so called blog post asking 'how do you feel about merging your brain with the superior cognitive AI technology'? Superior my AI ffff.... nevermind.
After that people stopped talking to me...
Well, io and behold it is finally... no, you stupid shit, they don't have it, I am pulling your leg, they will just present a fucking demo this Friday.
Here is a link, you can plug yourself in later this week and jerk off on that shit. I know you will because you are an asshole and nothing is holly to you, is it... I know you will. I am sure he will too.
Well I fucking hope you all crazy people choke on it.
But, I am pretty sure that the whole damn thing will go in flames - same like the last time..
... stuttery sweaty and glaring red-faced Musk will be explaining something about space-anuses and uranuses and how they give shocks to the mice brains while they twitch in agony... urg-urg-gah
... but you know, he will add, the mice gave us the black plague, so you know, it is ok, we can torture them... it is freaking justified, what are you all bleating, oh-heee, um...
HEY MUSK ( hard core insect voice somewhere from the ground level ) - YOU GIVE ME GASTRITIS, CAN I FUCKING TORTURE YOU?
I will not hurt you ( miniature demon voice from the same constellation of dirt ), I will just poke your toe. Because that's how much my astute height allows me... Just poke your toe. BWAHAHAHAHA - What you say? You don't see me. Shit, take a microscope ... ( sound of small feet leaving and a couple dozen indistinguishable similar voices murmuring )
...
And I think that somebody mentioned how they done experiments by sewing the same shit into the monkey's skull.
...
I don't know what monkey could gave to you Musk. WTF that one could give to you... Let me do a quick check with Mr Gaggle. Just a second...
... tap tap tap tap tap tap ... and Enter
Yellow fever.
Man, I'm so glad we cleared that up.
I just wait for Elon Musk to deck a fucking elephant in a name of science!
Shouting back stage to the prop guy - BRING OUT THE NELSON... back to the roaring audience HE HAS A DIAPER INFECTION.
(you don't know who the fuck the Nelsoin is... You're a fucking idiot)
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE THIS NEW TECH TODAY AND WE WILL DEMONSTRATE WHAT IT CAN DO TO YOU - NOT ON YOU - BWA-HA-HA HEH HEH. NOW MAKE SPACE, I'M JUST GONNA BLOW HIM UP...
And then this holographic apparition materializes and chimes in while smoke disperses around the half torched carcass ... HUMAN TRIALS ... NEXT MONTH. ( accent on trials)
Well back to the AI device parody ... anyways...
And he is talking like that ...while his helpers - that little odd fidgety hamster lookin' guy and that creepy lil skinny oriental girl - HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?
They are fucking caricatures, no fuckz!
You want me to trust into that shit, that shit is fake as fuck. Those are fucking actors because what are the chances to find something like that in nature... holly fuck... c'mon!!
... and then they will bring this horrid contraption on stage with half dead - soon dead hairless rat covered in puke and shit... and then the cameraman who somehow preserved a shred of human decency in that chaos will angle the cam down from that disgrace and you will see some Arabs front line VIP...
And then half way into stapling the rodent's brain on a piece of a cardboard - but they call it high tech - the hairy motherfucker will goddammit explode all over the podium sending splotches of blood and guts far away into the audience.
Nobody moves. Everybody in awe. Jezzzzz....
And then they will say that's all demo, we lower the ladder for starters, place for improvement, no monkeys yet, of course not, Caesar is dead ... so then they bring out the TARANTULAS...
So, I ask you one more time, do you really think this is some medical breakthrough or somebody is playing dr Evil???
Aw , ONE MORE THING !
The same ungodly thing can also help cure a list of million diseases and conditions, as well allow people like me to hack your cortex and play ping-pong with the content of your crotch just for fucking fun. Mmm-hmmm... You gonna wifi your brain right in my lap, right here, mmm-hmmm, right on my keyboard - I will make you wear pretty dresses and smear your face in a fucking "ice cream". Your butthole will be size of a football field...
Just to name a few benefits...
