Where Have All the PARENTS Gone?

Day in and day out life never ceases to befuddle me.   Nearly everyday I see someone around me, whether it's social media or real life, believe that they are "entitled" to certain things in life.

Maybe it's a sleep.

Maybe it's a relationship.

Maybe it's a job.

Maybe it's material possessions.

It can be just about anything really, but what stands out in most of the cases is always the same... the individual thinks they should have it just because everyone else has it.  Purely socialist by any definition, but allow me to elaborate...

I know a man, in fact you may know him as well.  He is from a middle-eastern country and he travels the world getting people to make friends with each other on Facebook.  He's a true philanthropist, one who has built a spectacular network of almost 3/4 of a MILLION people!  He has over 150k followers on FB alone.  So anyway, one day, a few years back, he wrote a book called "Add Me", which is best described as a movement to get as many people everywhere to connect with people within his network from all around the world.  What makes this process a little different than most are the goals he set beforehand:

1.  A person must make 500 mutual friends off his friends list.

2. That person must then INTERVIEW (yes, real live or recorded video interview) at least 5 of their new friends to get  to know them better.  He often asks for those of one country to friend those of a country with what might be seen as a "conflicting" culture.  This opens the doors of communication between the two countries, who may have otherwise never spoken to each other.

3. Once a person is able to build their friends list to include 500 mutual friends, and once it's confirmed, that person receives a FREE laptop from my philanthropist friend!  Sounds pretty cool, right?

Well, most of the time, all the people who hear this have one thing to ask: "How do I get the free laptop?".  REALLY?  Nothing else... just how do I GET? "Gimme, gimme, gimme the laptop" is what I tend to hear within the muffled cry to be included in this free lunch.  Hardly ever does anyone respond with the likes of "Wow! Great idea, I can't wait to make all of these new friends from around the world!" or "Imagine what my new network will be like?" or "I'm going to make friends from EVERY nation, I can't wait!"   Sure, there are those that get what it means to be able to be a part of grand experiment and the benefits it could bring to one's social status or business, but why are so many blind to the real possibilities?

From personal belongings, to cars, and now even to jobs, careers and status... so many seem to have gotten themselves stuck in "wannabe" mode, generally speaking.  They wannabe this and wannabe that, they have a severe FOBO (Fear Of Missing Out) and those that used to have great aspriations and even goals, have somehow suddenly turned into nothing more than parrots of the "ME" generations.  They have forgotten what work is.  They have little concern for others.  Half the time they say one thing and do another (ie. start a company, then go and collect food assistance until they feel comfortable "letting go" or "taking the plunge"), they have no respect for authority or their elders.  Yet, what do they expect in return for all their laziness? EVERYTHING is seems!

There are some times I just want to explode, especially when I see things like teachers being treated as cannon fodder by bullying, parent-neglected students that rage against them.   You'd think the child just came out of a severe "belt-lashing" (now those were the days, eh?) , given the state of mind they are in, and maybe they did just receive a belt, maybe they are beaten (or ignored) daily, it's hard to say.  Either way, it's high time the real parents (since we can't really call many of them parents anymore?) stood up and did their JOBS. Please people, STOP creating, and worse yet enabling your children to be a menace to society.

One author , Amy McCready, a contributor at Today.com calls it the "Me, me, me" epidemic, and I subscribe to that notion.  What has happened? Will we ever be able to fix it?  Here's a few thing that Amy had to say in an article she posted last November on Today:

"While we can point fingers and blame social media, reality TV, and a host of other outside influences, one of the biggest factors in the spread of this “epidemic” is us — the parents. Of course, we want the best for our kids and none of us intends to raise an entitled child, but often in our loving attempts to do the best for our kids, we over-parent. We over-indulge, over-praise and mow down any obstacle in their path with ninja-like swiftness. And when we do? We rob kids of the opportunity to do for themselves, learn from mistakes, or overcome adversity. For your sake and for your kids, consider these five strategies for turning the tide:"

Just reading this makes me all giddy, knowing there are others in the world that think and feel like I do!  Not only that, but Amy goes on to deliver some of the best (and worst) advice we could all learn from and use to change the way our children are being handled both at home and in today's society, and NO, you don't need "kid gloves" to raise good children, what you need is guidance and structure.

Amy was also able to pin down 5 things we should all at least consider when raising our children from seedlings... I'll paraphrase, quote and interject below: 

1. Expect more [than the neighbors expect from their kids...emphasis mine]

Keeping up with the Jones' just got real!  Whatever happened to daily chores?  I don't believe Amy did anyone right by making the reader feel like they have to call them "Family Contributions".  I mean, come on, give your kids some credit, they're not stupid.  They can and SHOULD make meaningful contributions to the family, but let's admit it, the whole idea of "work" around children is too fucking PC nowadays.  There are many a man and woman today that can attest to the goodness of solid, no-nonsense parenting that stands in direct contention with the PC world around us.

Increasing the amounts of responsibility through the years builds a child's character. After all, they are part of the family and everyone’s contributions matter. When you hold your kids to a high standard, they WILL meet it — and often exceed it. What they’ll gain are the life skills they need to be happier, more successful and self-sufficient human beings. Imagine the feeling of accomplishment you can relish in yourself when it's time for them to leave the nest!

2. Don't Give In [Giving up your authority?]

"Do you ever say YES when you really want to say No? Cave at the candy counter at checkout? Pacify with the treat when your kid is throwing a fit? It’s time to turn over a new leaf and have the courage to say “NO” and mean it! You’ll teach your kids that life won’t always go their way and that’s OK. You’ll be establishing — and sticking — to healthy boundaries. And your little ones and big ones will learn that fit-throwing, eye-rolling, and pouting isn’t going to do the trick. Now, for all of you who struggle with this — repeat after me: I’m NOT being a bad guy — I’m being a good PARENT. You can do this!"

Simply put, let your YES be YES and your NO be NO, and more often than not, you should find youself saying "No" to most of the ridiculous outbursts children get away with in today's PC world.  Stop the insanity.  Stop being your child's friend, start being your child's teacher.

3. Give Them Some Control Over Their Own Lives [Hand Over the Reins]

Every time we rescue our kids from their mistakes, intervene on their behalf, or smooth the way so things are easier for them, we rob them of a learning opportunity — the chance to be responsible, to figure it out for themselves, or to face a scary situation. Little by little they just stop trying. It’s time to hand over the reins to their rightful owner. Instead of rushing the homework to school so your kids don’t get in trouble, let them know with love (and plenty of training so they can be successful) that it’s their responsibility to remember what they need each day. Let them know that having their own conversations with teachers, coaches and peers about issues that arise is powerful part of growing up. You can help prepare them by role-playing so THEY can have respectful conversations and learn problem-solving skills. Trust in your kids’ ability and turn over the reins so they can learn from their successes and failures. You’ll be there to support them — but they’ll feel so much more empowered by handling things on their own without you intervening or rescuing.

I felt that Amy did a fantastic job on this point, I left it to quoting her verbatim, there really wasn't much I felt I could add to that!  This kind of circles back around to that whole "friend" thing.

4. Stop Being the Money Machine (Shut Down the ATM)

Period.  While I agree in part with the over-emphasis Amy put on this topic, I can easily say that we were NEVER given a free ride with our allowance.  We did things around the house to EARN our way.  I only agree with what Amy stated at the end of the section (the rest was just fluff-n-stuff) "Allowance is an essential tool to teach delayed gratification and fiscal responsibility — how to spend wisely, save, budget, and give charitably. How will our kids be successful with a real paycheck and bigger expenses if they don’t learn those important life skills at home? Teach them the tools and help them flourish."    Again, back to the "teaching" part of being a parent.

5. The World Don't Owe Them Nothin' [Un-center their universe]

OH my... is that even possible?  Once again, Amy takes the bull by the horns and runs with the right answer here.

 
"The research is clear that those with an “attitude of gratitude” in life are happier, less depressed, take stress in stride, and see life with a healthy optimism. In our over-indulged culture, we know that gratitude takes practice. It’s something we have to teach our kids. Model for them and let them know the world doesn’t OWE anyone anything — and that we all have to do our part to make it a better place. Help kids learn to appreciate their first-world circumstances, (without lecturing about starving kids in Third World countries). When you practice daily gratitude rituals at home, actively seek to do random acts of kindness, and find opportunities to serve others throughout the year (not just during the holidays) — you are helping to set your children and your family on the path to a much more rewarding life.

I do believe Amy hit the nail on the head most of the way through the write-up, even if I disagree with her on some points, most should be driven home with a 9 lb. hammer.  If you'd like, you can find the original article, in it's entirety, here at Today.com (http://www.today.com/parents/avoid-raising-entitled-child-5-strategies-really-work-t44576)

Here is a book my wife swears by: "Teaching Your Children to Mind Without Losing Yours" by Dr. Keven Leman (http://amzn.to/2rW2qGM) it's available on Amazon and at other fine book resellers for around $10 bucks!  She may not have made it without it!  If you need your mind back, go get the book!

Thanks for joining me today! Tell me what YOU think about parenting children in today's world by leaving a comment below!

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Ciao!