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RE: The Parenting Paradox: we don't like being controlled so why do we control our children?

in #parenting6 years ago

Yes, yes, yes!!! It turns out beautifully! My 19 and 16 yo's grew up with mostly this. It's so magical to watch. I didn't start this way, but they were maybe 4 and 7 when I shifted to this. It took the 7 yo a little bit to find his balance, but he's so amazing now! He's @anarchyandbread. I will say that in finding my balance with this, there were times when I neglected myself, and that's not an particularly good message for them, and it surely didn't help me. I finally decided that the best balance for me was to say, this is what I need to live comfortably in our little community together. I started thinking of our family as community. I need us to come together to keep common spaces tidy. I need all of us to pitch in to make our community function beautifully. They can also always come to me with what they need. We make agreements together. Now we have two littles (5 and 4), so it will be interesting to see how it goes when they start from that place. We still have fits and troubles. The 5 yo is very passionate. Everyone in our little community has their own path, their own stuff, and their own needs, and they can handle those how they choose. No one has to share or play with anyone they don't want to. We do have agreements about hitting, which is not allowed in our home. Anyway, best of luck with it. I hope it goes well for you.

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A beautiful story of conscious parenting there. Thank you for sharing!

I do agree that we will also have to create an 'agreement' about hitting. Much better word than rule!

That being said, Esteban is improving already after a few months of biting and hitting his sister for touching his cars. He understands now and just screams at her instead.... very loud!

Sounds like you have a great system in place :)

It takes a while to learn effective communication. He won't bite or scream forever ;)

That's what I figured. Feels like a stage. And the next stage is them being best friends! Fingers crossed ;)

For sure it will happen. Might be a while though. :D

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