At A Loss: Advice Appreciated
Edit: I have gotten to the bottom of this and will write a follow up post. Thank you for all your input!
My 8 year old daughter, Naomi, is a total free spirit. A bit emotional...OK a lot emotional, but she has a heart of gold! Her gregarious and kind nature shows in everything she does. For instance, there's a girl at school who other kids think is gross. Apparently, she smells. Naomi picked out a special valentine, just for her, to make the little girl feel special. Naomi is also very trusting, and a true extravert, as she's friendly to everyone she meets.
Well something happened that I don't really understand... I'll tell you the story.
For weeks now, Naomi has been talking about her friend's birthday party, to be held at the local roller skating rink. She's so excited about it, anticipating it every day. "Hazel said she's bringing my invitation tomorrow!!" Naomi exclaimed a couple of days ago.
Yesterday was finally the day. She was officially invited! She brought home a plain 3×3 inch invitation, child's writing on the front, neater writing on the back. I thought it was kind of strange that the invitation wasn't on nicer paper like the usual ones my kids bring home, but there it was:
Hazel's Birthday Party
Where: Skate City
When: February 25th from 1-4 pm
On the other side of the sheet was the mother's name and number, so I could RSVP.
"Don't forget to call Hazel's mom!" Naomi reminded me, as I dropped her off this morning. As she was walking away, she stopped, turned around, and ran back to the van. "You still have the invitation, right?" she asked. "Yes, honey, and I won't forget." I answered.
When I got back home, I thought to myself: I'll call around 10. That would be a good time to RSVP. I also thought of what gift I would grab at the store today.
10:00 rolled around and I dialed the number and got "I'm sorry, the cellular number you dialed is not in service. Please try again." Okay, maybe if I put a 1 in front of it? Nope, same message. I tried several times. It started sinking in more heavily...Naomi was provided with a fake number!
Today, when she comes home from school, I'll have to break the news to her, and in doing so I will break her little heart.
I have so many questions in my mind right now...Was this a prank? A cruel joke? Why would someone do this? Did the mother lose phone service (yet she can afford to throw a party at the skating rink - it doesn't add up)? Do I tell Naomi the truth, or do I tell her it was cancelled? Lie to her, only for her to find out the truth later? Do I call school, and if so what would they do about it? I know because of confidentiality they won't give me the mother's number, but I would like to talk to her and get to the bottom of this. Is there really a party? The writing on the back side of the paper looked like an adult's handwriting...or an older sister's? Could mom really accidentally write down the wrong phone number when filling out invitations? Doesn't seem probable. Maybe this was all just a big mistake...or maybe it was intentional.
I have a feeling it was intentional. A form of bullying. All I really know is I'm going to be comforting a hurting child later today.
What would you think about this if it happened to your child? What would you do in this situation?
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Love, snowpea ❤
You just read the post of the newest member of @thealliance! Alliance proud!!
My heart goes out to you and your lovely daughter.
This may actually be an extraordinarily powerful learning opportunity for your daughter.
It's a wonderful thing to be trusting. It is also wonderful and very useful to be able to differentiate between people who are trustworthy and people who are not.
If she were able to frame it as a valuable learning experience that will empower her, that would be cool.
We all experience these things and we all find ways of dealing with them. Usually things work out better with some loving guidance : )
I hope you will make a followup post
I'm about to write one out now. 😊
Can you ask your daughter to confirm her mom's number with Hazel? Maybe see if she's around when you pick her up? Are her and Hazel not that close?
I usually recommend people stick to Hanlon's Razor, "Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by incompetence." Generally it's not worth getting worked up that someone intentionally did something to slight you when they just as easily could have made a mistake. Kids are weird and often cruel, there are some whack-job parents out there too, without knowing anything beyond what you've said there though I find it unlikely an adult would go along with handing out fake invites to kids. Then again, I can see why you're suspicious, it's incredibly late to be giving an invite 3 days before, and there's no time to get confirmation either.
Thank you! I will be using the quote you shared later, and I'll be tagging you as well, as I'm going to either edit my post, or create a new one tonight...not sure which yet, but i got to the bottom of what's going on. :)
Glad it seems to have worked out!
You could always contact Skate City and find out what their upcoming parties are or the parties for that particular day and then just show up with Naomi in tow and supervise as she has fun with her friends. If all of the other kids are talking about it I'm sure Naomi will know when the party is going to be held. Kids can be cruel. You're smart for wanting to protect her and asking for advice.
I got to the bottom of it, check back later if you want to know. :)
Thank you for your comment @bluerthangreen! That's a good idea, but do they allow the general public in during parties? As I recall from previous ones I brought my kid to, an employee stands there making sure the child's name is on the list...
The only advise that I can give beyond what you have already received is don't lie to your daughter, that never works out well.
If you can't get the phone number by Sunday; I like @bluerthangreen 's advice just show up, bring the invitation along, and don't worry they will let you in. I hope all works out.
It turns out that it was nothing any of us even considered. I will be editing my post to tell the whole story tonight. Thanks for your comment!
Our school requires that the invites be sent to all the kids in the class if the child brings party invites to school. If that's the case, then is there another child in her class that you could contact the parent and ask if they had the correct number? It doesn't seem too likely that a parent would do such a thing as fake invites (although there are a few bad apples). I also received a wrong number, for a Cub Scout event for my son, but it was just little mistake from a mom who was trying to do too much at once and made a typo.
To be on the safe side you can have a plan of something really fun for you and your daughter to do, just in case the worst case scenario is upon you and you need to do some serious cheering up. Good luck mom, we are all backing you up!!
I got to the bottom of this, and will write a follow up post. :)
Good. The main thing is that hopefully precious Naomi keeps her heart from being broken. Looking forward to hearing what happened. Thanks.
Thats a weird prank. I would double check with both your daughter and the skating rink. It could be something as simple as they had to get a new phone tho. Just keep an open mind :)
I cried when I read this.. I also have kids and I hate it when someone bullies them. I'd always tell them never feel inferior towards others.. I hate that kid who gave that fake invitation, sorry a bit emotional here. We parents really don't want to see our kids hurt. If that ever happen to my kid I'd surely take a visit at school and talk to the adviser about the incident. I am a teacher and at school I never tolerate bullying..
But great post @snowpea
Thankfully, it was all a misunderstanding, writing a follow up post. 😊
whehe I read the comments after commenting and saw your reply.. you know as a mom I easily react overly when it comes to kids being bullied..hehe looking forward to that follow up post..