I speak from experience. I have a three-year-old son and the last six months or so have been extremely challenging, to say the least. My child is extremely determined in nature and has a fiery spirit, mix this with the attitude of a “threenager” and you have a full-blown warzone in your midst. The trigger that finally gave us some peace and turned our edgy home into more if a happy and friendly environment: rhythm and routine.

While I thought we were following a routine all along, we clearly weren’t, and my son’s teachers felt it. It wasn’t just at home that my son would fly off the handle, he took his temper and stubbornness to school as well. While his behaviour is classified as the normal “kids will be kids”, he was a kid on steroids. His teacher approached us with her concerns. At first, we felt offended, how dare you say my child is at fault? How dare you say my little “angel” behaves extremely?

Looking back though, I have to admit that his teacher approached us in all sincerity and kindness, she loves our son and she wanted to help him, and us. If my son were in a mainstream school, their solution might be to resort to medication straight away. So, we teamed up with her and started to talk. Her first point in our conversation was; “do we have a routine at home”. I responded with “of course we do”. She didn’t argue with us on this but handed over some material to read, which I begrudgingly accepted. 

I soon realised that this material was a saving grace. I had a realisation that the very little rhythm and routine that we as a family had could be added to and tweaked to great measures, without much extra work at all. Do yourselves a favour and look for a book called: Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne.

This book focuses on discipline through setting a calm environment for your child, while sticking to a daily household rhythm. The little things you do for your child and with your child can change and set boundaries that your kid will actually enjoy sticking to! I know this, from experience.

Our biggest challenge of each day was getting through dinner time without tearing each other’s hair out - bath time and bedtime was usually a disaster to. 

Image Source

By following some of Simplicity Parent’s suggestions, we set a routine to the following:

• Mom/dad prepares dinner while child plays and then packs away. We would sing a song together while we helped my son pack up his things. Cleaning up should be a part of the routine, not a chore.
• The table is set and a candle is lit. Each time we light the candle, we remind our child that he can blow it out once he has eaten his dinner, which he needs to sit still to do so. Side note: this does not work for us every time, but we know it will set in eventually. Our son is only three and sometimes the temptation to blow out the candle before dinner is done gets the better of him.
• We start dinner with a blessing, the same on each night – so my son can participate in saying the short verse. It goes like this:

Blessings for the blossoms, blessings for the fruit

Blessings for the stems and leaves, blessings for the root

Blessings for this meal, may it nourish and heal

Amen.

• Once dinner is over, my son blows out his candle and takes his plate to the sink. He doesn’t always finish his dinner, but that’s ok I – I don’t believe in force-feeding. What ever still looks edible goes into his lunchbox for school the next day.
• Dad baths our boy while I wash up (sometimes we swap these roles).
• This is followed by quite play or story time.
• We then light a candle again, next to my child’s bed, to mark that bed time is upon us.
• We brush teeth, place a cup of water next to the bed and say a prayer, before blowing out the candle once again and climbing into bed.

All of this might seem like common sense to you, and we sort of had this routine going for us before anyway, but the lighting if the candle, such a simple gesture, is what made a huge difference. Why? Because it marked the routine, that is, it marked the beginning and the end of something and my child succumbed to that acknowledgment. He also loves blowing out the candle, so he is eager to do all of the actions that lead up to that moment. You could add markers that your child will enjoy and anticipate.

Adding markers to your routine and daily rhythm helps a child to anticipate and mentally prepare for what is coming next. This makes them feel that they are more in control of the situation and are less likely to become emotional and difficult. I appreciated the fact that the book also mentions that once in a while, routine can and should be broken. Make Friday night more fun by eating in front of the TV, or skip a bath over the weekend. This break from routine is what makes our kids appreciate it even more. 

We have also started a similar routine during our mornings, in preparation for work and school. After following this rhythm for a few days only, my son’s disposition changed completely. While he is still extremely stubborn and set in his ways, he is a lot more willing to go along with the day’s requirements and does not get overwhelmed as frequently, because now he has a good idea of what’s coming next, which makes him feel like he is more in control.

Even if you are a lover of chaos and the disorganised, you can still instil routine into your lives, simply by organising your chaos 😊 It’s important that we help our kids through their day to avoid family squabbles, impatience and headaches…those darn headaches! 

Much love - @sweetpea

(bringing you original content)

Join us @steemitbloggers

^{Animation By @zord189}

@steemitmamas