I am a Lioness, Hear me Roar
I love being a mother, it is challenging and tiring, it has it's ups and downs. But it is something that I feel very comfortable with, it feels right for me to be a mum.
I always knew I wanted to be one, even though as a young girl I was encouraged to succeed in life, to finish school, go to college and get a successful job. Because after all that is what success is, isn't it.
Well success means different things to different people, the same can be said for happiness and wealth. I have very little money, but I feel incredibly wealthy with regards to my lifestyle and my health. I have been able to choose to stay at home with my children, to be active in their education and to witness the many milestones that they have reached so far in their lives.
This is what I wanted and because of that I am happy, I do realize, that not every parent would want the life I lead and that is fine by me. One of the things, that makes this world so exciting, is that we are all so different, we bring so many different ideas and experiences with us, that we can then share with one another.
Today my middle daughter came up to me upset. My daughter is 5 years old and at times she can get very sensitive and emotional, which is just how it is and I love her for it. Today however she was upset because her older sisters friend, threaten to break her neck if she didn't stop following them.
Hold on a minute here, some one just threaten to hurt my daughter, inside I am roaring, on the inside I am that Lioness, ferocious and very protective of my young. I wanted to go into attack mode, but luckily I was feeding my youngest daughter, so I had all those lovely love hormones racing through my body and slowing me down some.
My eldest daughter is 8 and her friend is 12. Now in my eyes a 12 year old knows the difference between right and wrong. She certainly should know that it is not ok to threaten a 5 year old, because she is just being a 5 year old and wanting to be with her big sister. I called my eldest daughter in, who at first denied that her friend said that, but in the end admitted that she did.
I asked her if she thought it was ok to say something like that to some body else. She said no, and also that she was too shy to stick up for her sister. I can understand this because my eldest is shy and she looks up to this older girl. But I wanted her to know that it is not ok for someone to come to your home and threaten a member of your family. Well it's not ok for anyone to threaten you anywhere.
I went to this girl and asked her what happened, she went very quiet and when I retold what my daughter said , she didn't deny it, but was clearly uncomfortable. I told her that I was disappointed that she would say that to anyone, let alone a 5 year old. Threatening is not ok ever. I was actually shaking a bit saying this to her. In the end I asked her to leave, because in the past I have had a similar incident with her,she didn't threaten my daughter but she was quiet rude, and I told her if she done something like that again that she would not be welcome here.
I have heard some parents talk about how it is important to let kids sort out their own disagreements and to not get involved, but when it is between a 5 year old and 12 year old I had to step in.
The thing is though that this girl comes from a very unstable home and I think it is good for her to come and visit us. She always acts so grown up, because I think she had to grow up quickly, yet she is still a child and she identifies with the wildness in my eldest daughter and for that reason they get on quite well. I would like to reach out to her, but I will not tolerate anyone using threatening behaviour. I take it very serious and I want her to see that behaviour like that is not acceptable.
But my heart does go out to her. I do feel that I made the right decision asking her to leave, but where do I go from here?
It is late now in my part of the world and I will probably think it through better in the morning, but this is one challenge that has brought out my fierce Mama protector side and but also has me wanting to reach out to this young girl who could do with some TLC in her life.
What is a mama to do?
I love this post. My mom made the choice to be a stay-at-home mom with me. It wasn’t because she wasn’t intelligent or capable, it was something she really wanted to do. It was her own, educated choice and I love her for that gift. I think in modern society there can be some backlash against women who want a family or who are willing to let go of some career opportunities to pursue other opportunities! This is an empowering post, thank you for writing it!
thank you @lilyraabe, this is definitely the best thing for me, to be with my kids, I feel very lucky to be in a situation where i can choose. For me being a mother is the most important thing I can do right now.
Nice post @trucklife-family 😊😊😊. I also love writing about parenting.
thank you @syifauna will check out your blogx
Thank You @trucklife-family 😊😊😊😊
I really enjoyed reading this, I only had my son's but I did grow up as one among five and this brought back memories💜🦄💜
thank you @steampunk-penny, yeah I imagine it may be a bit different with sons. but all in all we're learning with them all the time, they certainly bring so much into our lives.
that not every parent would want the life I lead
I suspect that would depend on how you define parent.
that's very true @everittdmickey, it means alot of different things to different people that's for sure.
In my notsohumble opinion...having a child is a twenty year obligation. If you're not willing to spend (as a mother) 24/7 from birth...gradually tapering off as it reaches puberty...you're doing it wrong..
Well thats my approach anyhow, I'm there 24/7 x unfortunately some don't feel they can make that choice.
oh yeah...homeschool
it's a win/win.
You win cause you gotta scramble like a madwoman to keep up with the kid's curiosity..which you can subtley guide. (you learn a bunchaton of stuff)
the kid wins cause it gets a FANTASTIC education..(and you keep it from getting brainwashed)
my daughter in law did that...
my grandaughter started college as a sophomore...(texas A&M)
oh..did . I mention that the admissions board was SO impressed with her that they gave here a full-ride (all tuition paid) scholarship?
Homeschool...it's a thing.
yeah it sure is.
then they shouldn't have children until they can.
When my kids were growing up there were a couple kids that were growing up to fast for their age. I use to keep minimal exposure to them around my kids. It was much easier because they didn't live next door and I drove my kids to the other side of town to go to school. Sometimes there isn't much one can do especially if the parents don't care. Somethings you just have to let go of and that's not coming easy being a person who always seemed to have someone else come along that guided me where my parents neglected to do so. My son meant a women who had a five year old son, he was five going on fifteen when he came to live here. Most his life his grandmother had him and they drifted around from here to there. I use to have to go get him from kindergarten and I'd hide my face under my hood so no one who knew me in the neighborhood connected with the kindergarten hoodlum. It's been a rough ride for sure. After this past summer I thought he was closing the gap, maybe eight going on eleven hanging around the other grand kids and learning he's really suppose to be a kid and what being a kid really is. I don't know, lately though I've become more frustrated that he seems to be keener about his manipulations and it's frustrating. I guess I see him and how he manipulates my grandson whom his mom and my son have together. A couple weeks ago I picked him up from school and the teacher came over to the car and said she tried to call mom and got no answer and wanted me to tell her that it's been a rough week with him, she said not that's it hasn't been a rough year just that this week seemed more so. I looked at her and said consider yourself lucky, it's been a rough four years and that's every month of the year I don't get a summer break. I told her I'd tell mom but I couldn't guarantee it'd go in one ear and out the other. He's needs counseling really bad so I decided when it warms up a bit I'd find a reason to stand around with her and see if we can't come up with something to get that going. I know it's hard to say but sometimes even kids can scare us, it's been four years and I've seen this kid do some stuff and if he doesn't get some better intervention I hate to see what he could potentially do. It's heartbreaking because you can't even approach the situation with mom because she feels I am too hard on him. Hard on him as in picking him up from school and hearing how he flopped around on the floor all day and wouldn't shut up, or sometimes repeatedly getting out of his chair and running circles around the room laughing so when he'd get home I'd make him sit at the kitchen table until he got what he was suppose to do in school that day done. He'd sit there and cry and whine for two hours or more before realizing he just plain had to buckle down and get it done in order to get up and do whatever he wanted afterward. So yeah I am a bit worn out on it, totally frustrated and at a loss. I've come to the conclusion that he has the potential to destroy everything I've worked for to create a different path for my family to go down, I came from a really abusive family situation and most my brothers and sisters didn't make it, I wanted better for my family, I've practically given up my whole life to change the course and one tiny little kids comes along and puts its all in jeopardy. I am sorry about feeling that way but he could drag any of the other grand kids down with him in one stupid moment. Well I don't know if any of that helps you but I guess getting it off my chest a little probably helped relieve some of the vent up frustration I have, maybe for awhile just have the girl around when you can supervise their interactions and see how it goes. Sometimes the right influence helps and sometimes it wouldn't matter.
Wow thank you so much @sunlit7 for sharing your experience and wisdom with me. It is really difficult to watch your family in a situation like that. It sounds like this boy is really exhibiting alot of learnt behaviour and that he has big problems dealing with his emotions and expressing himself. I think you are right when you say there needs to be some intervention. It is hard to work through things with family because of all the emotions tied in with one another so it is always helpful to have someone from the outside who can guide and point things that are being overlooked or not dealt with. It is only natural you want to protect your family, this boy is part of that family too and is acting like this for a reason, it's about finding out why, so that you all can support one another.
Boundaries are important as well, for you and for him. I hope that you and your son and his partner/wife talk about this and start to look for ways to deal with this. I really feel like you could write more about this, it may help to bring you some release and a bit more clarity too. You should make and post as their is alot of supportive people on here. Let me know if you do and I can resteem it for you.
Thank you and I appreciate your support also. Yes I agree this is something that someone with some experience with children needs to come aboard on like a school counselor. I also think we may be at a turning point where his mom herself is doing some reflections upon his behaviors. At least the other day when she brought him over for me to babysit she brought his spelling words....I took that as she may be agreeing that he needs stern guidance to succeed and I wasn't being so awful after all. Let us hope right? If you see me around let me know what you decide about the girl and how that works out. Good luck.
Stay at home mothers are real treasures...I had one and appreciate the person that I am today because of this influence. Much love and respect for this...and all lionesses!
Thank you @creativesoul for your lovely comment x
I have such a hard time with this. I can't manage kids being mean to my littles. At a certain point I let them learn to work it out, and between siblings I try really hard to not get involved unless the noise is making me insane or there is blood. But when someone is mean to my littles, shut the front door. Honestly, though, it's almost worse when your kid is the mean one. Little girls seem to go through this awful phase, and I'm always glad to get through it. Not looking forward to it with the littlest one because she already has about a billion pounds of sass.
I know they are all so different, my 10 month old is a force, she has so much power, am looking forward to seeing how she grows up.
I had to tell that girl to go, my oldest is upset cos she said now her friend doesn't want to see me, but I can live with that, I can not have my 5 year old been threatened. Ah the days of parenting, always something exciting or unexpected happen. x
It's definitely a roller coaster. I had one little girl push Sophie into a creek one time. Her parents were rainbow family too. The little girl was just mean for no reason. I sure hope she grew out of that.
I think you're right to keep the girl away. By 12 she should be long past that phase. Maybe someone with older kids or without kids can help her. You don't need that on you right now.
YES!!! Lioness in full power! Great post and it takes a HEAP of courage and superwoman strength to be a mother and fulfill your hearts desires as well. And what you mentioned is super important, knowing to give space to your child and allowing them to build their own 'selves' is essential. Thank you <3
Oh dear. I can imagine who you are talking about and think you're right to get involved. I am sure she is repeating the type of thing that has been said to her, but all the more reason to pick her up on it. Without supportive and consistant core adults she will never learn. It's not her fault life has been tough to her, but it's also not your daughters. The older sister also needs to learn to stand up to her. So yes you're right to get involved.
Thank you @shivvi, I think I did the right thing x