Really well said. As a society we have to stop looking at kids as a one size fits all proposition. Each kid is unique and should be treated as such and respected for their individuality. Too many kids are messed up because they don't 'fit' a particular category.
Having bungled my way through raising my three, I reckon don't listen to the 'experts', follow your own instincts even if it flies in the face of what those around you think. No one knows your kids better then you. That's the basic theory I worked on and my three all turned into amazing human beings.
Just the thoughts of someone looking back on the journey, although you have said it much more eloquently. I think your boys are lucky to have you.