Raising a Man

(Image via The Kathmandu Post--http://kathmandupost.ekantipur.com)

As a single mom to a little boy, I often pause and contemplate how I can raise this amazing little creature into an amazing man without a male role model in the house to set a good example for him. I’ve already begun to select friends of mine that I feel can have a strong influence in his life (watch out buddies...I’m coming for you!). I believe in the power of a village or a tribe when it comes to raising kids, and I know I will have to intentionally pull people in to fill certain needs for him. Today something happened that made me begin to think of the characteristics I want this little man to possess.

We were on our first bike ride as a family of three. The baby turned one yesterday and has never been in a bike trailer before. I set off on this little adventure with high hopes and few expectations--I’ve learned the hard way to let go of what it’s “supposed to look like” and accept what is when it comes to introducing my passions to the littles. We got all strapped in and about ready to take off on our first (of what I hoped was to be many!) bike rides around an area lake. I got the helmet snapped on the baby, and immediately she begins to wail. This girl has a scream that could be featured in horror films. I figured she would calm down once we got moving and maybe even fall asleep...ha! Not so lucky! Not this girl. She was determined to be mad. The little man was all buckled in next to her wearing his helmet proudly on his head. He had been through all this the year before and he was a pro now. I suggested maybe if he told sister how fun it was she’d calm down. “This is NOT FUN!” was the little response I got in return. How could it be when his sister was screaming bloody murder in his ear? We are still pushing forward to see if she would perhaps calm down in the next minute. Or the minute after that. Or maybe the one after that? A brief pause in the screams caused me to turn my head around to discover the little man trying to hold the baby’s helmet up over her eyes. In her anger, it had slipped just enough forward that it was covering her eyes, and these tiny toddler hands were trying to help her see what she was missing on our joyous (?) adventure. Whether she could see or not didn’t matter...she was too upset to care. His little arm got tired, so finally he just put his arm around her and held her while she cried and I pulled the bike over to make some adjustments. I did have to pause a moment just to drink in the scene before me. Compassion. There it was just oozing out of him. Maybe the number one characteristic I can think of for a strong man to have--to be there for someone else when the big emotions hit, even if you can’t do anything but sit with them in that moment. Compassion, strength, courage, grit, resilience...these are just a few that have popped into my head since this morning. I feel pretty well-equipped to give him these things. I may have to recruit from my tribe for things like throwing a football accurately, but I feel more confident about raising a man today than I did yesterday. Our little adventure could have been a total misadventure; however, my little man saved the day with his compassion towards his sister. I’m going to count that as a win!