We are raising a generation of losers
Over the last years, the approach to bringing up children has changed dramatically. It wasn't a rapid change, though. It was such a long and non-invasive process that most of us haven't really noticed it. But it happened. Our approach to children, childhood and responsibility is different now. In short – the process of learning life has changed.
If you still don't know what I'm talking about, do a quick test: try to remember your childhood. Not the whole thing, just specific situations. Did you use to go out alone? Shopping on your own? How did you settle things between you and your friends? What games did you play? What toys did you have? How many times did you hurt yourself?
Pocketknives, knives and Rambo
That's the point. A while ago I spoke about childhood with my brothers. We were trying to remember our favourite games. One of them was "the mushroom" (a game where you throw a knife). It was a common game among kids in my neighbourhood. We were 8 or 7 years old (I was born in 1982) and nobody was surprised to see us playing with knives on the lawn in front of our block. I can't imagine children playing with knives in my neighbourhood right now. Did children get dumber over the last 20 years? I don't think so. They may be a bit more aggressive and surely less responsible.
Let's focus on knives for a moment. I remember getting a beautiful Swiss army knife from my grandfather. I also remember that it was a totally normal gift. And when my brother Marcin turned 9, he bought himself a fake Rambo knife for his own money. It may not be completely normal, but it was far from being controversial. And I need to point out that I wasn't brought up in a dysfunctional home and my parents were among the most conservative ones in the whole neighbourhood.
I also remember that we used to go out on our own. We had some limitations regarding where we can go and where we can't, but generally everyone was cool with it. Nowadays I see that a lot of people are afraid of letting their kids go to the local shop alone.
Responsibility
Parents of the modern day try to do pretty much everything for their children. They invest in plenty of after school classes, not letting the kids learn the most important thing – responsibility. The problem with getting off the leash is much stronger these days. We are so afraid that our children will get hurt, that we produce emotionally handicapped people.
Because after all, the only difference between us and the children is the lack of experience. Parents have been responsible for helping the children to gain this experience, before they leave home, for ages. We cannot prevent children from hurting themselves. We can teach them to avoid it, but we cannot avoid it for them. Such experience is best gained at the young age.
Fire burns, knives cut, and the world won't end if you get smacked in the face. It's us – parents, fathers – who are supposed to bring up children so that they won't get eaten by the world. But we must also remember that regardless of our attempts to prevent it, the world will try to eat our children anyway.
In the end, we shouldn't try to live for our children. We should let them live. And stand BY them instead of doing things FOR them.
P.S.
I sincerely recommend watching this short lecture by Gaver Tulley. It's absolutely genius and eye-opening. It shows where the West has gone (and how stupid we are for chasing it). It also presents some clever solutions. Gaver Tulley is the author of the book "50 Dangerous Things (You Should Let Your Children Do)".
Best wishes,
Zuch
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P.S. 2
I can respond to comments with slight delay, because right now I am on a trip with my son to Intel Extreme Masters
Thank you for this article! Resteemed it to (hopefully) let some more people know about this approach to parenting.
Mumbley peg
www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRZ_Ni45G80
When I was in kindergarten, Ronnie brought a .22 rifle to school for show and tell. It was really cool, and nobody thought it was a "big deal." And all us kids carried pocket knives.
😄😇😄
When I was a kid I remember, that one of my favorite game was playing with hand made (by me!) bow and arrows.
It looked more or less like this:
We made and played with them without any assistance of adults. No one was ever injured. I do not remember when I saw last time any child with a bow in hands.
Probably that would be right now outrageous to mothers of other children!
yeah I made one for a kid the other year. It's fun to arrow some cans or whatever just see how accurate you can be :)
This completely reminds me of my childhood. We used to do some of the dumbest things (like have fights with small rocks) and yet we survived. I also had one rule "Come home when the street lights come on". My parents never knew where I was... and I was fine. I know I should encourage the same of my kids (not throwing rocks at each other... they are smarter than I was) but they should be having more fun!
That was my recollection of my childhood. Be back before dark.
There were 40 people in our village and 4 of them were children of my age. I can remember walking through the nearby forest to visit my best friend in the next village but I can't remember how old I was.
Would I let my daughter do the same? In the same situation yes but where I live now is no next village you can walk to. ;)
Completely agree with you, the best thing was digging holes and making homes/forts e used to play freeze tag, hide and seek and lots of fighting :D I never got a knife that early, although everyone around had one, also we were shooting bows :D caps later(toy guns), but yeah compared to now it used to be way more fun :D
I need to remember to keep my promise to buy a good knife for my younger son this summer. He's going to school in the fall so I think this is an excellent time to learn to use a blade.
Growing up in rural New Zealand sounds similar to you. We went to school bare footed, mainly across cow paddocks, in winter, from one fresh patty to the next to keep the feet warm. We all did iit, then sat at school all day with unwashed feet. Poor teacher. We had lots of wild rabbits and my 8th birthday present was a .22" . Was trained to only aim at what you want to kill.
Upvoted and following
It's funny, the other day my wife and I were talking about childhood, and how we used to run around barefoot in the street... and we might eat berries and snails or other odd things "just because;" we rode our bicycles everywhere but certainly never wore helmets or pads. We dug holes in the ground, built forts and climbed trees... and GOT DIRTY.
Now there's a whole generation of what I call "snowplow parents" (e.g. they run in front of their kids and push everything risky or dangerous out of the way, so their kids never see the "reality" of life. Then the child leaves home at 18, 21 or whenever, and gets a really rude surprise when life is not as safe and protected as the parents taught them. Not very clever....
people are afraid to get dirty, maybe because they don't have at home washing machine :-)